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Bad Breakup

You've been there. You've had a bad breakup. Something that was god-fucking-awful. It just happened to me.

How did you cope?

Tags: break, horrible, relationships, shitty, up

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Permalink Reply by Maxie on January 26, 2009 at 10:06pm

Lets see...not that I'm suggesting any of these things, but during my worst breakup I drank a lot, slept around, and spent a lot of money on random vacations.

I'm no help.

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Permalink Reply by Mere on January 26, 2009 at 10:11pm

I wrote a lot, I cried, I prayed, I ran, and I made sure to feel every single painful twinge as they came and went because I knew that if I numbed any of it out and looked the other way I wouldn't have learned whatever it was I had to learn from that awful experience, which was (among many other things) I am stronger than I thought, and I am all that I need.

It's different for everybody though, grief is something that no two people handle the same way, and everybody breaks up for different reasons. I'm sorry that this happened and wish you the best.

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Permalink Reply by jess on January 26, 2009 at 10:12pm

Sorry you're going through this.

My last relationship ended after he and I moved across the country together (which was all for him and his family), away from all my friends and further away from my family. I fought long and hard to keep us together (we even spent a ton of money on couples' therapy), but nothing could keep it together.

The best piece of advice I can give is to spend time with and talk to friends (and/or family if you're close). For me, at least, every hour spent alone was like taking two steps backwards, just making things worse and more miserable. It helped to talk things out with my friends, get out of the house, just do anything to not sit and stew about it. And if you can't find someone to hang out with, find something to do to occupy your mind and your time -- I took up oil pastels because of mine, and found out I was pretty good at it too, which was a huge self-esteem booster.

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Permalink Reply by L.L. on January 26, 2009 at 10:36pm

I actually took to being single like a duck to water after getting out of a three year relationship. I felt like I got my life back. I hung out with friends, went dancing a lot, met new people, read, got tattooed, and didn't look out for anyone else but me. It was good.

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Permalink Reply by Katie on January 26, 2009 at 10:54pm

I ran until all I could think about was how much I wanted to stop running instead of about how shitty I felt. And when I got past the crying at random times phase, I threw myself into work (college classes at the time). And then one morning, after a decent amount of time, I woke up and realized that I was a person again.

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Permalink Reply by Angela on January 26, 2009 at 11:13pm

How did I deal with it? I blogged about it and it really helped. That's kind of the reason I went back to blogging. I went through a really terrible situation and I'll spare you the details...but my blog helped.

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Permalink Reply by David Stehle on January 27, 2009 at 1:28am

Well, I think you commented on the thread I started just the other week about my recent breakup, right? So I'm assuming that you read at least a few of the replies that it got. I would say follow some of that advice, and there was TONS of it! That thread is now deleted, but the last reply can be found here...

http://20somethings.ning.com/forum/topics/123-replies-and-11-pages

As of right now, I've been trying the "out of sight/out of mind" method. She wanted to see me this past weekend, but I ignored her. And I'm trying not to talk about her anymore. And by doing that, I hope it helps me to stop thinking about her too. It's hard dude, so I feel for ya.

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Permalink Reply by Wendy on January 27, 2009 at 4:13pm

At first, you go out with your friends and get uproarsly drunk. You bitch and rant about the ex. Once you've gotten all the pent-up rage and anger out, you make peace with the fact that it's over. And you move on.

Keep yourself busy, too.

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Permalink Reply by Minda on January 27, 2009 at 10:37pm

I cried for about a week and moved on.

Then I became a happily married woman and he got married. (Married the girl he cheated on me with.)
They had a baby. He started showing up in my town.....without her.....and ended up running into me in town alot. (this weren't strange random events..he planned them.)
He got addicted to pain pills. (started driving past my parents house when I was there.)
They decided to separate. ( he moved back with his parents) His mother came into my work place and told me about it.
They divorced. Then the "stalking" proceeded.
His family happened to live a little ways from where my husband and I lived.
He would follow my husband home.
He'd show up on the road right behind me.
He knew every vehicle we drove.
He started "running into me" in town.

We (hubby and I) ended up moving back to my parents house because we both became college students. (as opposed to me only)
My parents also needed the money we could provide.
So because of the economic hardships this country is going through..and my parents difficulty with finances...we live with my parents.
So...when we moved back my mother saw the dreaded EX (we call him Voldemort...as in he who should not be named) at the county courthouse....and told him to not even THINK about driving past her house cause she'd call the law.

It's been 3 years and with all the "run ins" he hasn't let me move on completely.

But as you can see from the misfortunes of his "marriage" and his reduced state (being addicted to pain pills).....Karma got back at him for everything he did to me. And Karma is still a bigger B**** than I choose to be.

It might take years is what I'm saying...and you can't be completely guaranteed a complete break. Lets hope your EX never shows up as a stalker. LOL!

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Permalink Reply by dmb5_libra on January 27, 2009 at 10:58pm

drink....drunkenly bitch to your friends/family....end all communication with ex.

the third one was really the most beneficial for me.

it's always going to be rough no matter how you decide to cope, its normal to grieve the loss of something that was such a big part of your life. just know and trust that things will get better and life will go on. stay positive.