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Age Gaps
At 22, I am happily embracing my singleness. I have jumped back into the dating game, but have noticed that the majority of the men interested in me (probably 75% or so) are 10+ years older than I am.
So I ask you, what is an appropriate age difference when dating? What is the biggest age gap you are willing to bridge? And why in the world would men so significantly older than me be so interested?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Krysten (After 'I Do') on -
The oldest I dated was a 27 year old when I was 19. We met online, I thought he was cute and he was a big flirt. We didn't date for long and eventually I grew tired of him pressuring me to have sex when I didn't want to, so I broke things off.
I think that the older you get the less age matters. It depends more on what you have in common. That guy and I didn't have enough in common and he couldn't respect my boundaries. But I'd say if you meet someone that you like, the age thing shouldn't matter.
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Permalink Reply by Aly on -
My boyfriend is 12 years older than I am. I'm twenty years old. We have been together for 2 years. I didn't really think about the age difference when we started dating. We had been friends for awhile. The only time it even comes up is if we are talking about when a certain movie or album came out.For instance I was born the year The Little Mermaid came out and he went to it with his first little 12 year old crush...lol.
Oh, and why they are interested? Either they genuinely like you or they just want a young pretty girl. I think my boyfriend had a fun time introducing me to his friends...lol.
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Permalink Reply by Krysten (After 'I Do') on
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Oh, and they're probably interested in you because you're a pretty girl. You know how guys are, lol.
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Permalink Reply by Tyla Kells on -
Answering questions in reverse:
Men significantly older are interested in you becos you are beautiful and you're young. Young means a lot of things [wink] You said you were embracing your singleness and whether you know it or not you're giving off this sexy kind of confidence that older men are totally into. Younger men too but sometimes they can be intimidated by it. And it's not just older guys who are interested, you're just noticing the older ones becos it's "unusual" to you <-- that's not the right word but I can't think of another one to use. Hrm. It's more noticeable perhaps to you becos they're older ... Yeah that's I think what I mean. Sorry I didn't get much sleep today. If I don't make sense feel free to just roll your eyes at me, really I'm quite used to it.
You know it's funny you ask about this whole age thing becos I was just thinking the same thing. Thinking only though becos noone of any age as of late has actually expressed any interest in me at all, but uh that's another uh story for a different uh -- anyway, to be honest, in this "day and age", no cheesey pun was intended, I think there's definitely a real loose view on the whole age appropriate thing. I mean as long as someone is "of age", I think people really just are not as touchy about it anymore. And I think we can thank Hollywood for that one.
Go for it girl. I know I would. If the guy(s) seems genuinely nice and interested in everything about you and not just the perks of being with a younger woman, why not? Who knows one of those "significantly older men" could turn out to be your soulmate :)
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Permalink Reply by Angie on -
I think this sort of question is impossible for anyone but the men you are talking about to answer. Everyone is different.
In my opinion, age is just a number. You will find immature, mature and people you click with in all age categories. In my family, my grandparents, parents, sisters and their husbands have been anywhere from 3 to 10+ years apart.
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Permalink Reply by TheStepster on -
I've been with a person who was about 6/7 years older than me. Another one was about 3/4 years younger. I don't think there's an 'appropriate age difference' when dating, however I don't tend to date people who are either too old or too young from my age. Simply because of the maturity/mindset and common interest level. My preference, basically.
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Permalink Reply by Eric the BeehiveHairdresser on -
I was in a LTR with a woman 12 years my senior. I wouldn't do it or recommend it again.
I'd say that somewhere around a five year difference is the max that I would find appropriate as a general rule for everyone -- but everyone is different.
Think about the difference in age this way, when you're 38 and are with a 48 or 52 year old man, would you really want an over the hill man as opposed to one near your age?
Also, a 32 year old being with a 22 year old can have a lot of power of the 22 year old. The years of life experience allow for the 32 year old to easily manipulate and be able to take advantage of the 22 year old without them noticing.
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Permalink Reply by Kyle on -
I highly agree with this. I do understand it's about the individual rather than the number, but when a person is vastly older than you (6+ years) there's almost an inherited control the older person gets. If that's your cup of tea though, more power to ya. :)
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Permalink Reply by Whitney on -
Age is nothing but a number. I, for one, had always went out with guys older than me. The usual age difference for me would be 6-9 years. The biggest age gap happened when I was 18. When I was 18, I dated a guy 36. Our relationship lasted about two years, and I broke up with him. He was immature, had too many issues, and the attraction was gone. I had more life experience than him and was more intelligent than him. Age doesn't equal wisdom.
I'm now 23 almost 24, and dating a guy that is 21.
I wouldn't just turn a guy down based on his age. You could be getting to miss out on a great person.
Guys just like girls...of any age.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffani D. on -
I think after a certain age, the difference of years between two people becomes less significant. At 22, yes you are young, but presumably you've lived a little, and have experiences, and lessons you've learned that add to your maturity and roundedness as a person. That is something that usually only comes with being an adult and growing older. So, I guess at this point it doesn't matter, what does matter is that you like him, and you have things in common.
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Permalink Reply by RAY J on -
I think when you get to your 20s, age is just a number when it comes to dating someone older (I still think people in high school have no business dating someone that much older than themselves).
I have a handful of friends who married guys 5-10 years older than us and honestly, unless they mentioned the age, I wouldn't have known.
And of course girls tend to mature faster than boys too, so of course we're attracted to older men who seem more "mature" than a lot of the guys our own age. While some of us are thinking about families and such, why date a guy in college who only cares about getting drunk and partying while we could date an older guy who's ready to settle down and has a stable career to provide for a family?
In my early 20s, I actually had a very good friend in WoW who was in his early 40s. We talked A LOT and turns out, he lived and worked in an area of upstate New York where I lived for a few years as a toddler. While he was old enough to be my dad, we had a pretty neat friendship, as we both opened up to each other and were pretty much best friends in game. I'll admit, I had a bit of a crush on him too - he was older, wise, smart and didn't do the stupid things my college boyfriend did - he had priorities. Nothing ever came of it though, he made clear early on that something major happened to him with a past relationship that made him never want to date again, which was fine with me - I just enjoyed our chats and hanging out "in game."
Like others said, only the guys you've dated can answer why they're interested in you - it could be they just think you're a pretty young thing, or it could be because they find you extremely mature for your age and enjoy that aspect. You'd have to ask them to know for sure though.
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Permalink Reply by Jeffrey on -
I really don't think it is fair to assume that, just because a guy is older than you, that he is only interested in you because of your age. My partner is 14 years older than I am, but we are really more attracted to each others mental capabilities and personalities. Our relationship is one of the rare gems that generated so organically that we don't remember when it began. I highly recommend being open to all people regardless of age because you never know who you might connect with.
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