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Hypocrisy of Dating Advice?
This is something that has really been on my nerves lately...
As an available single, I often find myself going to friends for dating advice, but I find that it rarely goes anywhere. Logically, I assume that friends who are in relationships or have significant others would offer up useful advice and want to help me meet someone, but this rarely seems to be the case.
They often tell me that relationships are "overrated", "not worth it", and "being single is more fun". Yet they themselves prefer to be in a relationship; if they truly despised it, they could end it when they wished. Even if they do break up with a significant other, they rarely embrace the wonderful "single life" they preach about and seek out a new significant other as quickly as possible. They come of as very discouraging; but they can't seem to practice what they preach. How can I take someone like this seriously?
Has anyone else found themselves in this or a similar situation? What do you do or what do you think?
As an available single, I often find myself going to friends for dating advice, but I find that it rarely goes anywhere. Logically, I assume that friends who are in relationships or have significant others would offer up useful advice and want to help me meet someone, but this rarely seems to be the case.
They often tell me that relationships are "overrated", "not worth it", and "being single is more fun". Yet they themselves prefer to be in a relationship; if they truly despised it, they could end it when they wished. Even if they do break up with a significant other, they rarely embrace the wonderful "single life" they preach about and seek out a new significant other as quickly as possible. They come of as very discouraging; but they can't seem to practice what they preach. How can I take someone like this seriously?
Has anyone else found themselves in this or a similar situation? What do you do or what do you think?
Tags: advice, dating, hypocrisy, relationships
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Alexandra//Outspoken C of 20sb haha on -
you don't. chances are, the only reason they tell you single life is so great - is because they're annoyed you're in a couple and not suffering like them.
never listen to them.....haha
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Permalink Reply by Holly Grande on -
Eh, I think this is in part one of those grass is always greener situations.
On the other hand, the attached advisor may just not want to listen to a single person whine about being single when they are perfectly happy in a couple. The advice they give is probably what they think you want to hear. On many occasion I've heard Debbie Downer complain about being single through "asking advice" of an attached friend, and the attached friend will tell her "Being single is fun!" just to get her to shut up. I don't think it's really hypocritical (as long as the formerly attached friend doesn't turn into a whiny single person the minute she breaks up with her S.O.).
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Permalink Reply by Bombchell on -
lol all my friends are single, and the ones that are in relationships seemed to vanish to some foreign coupledom land, so can't really help. I only have single friends, so its more like the confused leading the confused, and we learn from each others mistakes.
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Permalink Reply by Aleksie on -
People tell you that because they don't want to you to feel bad or are in a rough patch.
I'm in a relationship, and sometimes it's great. Sometimes it sucks.
I know certain friends of mine are awesome for certain kinds of talks. I have friends who I talk to who'll give me the truth, whether I will like it. Those are the ones I go to for advice.
Have you ever pointed out that their "advice" isn't helpful?
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Permalink Reply by Rob on -
Maybe I just haven't the wrong kind of friends for advice...
I have pointed out that their advice isn't helpful (or counterproductive) but usually the response is something to the effect of: "at least I'm giving you something".
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Permalink Reply by Aleksie on
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Sometimes, the best dating advice you'll ever receive is on the internet from strangers. Most of the time (as long as they aren't trolls) they're fairly intelligent people who aren't afraid of hurting your feelings.
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Permalink Reply by J something on -
Hah! My take on this: I stopped asking. It was exactly because I felt annoyed with their contradictions.
Or most likely... it's because I have a different set of life goals in which I feel that dating will only serve as a distraction. Yeah, I'll go with that.
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Permalink Reply by JoeyGirl on -
Um, sounds like your friends are in some shitty relationships if they're telling you its not worth it.
The thing is, sometimes people stay in these relationships because of its routine. They've become accustomed to the arguments, the day to day, the monotony of it all - including the (if all but) regular sex. They like to pretend that they'd be out with different people all the time ("living it up" as you stated) if they were single, but, as you've also said, they talk-the-talk but don't actually "walk the talk" (which says a lot about the person).
Because of the obvious reasons, I haven't had friends like this since high school. In saying negative things about their relationships, they give away the fact that they are not happy with themselves so they make up - or concoct - this "if i was single" persona to supplement what they're truly lacking; contentment with what they have.
Really, there is no one set of dating advice that'll get you anywhere worth being. I believe in life advice.
Be yourself: some people will like you, some people won't. It doesn't say anything bad about you; it simply is that the connection is or isn't there.
Don't let people take your energy so they can gain from you.
Be impeccable with your word. Being honest means you never have to worry about the things you say being used against you.
Intimate relationships form when you're exchanging honest conservation with another. Each interaction slowly building on the last. And, when you least expect it, you see that you've been "making something happen" the whole time...and without even trying.
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Permalink Reply by JD on -
Perhaps your friends are just settling - I think as humans we all have an innate fear of being alone. Some hide it better than others. I really feel like that is why men commit or don't commit - if you commit, you're not alone (obviously), but if you never commit, you never have to feel the pain of losing someone. Then, you have the same issue with girls (more often, the serial girlfriend - jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend). The point is that there's got to be a balance. It's healthy to have a relationship, but if you never take time to... please excuse the cheesiness of this phrase, "find yourself," you'll never truly be happy with someone else. It's important to just let life happen and NEVER settle. I would take whatever these people throw at you as far as dating advice with a grain of salt! They obviously aren't comfortable enough with themselves to be alone.
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Permalink Reply by David Stehle on -
It seems that a lot of the time, people who are single, want to be in a relationship - they assume they would be happier. And people who are in a relationship, want to be single...or at least envy the single/free life.
It's true, the grass always seems greener on the other side. People want what they don't have and people don't want what they have. Crazy. It's a miracle if any of us ever find happiness.
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Permalink Reply by Anati on -
Honestly...they tell you that because they don't know what advice to give you. That or you might be reaching too hard into people who frankly don't have any advice to give because they are either "out-of-touch" with the single life or too busy to consider anything but their current relationship.
I wouldn't look for dating advice...because what works for one person might not work for you. Just be yourself and it will fall into place.
Good Luck!
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