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Bank of Mom and Dad
I heard about this new show called Bank of Mom and Dad I just had to blog about it. Basically the premise is this: young women who are in debt move back in with their parents, come clean about their debt, and work with a financial expert in order to develop healthier money habits.
The financial expert seems to have good intentions, but I couldn't imagine running to my parents and telling them about my money problems. I mean, my parents have a general idea of my money situation, but I certainly don't give them any details. I think that would be very difficult for me to do.
What about you guys? What do you tell your parents about your money issues? Do you keep them in the loop or far away? If you were in debt, would you be willing to accept any help from them?
The financial expert seems to have good intentions, but I couldn't imagine running to my parents and telling them about my money problems. I mean, my parents have a general idea of my money situation, but I certainly don't give them any details. I think that would be very difficult for me to do.
What about you guys? What do you tell your parents about your money issues? Do you keep them in the loop or far away? If you were in debt, would you be willing to accept any help from them?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by California on -
Well, I'm still in school (which they significantly contribute to), so I keep both of my parents fairly "in the loop" regarding my finances. Once I graduate they will obviously know about how much I'm in debt (again, since they cosigned the loans), but beyond that I wouldn't see myself telling them every detail of my financial situation- particularly since I tend to be fairly private about money to begin with.
That being said, it sounds like the women on this show have pretty significant financial issues. In the event that I was that far in over my head, I could see myself going to my parents- at that point where else do you have to go? I would be uncomfortable telling them every detail of the problem, but at the same time if they're giving me housing and helping me get my act together, I also feel they have a certain right to know what the situation exactly is. It would be unfair to accept their parents generosity and then not be forthright and share what's going on, you know?
But I do have some friends who live on their own who still have their parents send them what basically amounts to an allowance, which I find sort of ridiculous.
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Permalink Reply by David Stehle on -
Hmm, I heard about that show too. Although my situation was just the total opposite. A couple years ago I had my parents coming to me and my sisters for money!
A combination of unwise decisions and bad luck with the dotcom bubble busting left their financial portfolio a mess, which then wrecked havoc on their day to day living expenses, bills, etc. Anyway, without getting into a ton of detail, long story short...we were the bailout for our parents. And being the youngest of three, that wasn't easy considering the fact I had only graduated college about a year earlier and was not exactly "wealthy" to be giving out freebie loans.
So to answer your question - I think once you reach the age of 18 you're an adult and should act like one. It's nobody's job but your own to fix the financial mess that you've created.
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Permalink Reply by T on -
oh my parents know everything that is going on with me money wise, they have been supporting me for the last two months while i switched cities and jobs...i dont like asking them for help but ya i would move back home at 25 years old to get back on my feet and that is looking more and more like a good thing to do
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Permalink Reply by Claire Louise on -
I don't know that I could ever move back with my parents, even if it was for financial reasons.
I moved out when I was 17, and have been in charge of my own finances since then; my parents know generally where I am at ie. I have money, I'm flat broke, im working or not working, but they dont know exactly how much is going where or the exact amount coming in. As soon as I moved out on my own, that became my business and my responsibility, as far as I was concerned. If I was in a really tight spot I would ask for advice, but to be honest I would rather sort it out myself, work extra hours or a second job, to get my finances back in line.
Some may call it stubborness, but the day I moved out, my parents house ceased to be an option in my mind. It's not that they wouldn't help me out, but more that I don't want that option there - I find it easier to keep everything in line if I know there is no other way. That's what being an adult is about, isn't it? being able to see the problem and not letting it get to that point? That's all part of being a grown up to me.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on -
since i'm back to living in my parents' house after i graduated college, they are very much aware of my financial situation and its uncomfortable for me to be back after i've been away for so long but beggars can't be choosers I guess. and yes, i think they would be the first i would go to if i am in debt. i'm more comfortable asking for a loan from my immediate family than friends.
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Permalink Reply by L.L. on -
My parents have bailed me out on occasion - nothing major, just some extra dollars here and there where needed. I have loaned them money before too. It happens. Neither of my parents are in the best financial shape, so I couldn't get them to bail me out of any massive problem, but if I needed a couple hundred bucks they would help me. And if they needed it from me, I would help them if I could.
That said though - I am an adult which is why they don't bail me out on the big stuff, I simply won't ask them too. If I've done (or not done) something stupid to end up in a bad way, I'd rob a bank before going to either of them.
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Permalink Reply by Harper and Beatrix on -
my parents are a safety net we don't always have to talk about but we all know is there. and we are all very happy to have it there because some days trapeezing is dangerous.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on -
Oh man, this is a tender issue. I turned down a full-ride for grad school to go to the grad school of my choice, coming with that nearly 60K of student loan debt. Since graduating, I had a menial position at my "dream job," which paid pennies and had no hope for a promotion or a raise. So I moved. Cross country to California. Where the cost of living skyrocketed, the job I accepted paid minimum wage and only last about two months before I was living on credit cards and refused to move home- to my begging parents who were offering me a free place to stay to help me get back on my feet.
Was I irresponsible? Sure. But I took a risk, and the dividends of personal growth are paying off. I had to rely on my parents for a couple of months, but I took control of my financial woes-- I have a job that doesn't utilize any of my education, but pays great, I spoke with my creditors and negotiated a settlement for some of my credit card bills, and I paid deferment fees for my student loans for six months. While I will most likely be in debt until my thirties or forties because of my student loans, I am no longer drowning in it like I was four or five months ago. I've learned to live within my means, and for the time being, I can live with that.
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Permalink Reply by Anne-Marie Dean on -
Well, this is a tough and sensitive issue, and I'm apparently in the minority, or not, depending on how many people admit it...I'm 27 and moving back in with my parents. I'm working part-time teaching a few college classes, after being laid-off for the 4th year in a row (they tell you teachers will always have jobs...they lie!), and it seemed like the smart thing to do for me personally so I could save money while I apply for jobs that will more than likely require a significant move. It's not so much that I'm in major debt (though those student loans are killer), it's more of a pre-emptive-ish strike and an attempt to beef up the savings.
I'm not looking forward to having them watch me and comment on my life, which I know they'll do even though they say they won't. But I am looking forward to having some breathing room, some money to save, and perhaps the chance to get to know who the hell my parents are now. I've lived on my own for four years now, and those four years beat me up. I need this time to recooperate, take stock and figure out my next move. I've got friends who understand the situation, the offer of couches when it gets to be too much, and the promise from my sister that she'll force me to move if I'm there next September.
So, like I said, it's not ideal, but it's the best option I had.
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Permalink Reply by Akirah on -
I think a responsible adult knows when to accept help and doesn't allow pride make her get in over her head. I think you're making a wise decision and will learn a lot from it.
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Permalink Reply by cooper on -
What a horrible idea for a show. I am not much for laying my issues on my parents, financial or otherwise. They have their own life, and though I feel like I can discuss anything with them, and I suppose if a catastrophe occurred I'd probably discuss it with them, I don't think I'd bother them with the everyday things that might worry them. I think once you're out of college you should be on your own and leave your parents to enjoy the rest of their life and their money.
I've never had a money issue though, so I can't put myself in the position of some. I did not pay for my undergrad education, and am paying for my graduate education with money left to me from my grandparents. I might feel totally different were I strapped by thousands of dollars of student loans. I know several people struggling to pay their rent above their loans, and for whom grad school is delayed due to that situation. I think I'd consider at least moving back in with my parents to attend grad school were I in a situation where I couldn't afford to go to school and live.
I prefer not to bother to keep them in the loop of my life but not in the details.
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Permalink Reply by Akirah on
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You are VERY lucky to have a family who has been able to support you financially, prior to graduation. That is such a blessing. I know my parents WISH they could've done that for me, but it wasn't possible. I'm not sure what your parents do that they were able to do that for you, but they seem like great people to model wise financial decisions.
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