Blogging about relationships annonymously

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Permalink Reply by Vanessa on March 11, 2009 at 8:26am

Start a different blog and write about it that way, I guess?

But what are your motivations for blogging about it, exactly? Do you want advice? Do you just need to get it out in writing? If it's the latter, maybe you should just write it in a private journal and then see how you feel.

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Permalink Reply by Your Ill-fitting Overcoat on March 11, 2009 at 1:22pm

Ditto to Vanessa's second paragraph. Asking myself what my motivations are always helps me sort things out.

If you just want advice, you can ask your friends or email other bloggers you respect. If you just want to get out your feelings, you can write in a private journal. If you want to share your story because you think it could help others who are going through the same thing, you could write in a dating/relationships forum that's separate from your blog.

If you just want to passive-aggressively let your girlfriend know how you feel without actually having to communicate with her about it, then that might not be the best motivation for blogging about it. :)

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Permalink Reply by Jon Bishop on March 11, 2009 at 10:40am

Just start a new blogger or wordpress blog for venting.

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Permalink Reply by JJ on March 11, 2009 at 12:06pm

I've been in a relationship where the g/f actually read my blog. Things that would happen between us, good and bad would make their way onto my blog through my writing. Sometimes the issue/subject was hidden behind double meanings and metaphors to help mask their presence. Once in a while she'd know what I was getting at, and it helped her better understand what I was feeling/thinking about the things happening. (I can be very convincing in my writings)

This was good for the relationship, but in the end...this uncensored view into my world toll on both of us. Now, I would think twice before letting a potential or even present girlfriend read the blog.

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Permalink Reply by Your Ill-fitting Overcoat on March 11, 2009 at 1:19pm

Oof. I've never been in the situation of blogging about a serious/committed relationship, but I've definitely blogged about new relationships as they begin and it's tough. In each case, the person I was dating didn't read my blog, but could fairly easily find it so I had to write as if they WERE a reader because they could be at any moment.

For me, this was a good thing-- it helped keep me in check. When I'm writing about other people, I'm careful to respect their privacy and their dignity-- I don't give out any identifiable information about them and I don't share personal things they've told me or tell stories that could harm their reputation. I think that's a good rule of thumb whether you're blogging anonymously or not. Nothing on the internet is as anonymous as you think it is.

Depending on your relationship with your girlfriend, starting a separate, anonymous blog could further divide you. Keeping secrets feels awful and it adds stress to your relationship-- especially if you're constantly worrying that she'll find it or what she'll think if she does.

I would be honest and up front with your girlfriend about your feelings and your need to share your story. Let her know that you'll be writing about some of your struggles, but won't divulge private information about her or share anything that could identify to her to readers. Tell her that she's welcome to read it if she'd like, but that you'd prefer if she didn't if she thinks it will make her uncomfortable.

That's my advice!

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Permalink Reply by David Stehle on March 12, 2009 at 11:43pm

I believe in discretion when it comes to my personal relationships, especially when it comes to girls and dating. So for me, I find it best not to blog about my love life, especially a current romantic relationship. It may come back to haunt you! Even if you start a new blog or think you are writing anonymously and keeping it private, there's still a chance she or someone she knows will come across it and discover it's you! I don’t know about you, but that’s a risk I’m not willing to take, especially if it ruins an otherwise good relationship!

While sometimes it's nice (insightful) to get an outside party's take on a situation you are going thru, more often than not letting outsiders into your relationship is a bad idea. The relationship is supposed to be about the 2 of you, not the 3 or 3,000 of you. Keep it simple. If you're having problems, she's the best person to talk to because she's in it too! Just think about it.

So in short, if you need to vent, I suggest doing it on paper. Then rip it up and throw it away. That way you’ll get stuff off your chest, without airing your dirty laundry. Your girl will thank you for this.

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Permalink Reply by Christine on April 5, 2009 at 8:55am

I was going to reply to this discussion, but thought I'd read some of the responses first. I could not agree with you more! Seriously--I read your response and thought I could have written it myself. Why can't all guys think like you do?! ;-)

Anyway, why risk ruining an otherwise good relationship by blogging about it? Talk to your girlfriend. Communication is such an important part of any relationship. She'll probably respect you a little bit more if you actually know how to talk to her about something that's bothering you. I know I would. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when I date a guy and he can't talk to me about the little things. Those little things often become big things, too. Then, the guy comes to the girl as he's breaking up with her to vent about all the things that were going wrong. It could have been solved sooo easily by a little bit of talking. (What a concept!) Also, if you can't talk to her, I think you have some more serious issues other than the situation at hand.

I completely agree with David. If you want to write it all down to get it off your chest, do it on paper. Then rip it up and trash it. She can find a journal almost as easily as she could read your blog. I suggest doing this in addition to talking with her though. Good luck! :-)

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Permalink Reply by Harper and Beatrix on March 12, 2009 at 11:50pm

i've been on the other side. it was not fun.

don't let her find out things on the internet.

http://butfridayiminlove.blogspot.com/2009/02/what-im-not-telling-y...

~beatrix

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Permalink Reply by Andhari on March 12, 2009 at 11:56pm

I don't write about my relationship in the blog, other than a few snippets like if I go out and it was fun and anything, but simply that. I don't like it if it gets me in trouble later in the future.

But well, it depends on the people. Personally, I'd rather than if i have a boyfriend, he doesn't read or know I have a blog. I'd so much prefer that, if later he reads and point me something, I'd certainly think he's nosy and it will be a growing trouble. At least for me.

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Permalink Reply by heather on March 14, 2009 at 10:29pm

The best thing is always to talk to friends (or your girlfriend!) about these things. When it comes to blogging about other people, you have to acknowledge that you don't always have the right to share their business with the world.

I have a rule about never saying anything on the internet that you wouldn't say to a person's face. Even if it's a blog that you think your girlfriend doesn't know about, even if it's an anonymous blog--you never know if maybe she found it somehow. If it's on the internet, it's public.

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Permalink Reply by Miss Yummyface on March 17, 2009 at 1:45pm

If it's advice and support you want, you could always submit a post to the Secret Lady Garden

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Permalink Reply by Mindy on March 17, 2009 at 2:44pm

If you want to write about your relationship, but don't want her to read it, start fresh with something new. Lots of people have two blogs so you could make one about your relationship - a guy's perspective on relationships is always interesting, ha - and avoid the topic on your current blog.

And there's no reason you couldn't make the new one an anonymous adventure.

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