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Being the other woman
I have been the "other woman" most of my life.
I lost my virginity to a Navy sailor stationed here in CT that I thought I was seriously dating only to discover mere hours later that he was engaged to a woman at home in LA.
My next boyfriend and I were on and off for years, and I knew every time we went off that there was another woman around.
I made out with my boss knowing full well that he was engaged to a coworker of mine.
I've considered sleeping with an old fling even though I knew he was in a long-term serious relationship.
I'm not proud of it, and unlike other women, i am not attracted solely to taken men. I've never knowingly slept with a guy that I knew was committed to someone else. I've taken steps in the past three years to reform that.
I realized this morning that in my last "relationship," I was again other woman because he was, in fact, in love with his (married) best friend. He values her opinion so much that it was so easy for her to destroy me when her husband left for boot camp, and she had the physical opportunity to act on the attraction they had.
I've blamed him so much for leaving me for her, when in fact that wasn't it. She was there all along, I was the intruder.
http://confessionsofacocktailnapkin.blogspot.com/
I don't want to be second place anymore. Anyone empathize?
I lost my virginity to a Navy sailor stationed here in CT that I thought I was seriously dating only to discover mere hours later that he was engaged to a woman at home in LA.
My next boyfriend and I were on and off for years, and I knew every time we went off that there was another woman around.
I made out with my boss knowing full well that he was engaged to a coworker of mine.
I've considered sleeping with an old fling even though I knew he was in a long-term serious relationship.
I'm not proud of it, and unlike other women, i am not attracted solely to taken men. I've never knowingly slept with a guy that I knew was committed to someone else. I've taken steps in the past three years to reform that.
I realized this morning that in my last "relationship," I was again other woman because he was, in fact, in love with his (married) best friend. He values her opinion so much that it was so easy for her to destroy me when her husband left for boot camp, and she had the physical opportunity to act on the attraction they had.
I've blamed him so much for leaving me for her, when in fact that wasn't it. She was there all along, I was the intruder.
http://confessionsofacocktailnapkin.blogspot.com/
I don't want to be second place anymore. Anyone empathize?
Tags: relationships
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by L.L. on -
Been there, done that, wrote a blog about it.. ha ha ha... maybe it will help you out.
http://shiftlessandlazy.blogspot.com/2009/05/that-other-woman.html
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Permalink Reply by PP on -
I was there once. It was something I got into by accident and I would never want to go there again - not only did I feel guilty for doing what I did, and for hating the guy's girlfriend, I felt absolute rubbish when he ultimately did choose her over me. I still feel bad about it now, despite the fact they are now married and expecting a kid (I think). I even sort of judge the guy i'm currently seeing for cheating on someone ten years ago. Which is bad of me, but I think because I basically had someone cheat on me more recently, I don't like the idea of ANYONE being cheated on now.
And nowadays, I always feel like I'm comparing myself to the guy's ex. And wondering if he'll ever like me as much as he liked her. Hmmm . . . does that make me the other woman again if I'M putting her into the "relationship"??
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Permalink Reply by Aurora on -
I've learned that there are several ways you can be "the other woman." 1. You date someone who is, in fact, committed to someone else. 2. You are dating someone who is in love with another. 3. You bring the "ex" into the relationship. 4. You date someone who has a female "best friend."
None of those situations are particularly lovely.
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Permalink Reply by Ambar Rivera on -
I personally HATE, LOATHEEE female best friends. Such things don't exist. Period. I have amazing guy friends, but as soon as they're in a relationship, I get lost. I don't want to be hated by yet another girl. Plus, they don't really want to see me, all they want to do is spend time with their new found love. Everyone wins.
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Permalink Reply by L.L. on
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I'm calling BS on this - My best friend is a guy and he gets along with my BF swimmingly, and his GF and me get along great. Sure there are a lot of people out there with jealousy issues - but there are some grown ups out there who can handle grown up relationships.
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Permalink Reply by Ambar Rivera on
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WOW!! I think it's amazing the fact that you can stay positive (when you said thies: She was there all along, I was the intruder.) about it.
But yea, been there, done that. Although none of the guys were married/engaged. They just had a girlfriend and I knew it, sometimes I even knew the girlfriends. However, I never thought of myself as the other woman, why? Well, because I wasn't dating them and I never, EVER had feelings for them. I do realize that this hurts the girlfriend/wife/fiancee. I would physically die of pain if I found out something like that about my bf. Ok, gonna stop talking about me now.
You deserve FIRST PLACE!!!!! Yes you do, so go find yourself a decent, SINGLE guy who wants you to be his girlfriend and eventually wife.
Good luck out there =)
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Permalink Reply by T ™ on -
For me Serious relationships are few & far between.
Dating guys that are known to be flirts was sometimes fun but never worth it so i would normally just
stop taking their calls all together.
as far as the lessons you've learned I've been there too.
Red-flags I look for are
1. How often he talks about his ex. whether its good or bad! if the ex is being brought up in
one form or another it's never a good thing.
2. If he blames the ex for the relationship not working out. [it always takes 2 people to make or break a relationship]
3 Never date a guy who just got out of a relationship!!! [even if its been over 6 months!] Usually the way to tell if they are
really over them is by looking out for #1 & #2. lol.
I don't think having a 'girl best friend' is a bad thing as long as the girl knows where to draw the line.
Even when you know what to look out for there are chances you'll let your feelings take over... and let yourself go through the motions.
I did so with my last ex-bf. he was a great guy, but at the end of the day... he couldn't see past his ex's mind-games.
personally, it's not about jealousy... its about respect.
People will always treat you the way you allow them to treat you. [best advice i got]
Good luck with everything & yes! You CAN and YOU will do Much better! :)
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Permalink Reply by Aurora on
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Thanks for all the support ladies. It has taken me many, many drinks to feel so flippant about it because it hurts that I never really had a chance, despite all the things he said to me. He made me feel like I was crazy to suspect there was something going on with them. And, here's the hardest thing, I had an abortion because he (due to other circumstances in his life that I will keep secret) did not want a baby. Now I wonder had she not been around, and had he not been so in love with her all along, if he would have considered having the baby with me.
They are living together now; she apparently left her husband for him. And that hurts, alot. He hasn't told me, or (our) his friends, or his family yet, probably because they will know he broke up her marriage.
I know I deserve better....why is the sex always so great with the assholes?
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Permalink Reply by Aurora on
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Ladies, will you mind commenting on the blog I wrote about it?
http://confessionsofacocktailnapkin.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-guess-i-...
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Permalink Reply by Johnonline on -
what can i say? the best persons (for a relationship) in the world are taken. it's either you respect it or take them away... lol
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