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Suburb Mentality?
I just posted a recent blog entry of mine called "Single in the Suburbs." It's about this theory I have that living in the suburbs breeds a monogamous attitude and rush towards marriage in comparison to the city where people seem to be single longer. What do you think? What is it about the city that makes us want to settle down later? Are there too many prospects to consider? Are the suburbs more conducive to a coupling environment? Feel free to read my entry on here or thisisdating.blogspot.com too :)
Tags: city, marriage, monogamous, relationships, single, suburbs
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Renee on -
I grew up in the 'burbs in a pretty conservative town. I don't have any big-city-livin' to compare this with, but I do know that every time I log in to facebook, someone new has gotten engaged or married. I think it was in the water at my high school. I also go to a Catholic women's college now and the marriage bug has hit hard by our senior year... it seems like everyone I've run into has a property-marker on her left hand. (Not that I'm against engagement rings, but I don't think the majority of these ladies realize what it symbolizes.)
I'm only 21... and I'm planning on "living in sin" before I even begin to think about marriage!
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Permalink Reply by Andrea on -
From my observations, as someone who grew up in the rural suburbs, I think the suburbs are seen as safe and quiet, even if statistics would say otherwise. Growing up, my friends and I would always say that 'nothing happens' in our town, but really things were happening, but since it was just our town, we never recognized it. That's why when there is violence or scandal, people are shocked every time. To the residents, this isn't a 'big city', where those things occur.
Suburbs generally cater to that family-friendly lifestyle (more privacy, parks, better schooling, etc). They tend to be more conservative politically than urban areas. I think for many people, if you're young and you're surrounded by that, it just a way of life that you come to expect and want for yourself (of course, there are exceptions, i.e. myself). It's seen as 'how things are.' I've seen it happen to my classmates.
Personally, there are too many things I want to do before I stumble down the aisle Waaay too many.
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Permalink Reply by Renee on
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Wow, I've never thought of it that way. I'm totally a homebody, which is probably why I've always craved companionship. I just feel more comfortable and at ease when the beau is around. Is it a suburb thing that I don't "go out" very much? Probably, especially in sight of Ilyana's observation.
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Permalink Reply by Lisa on -
I'm a city girl. I've always liked being home alone. Is it nice to watch movies and eat dinner and have someone to cuddle with? Sure. But I'm just as fine on my own. I have many things outside of my marriage that fulfills my life. I'd shoot myself if I needed a man to feel fulfilled.
I'm 25 and married. The husband is 28. He's from the city, born and raised. We're happily married. While I do agree with some of the points raised in this thread, not all young married people rushed to get there. Maybe some of them just felt like it was the right time.
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Permalink Reply by RachelS on -
I really feel as though it has a lot to do with the general levels of activity in each environment. Suburbia is a sprawling mass whereas generally cities are condensed. This alone leads to a lot more opportunities for social interaction. When you couple that with the fact that the suburbs are generally more "mild" in the type of social environments they provide (malls, bowling, Chili's...) than the nightlife scenes you typically associate with urban environments, it makes sense that you see more conservative behavior patterns from the suburb residents.
You always hear that people are products of their environments, but I've never quite thought about it this way. Excellent theories and great observation, Passionista!
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Permalink Reply by Maxie on -
I totally agree with this. I live in a VERY small town (around 100 in our graduating class, and that's for the whole county). I feel as if people are in such a rush to get married not only because there's not much else to do, but because there are not many available men (or women, for all the guys) in the area. Most of my good friends are already engaged or married.
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Permalink Reply by nicopolitan on -
No answers from guys? I guess I'll take a crack at it.
I live in a limbo, because Los Angeles is not a centralized city, but a series of forever rolling suburbs joined by city centers. For instance, by "downtown" nobody refers to downtown LA, they refer to the downtown of whichever town in which you are currently standing.
That said, it seems those that stick to the suburbs do end up in committed relationships, and those that city hop (be it for a job, recreation, or another kind of spread out social life) tend to stay single for a long while (eg., I haven't been on a date in a couple of years). So, over here, it's some of both but more slanted towards single life if you're developing a career.
However, in my particular circle, in which the guys and gals are equally good people, I find that females end up in relationships way more than guys do. I wonder why that is?
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Permalink Reply by Angela Noelle on -
That's an interesting concept, although I wonder if it may actually work in reverse: people who choose to live in the suburbs may be at a place in their life where they're more ready to settle down (and for many people that means marriage) whereas people who choose to live in the city are still enjoying the more social/clubs/dating scene? Of course that's a generalization, but it's a case of does A cause B or does B cause A? Probably it just depends on the person in question. Great theory though--sparked interesting discussion for sure!
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Permalink Reply by Bee on -
Speaking from sunny Sydney where we may be bit different from Northern Hemipherians, I would say that people tend to move in to the city when they want to be single and independent and out to the suburbs when they want to settle down. In Sydney, housing prices are through the roof, most people have to move out to the suburbs to afford a mortgage and a backyard for the kids etc.
However this is not always the case; I have a family and very much feel that I have to live in the city because my 'weird thing' (we all have 'em) is that I have a phobia of the suburbs. Grew up there. Hated it. But that's another story.
So anyways, in the case of Sydneysiders I would say that there are more coupled up peeps in the 'burbs because of 1) money, 2) lifestyle.
The 'burbs = sedate, quiet, beige, predictable, safe, family-oriented. City = busy, loud, colourful, unpredictable, singleton oriented.
Also, NONE of my friends are married or have kids. Most of the people who live in the city marry and have their kids around 35-40. I am an anomaly .
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Permalink Reply by Shauna on -
A bunch of my suburbanite friends are married/engaged. It seems as though they all either didn't go to college (and married quickly) or are marrying as soon as they graduate. I've graduated, I'm not rushing, but I'm not exactly "playing the field."
I love your blog. It's pretty captivating. :)
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Permalink Reply by Call Me KP on -
For me, it seems like the smaller the town, the stronger the urge to settle.
Finished High School? Get your degree.
Finished College? Get a job.
Got a job? Get a spouse.
Got a spouse? Join the Irem Shriners.
In a weird way, it's as though people just want to rush, rush, rush and hurry up and grow up that they've actually convinced themselves that the glittery, more un-structured lives are either the stuff of fairy-tales or very, very inappropriate.
It's interesting. Good topic, Passionista.
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Permalink Reply by Moxie on -
God, what a fantastic discussion. Being from an extremely small town in the Midwest, I can testify that there is a definite pressure to fall into line, get married early, and have kids--cause obviously that's what makes us all happy, successful people, right? Right? NO! My friends from high school who were too scared to swim in a bigger pond and more satisfied to stick with the guys we grew up with or maybe ones they met in college might have the whole 2.5 kids, SUV, and picket fence, and maybe even feel sorry for poor lil Moxie, all alone, but a shitload of them are divorced or on their way there. Marriage is HARD--there are no guarantees and it's a big risk. I don't know if the size of the town matters or if it's just a matter of being lucky enough to meet someone who really stirs you up, but life's a crapshoot, right? You certainly have more choice in a bigger town.
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