Calling all you married 20SB-ers!

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Permalink Reply by Heather on March 14, 2010 at 12:30pm

I am 25 and was married nine months ago. Let me try to answer some of your questions:
Tell me, what is it like being married in your twenties?
It hard to answer this question, because I have nothing to compare it to. Everyone I know, including older couples, were married in their 20s. I think it is hard in general. In you 20s, you are still pretty self absorbed. To think about someone elses feelings to to be accountable to anouther person is difficult. But this could also be the case for any age and not just a couple in their 20s.

Do you ever think to yourself, 'I should have waited' or would you have tied the knot earlier if you could have?
I think I should have waited all the time, especially during an arguement. But in all honestly, I know that even if I would have waited, it wouldn't have made it any easier. We would both have the same issues and arguements to work through.

What kind of pressures and expectations do you feel you and your spouse face compared to older couples?
Well, the pressure to start having children is ALWAYS there, especially from family members and grandparents. The wasy people act like you should always be happy and kissing and touching, because your still on your "honeymoon" phase is annoying. Other than that, I don't really think there are too many differences. between 20s couples and married couples.

The only really expectations that really matter when you are married are yours and those of your spouse. And many people don't think things change when you get married. And I was one of those people. But things do change. Expectations certaintly change. Which is not "fair", but I don't think it is something that can be controlled.

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Permalink Reply by Jeney on March 24, 2010 at 12:58pm

I wanted to thank ALL of you so much for all of your input!

I have the article posted up for you all to enjoy! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

http://www.examiner.com/x-40190-Fargo-Twentysomething-Relationships...

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Permalink Reply by Jenny Dee on March 24, 2010 at 1:53pm

I'm 26 and got married in October.

I had the opportunity to tie the knot earlier (at the age of 21). I don't think the reason that didn't work out isn't because I was too young, but because I was with the wrong person. Also, much like many younger 20-somethings I come across on Weddingbook and The Knot, I think I was more fascinated with the wedding itself than the actual marriage. It would have ended badly had we gone through with it.

Getting married at 26 was a good choice for me. I don't feel the need to sow any wild oats or anything like that, and most of my closer friends are also married, so there's no awkward couples time, or if there is, my friends are mature enough to handle it and understand that I'm married (I hope!). At my age, nobody was telling me I was too young, either.

As far as pressures and expectations, almost everyone has been okay with that. We got a lot of pressure about buying a home because the process wasn't moving fast enough for some members of our families (we definitely wanted to buy one, but needed to find the "right" one). Nobody's been pushing for grandkids any time soon, though they'd be happy about it. My mom pretends to have a heart attack when I bring it up, but whatever :) We're more than happy to have kids someday, but let's get the house thing settled first.

To tell you the truth, people I don't know that well have been more obnoxious about the baby thing than any of our close friends and family. Mostly joking. The only time it bothers me is when the assumption is that Hubby's in trouble because I want kids and fawn over cute babies when they're around. Um, he wants kids, too.

Based on previous comments, it sounds like we're getting off easy :)

I CAN say that with being married comes an easier acceptance that you're a packaged deal. Friends are more willing to automatically invite my HUSBAND as opposed to my BOYFRIEND. That doesn't mean it's not nice to plan a girls' night out or that Hubby doesn't get time with the guys. It just means that they suddenly understand this person is kind of an extension of you now.

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Permalink Reply by Whitney on March 24, 2010 at 2:43pm

I'm 21, and my husband is 23. We've been married 2 years in May. I was still a couple months short of 20 when we got married, so I definitely got the "too young to get married' comments from people who didn't really know me or us or our history. We had a few things we knew we wanted before getting married. We waited until we were financially stable and my husband was out of college w/ a good job with a stable company/good benefits. I don't wish we had waited any longer, but I am glad we waited until he was out of school/employed. I think both of us married & in college would have been really difficult.

Pressures/expectations were a lot worse before I graduated college. People didn't understand why I would get married so young & thought my not wanting to go out with a huge single group of people while my husband and I were living in different states meant he was controlling. I viewed it as just being respectful. I struggled for a while about feeling "legitimate" around our married friends. We finally found a group of other married people in their early 20s that we loved, but then we moved to Florida, and now we're kind of back to square one in that area. All of the married couples we've met here are in their late 20s, further into their careers than us, and they're starting families. We're a long way from that.

As far as pressure goes, I think it's a little stressful when friends get engaged/married, and automatically assume I know everything there is to know about planning a wedding or handling married life. I also find myself having to bite my tongue around friends who think their marriage is going to be perfect. It's a learning process and choice to continually not be selfish. I think a lot of my single and engaged friends have some serious misconceptions about that, which is frustrating and kind of makes me not even want to talk to them about their relationships.

Overall, I think we're doing well for an early 20-something married couple. People had doubts that I would finish college. I did. People thought we'd get pregnant fast. We didn't. People assumed we'd get buried in debt as we tried to live on one income while I was in college. I'm happy to say we're debt-free aside from our mortgage. And we put 20 percent down for that, which a lot of older couples still can't do. Ultimately, defeating all those doubts from others has brought us closer. Every hurdle we cross is like a new bonding experience. We lean on each other, encourage each other, and at the end, we smile and say, "We did it!"

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Permalink Reply by Krysten (After 'I Do') on April 3, 2010 at 2:03pm

I got married when I was 25.

For us, tying the knot when we did was absolutely fine. We'd been together 3 years by the time we got married, had been living together for over 2 years and it was just the right time.

I was never good at being single. I like having a partner and my husband is one of my very best friends. When we first met I remember thinking, "Oh my gosh, he is so perfect for me!" And I haven't changed that thinking at all. We have fun together, we're goofy together, we love the same things but we're also different enough that it works. We complement each other. I always said that I wanted to be with someone laid back, who can remind me to stop and smell the roses. And my husband does that for me.

I do sometimes feel that I compare myself to other couples that are our age. My husband is currently working a job that could turn into his career but I am just going back to school and I'm 26. I don't like that we're still renting rather than owning and I'd love to have kids. A lot of our friends are in those stages and the one thing that I wish is that we were further along when it comes to work and money.

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