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Age Gaps
At 22, I am happily embracing my singleness. I have jumped back into the dating game, but have noticed that the majority of the men interested in me (probably 75% or so) are 10+ years older than I am.
So I ask you, what is an appropriate age difference when dating? What is the biggest age gap you are willing to bridge? And why in the world would men so significantly older than me be so interested?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dianne R. on -
I dated a guy who was 30 when I was 22. It was fun while we kept it casual. He was super nice and treated me like a queen. It was weird hanging out with his friends. They were all married, and I could tell they wanted him to settle down. I thought that I wasn't ready for that type of commitment, and it became apparent that he was. So we ended it. I actually encouraged him to go after one of his single friends we hang out with, because I could tell she was crazy about him. They ended up getting married like a year later.
Which is funny, b/c I met my husband shortly after ending things with him. I guess it wasn't commitment i was afraid of, but I think I knew we weren't matches. I wanted someone to grow with and explore the world, not someone who already had a career and was settled down somewhere. I want the freedom to pick up and move if I wanted. He sent me a congratulatory email when he saw my wedding announcement and a wedding gift. It was super nice and super classy. Like him.
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Permalink Reply by Martin S on -
No set rule, I suppose, but I tend to be attracted to women within 2-3 years of me, older or younger. One of my more serious relationships though was with a woman who was 21 when I was 27. There was definitely a maturity gap at times.
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Permalink Reply by Sweet Dee on -
Age for me is really just a number- it really matters on how you connect. personally i'm young (21) and not interested in settling down, which a lot of older men are interested in. so i go only about 5-7 years old max...
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Permalink Reply by Sherry Merry Christmas on -
For me the would date guys age 21-29, for now. I'm 21 years old this year. I suppose next year it will be 22-30 lol I think it depends on the individual, if you think men that are much older are okay for you, then just go for it. Must I guess nowadays older men seem to have ulterior motives when dating younger women, so i suppose thats the one you have to watch for. And yeah people our age are young and beautiful, thats why they are attracted.
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Permalink Reply by MissLiv on -
My current boyfriend is 5 years older than me and we have been together 2 and a half years. That's the biggest age gap I have had in a relationship. Previously I had been with guys my own age or say 1 yr above or 1 below, and when I got together with my current at the age of 20 (and he 25) I felt so relieved to be with someone who actually had his life together, and who wasn't just trying to get in my pants. Five years isn't that much as far as age gaps go, and I didn't really notice it for the first half of the relationship. We are still both so happy, but the one thing that I have noticed causes me worry the most at the moment is that now as he nears late 20s he is starting to think about kids more, and I know he has always wanted kids by the time he was 30 - however I have only just gone back to study so will not be ready for that while I am still at uni! He has also hinted at us getting married but I have to lay it down that I feel I am too young. So basically, I just have to hope that he waits for me and that one day we will do all of those things - which I am optimistic about :-)
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Permalink Reply by TallBrunette on -
I think I will reply to this as a self ordained "professional" of dating older men.
I started dating men much older than myself when I was much younger than I am now.
It started in high school, being attracted to men who were just finishing college.
Their intellect inspired me.
Don't get me wrong... there has always been a *type* I've been attracted to, and they have just always happened to be older.
They had to be either finishing college, or in college with the full intent on finishing. Partying was never on the agenda.
When I was in undergrad, I had an affair with my Political Science professor. While he was the spitting image of Edward Norton, and all of the students secretly called him Dr. Durden, he was 42, and incredibly intelligent. His expertise lay in criminal and psychological profiling, and I'd read his thesis work before I'd met him. I thought he was brilliant, and in turn, through the course of the semester, he began to think I wasn't too dumb.
I was in a LTR with a man who was 18 years my senior, and I ended up being more mature than he was, even though he had the 'on paper' elements I mentally required. Finished school, entrepreneur, a sense of drive and determination. But he was co-dependent, and it became clear later on that all of his success was at the hands of everyone who had held him up his entire life and when it came to emotionally supporting someone else with a dream or drive, he wasn't able to do it, and expected every ounce of energy to be funneled into his continued success and reaping of the benefits.
I've had flings with men who are in their late 40's, 50's.... And everyone is different. The only thing I can give older men for sure is that they have years on us. They have a plethora of experiences that have shaped them in a way we will never be. They are from a different generation and time, they are from a different world. Tastes are ingrained a that point, and youth is always beautiful to them.
One consistency I've found of older men and younger women is that if they feel inadequate, they will turn to offering 'things'.... trying to draw us in with offerings and not with love. I'm quick to point that out now when I find myself there. I turn them down and inform them only real respect, admiration, adoration, and love will fill the void we're both experiencing.
This is a quote from a book I'm working on that refers to younger girls and older men...
".... 'you can have all of this,' he said as he motioned to his broken down kingdom, full of disrepair and burned bridges. So proudly he offered all he had up to her, the girl with the hardened heart who only saw what it was not- just as you put a beautiful young girl in front of an equally beautiful young man, he sees only flaws and why he cannot be with her. Turn the clock forward and place that same beautiful young girl in front of a man thrice her age, he sees only youth and softness, for the age on his eyes have removed the microscopic focus it would take to find those flaws on such a desirable ivory scape, and he dreams only of touching it.
She would walk away, and years later, dream of only touching it. The broken down kingdom once offered to her on a platter, now seemingly a shiny Camelot or Emerald City somewhere off in the distance of her memory....."
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Permalink Reply by Debbie Thompson on -
My boyfriend is 10 years older than I am and we've been together for 4 years. I was 20 when I met him and at the time, he was 31.
I think that it very much depends on the two people involved whether or not an age gap relationship can work. I know that I have grown up a lot in the 4 years that we have been together, which is not to say that I was immature to begin with.
As to why older men might be interested? It could be any number of reasons. Perhaps the guy has taken a bit longer to settle down and realises that, in his 30's, a lot of the women of his own age are either married or have kids or both?
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Permalink Reply by Heather on -
To me (and most people really) age is just a number. I've never dated anyone that much older than me. I was 17 and I dated a 22 year old and I was more mature than he was.
Right now I am dating a guy who is 2 1/2 years older than me, and I don't see any difference that dating someone my age.
xoxo
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