The Bloggers With The Most To Say
Cancer
I noticed that there are no specific discussions on cancer which is odd, considering almost everyone knows someone or of someone who has been touched by cancer.
I'm involved with the American Cancer Society's Relay For Life (as a volunteer, I'm not on staff) and the Relay I participate in is just a few short weeks away. I’ve lost loved ones, seen others fight, and know good friends who are battling every day for their lives.
My cancer emotions are on their yearly high because my Relay is right around the corner so I can feel a cancer blog post coming soon but I wanted to create a forum for everyone to share their cancer experiences. Through cancer, unfortunately, we can all relate.
For anyone who needs some inspiration or a reason to keep fighting this disease, these are my words to you: Cancer sucks. And it can creep into your life quickly and quietly. Live each day to the fullest and love with all your heart. Appreciate all that you have and limit your regrets. Live happy.
So tell me, what have you been through and what are your words of advice?
I'm involved with the American Cancer Society's Relay For Life (as a volunteer, I'm not on staff) and the Relay I participate in is just a few short weeks away. I’ve lost loved ones, seen others fight, and know good friends who are battling every day for their lives.
My cancer emotions are on their yearly high because my Relay is right around the corner so I can feel a cancer blog post coming soon but I wanted to create a forum for everyone to share their cancer experiences. Through cancer, unfortunately, we can all relate.
For anyone who needs some inspiration or a reason to keep fighting this disease, these are my words to you: Cancer sucks. And it can creep into your life quickly and quietly. Live each day to the fullest and love with all your heart. Appreciate all that you have and limit your regrets. Live happy.
So tell me, what have you been through and what are your words of advice?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by terryn on -
At the age of 38 my Dad died of lung cancer 4 years ago. It was probably one of the most awful things we've ever been through.
My advice- don't smoke. Not only are you chancing hurting yourself, but the people you love.
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Permalink Reply by leilani on -
i am doing relay for life on friday! so pumped! :) :) I love it. Both of my parents have cancer. It is a very difficult (understatement) disease to cope with not only for those whom it afflicts, but also their families and loved ones. I personally have a very deep hatred for the fact that our treatments are usually worse than the disease itself.
It does suck... you have to really appreciate the good moments and savour all the happy times. My words of advice are to be bravely hopeful... that is what really blows my mind about cancer patients, how, going through something the majority of the population cannot even begin to fathom the realities of, so many of them are so enthusiastically and unreservedly hopeful. I think it's something we could all use a little more of.
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Permalink Reply by Angela Marie Minicuci on -
Well said, I completely agree.
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Permalink Reply by TheStepster on -
I am truly sorry to know both your parents are battling cancer.
I hope they are doing well. I hope you are doing well too.
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Permalink Reply by Allie on -
My grandfather has had colon cancer and skin cancer. My grandmother had breast cancer and her sister had ovarian cancer. Now my best friend's little sister, who is like a sister to me, is 19 and may have cervical cancer. So I've seen it a lot and had it in my life, it is terrible and one of the hardest things to deal with. I have done Relay for Life three times and it is wonderful.
Someday I really want to do the 3 day breast cancer walk.... this year in my city it is the weekend I am getting married so hopefully next year.
http://mymarineandme.blogspot.com
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Permalink Reply by Anthony Licari on -
I always see that advertisement for the cancer treatment centers of America where the lady said the first doctor she went to said she had 2 months to live and then went to the cancer treatment center where the doctor more or less said that it's up to her for how long she wants to live and eventually her tumor completely went away. That's messed up, I mean I obviously don't know the details surrounding her first visit but as a doctor and your awareness of how the mind can heal the body I just don't think it's right. You need to be honest but at the same time there have been enough cases of people who have come back from a terminal state largely due to a change in their attitude(and treatment obviously) so just writing some one off as dead seems like the wrong thing to say.
I know it's just an advertisement and that may seem shallow, I really don't have any experience first hand of people that are going through this.
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Permalink Reply by Angela Marie Minicuci on
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That's not shallow and it brings up a good point. A cancer diagnosis is devastating and many are unwilling to seek second opinions and just accept the fate that they have. A positive attitude may not always save a life, but it will always mean things will turn out better in the end.
And I'm happy that you don't have a personal connection with cancer. That's rare and I hope you don't have to deal with cancer anytime soon.
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Permalink Reply by Dianne R. on -
I hate cancer. It pretty much tore up my entire adolescence. My grandpa died from a severe case of lung cancer. He suffered horribly. But to be honest, I don't have a memory of him not holding a cigarette, even after the diagnosis.
THEN my mom was diagnosed with colon, liver, and pancreatic cancer when I was almost 15. She barely made it through the first surgery. She spent the next 2.5 years going through treatment after treatment, doctor after doctor. She almost died a dozen times. I was checked out of school at least 5 times under the pretense of saying goodbye to my mom because they didn't think she was going to make it through the day. Then she would get a little bit better and crash again. I was pretty much on the edge of a nervous break down through my teen years. I took care of her with my dad because my older brothers didn't do crap to help. I fed her, I gave her baths, I did her meds, changed her colostomy bags, learned how to work a morphine pump and clean her port. Nothing a 15-17 year old kid should have to do for their parent. After her last treatment, right before I turned 17 she decided she was over it and just wanted to die. For a month I listened to the whole "I'm going to die soon" talk and that tortured me. She slipped into a coma and died in May.
It sucked worse than anything imaginable. You're watching your parent die slowly, taking care of them like a baby, and you're trying to grow up at the same time. You start to lose your grip on life because everything that should be happening at that moment and for the rest of your life isn't going to happen at all. You can see yourself getting ready for prom, graduating from high school, moving off to college, graduating, getting married, having babies and all of this without the one person that should be there.
My words of advice would be to try to be there for the person. If they pass away, be prepared to carry it with you for the rest of your life. It doesn't necessarily get easier, it just numbs after a while. It becomes a part of who you are and how you live your life. If you're trying to be there for someone who has lost someone for whatever reason. Do not say "I know what you're going through." It's bull shit and the last thing most people want to hear. Don't try to impart some piece of wisdom on them because you may have gone through something similar. The best thing to say, in my opinion anyway, is 'I'm sorry for your loss. This is a horrible time and if you need me for anything, even if it's just to talk, you can call me anytime. I am here for you."
I may be a little more jaded than most. The following 3 years I lost my other two grandparents and a good friend to a wreck.
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Permalink Reply by Angela Marie Minicuci on
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Dianne, to begin, I'm so sorry to hear you went through all of that at so young an age. But I want to thank you for your advice, I think that's something everyone should hear. So many times we want to comfort ones we love who are going through such a tough time but we never know the right words. That sounds perfect and I know I'll remember that. On one last note, I am here for you, as is most of the 20sb community. We may not all be able to relate to each other perfectly, but from what I've seen, everyone here is very supportive.
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Permalink Reply by Dianne R. on
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Thank you so much for your response. It's taken me years to even talk about it openly. It wasn't until this past year when my best friend *who is a nurse* had a cancer patient pass away who had two teenage daughters. When she passed away these two girls only had my best friend and their grandparents to help them. They had lived with almost the same exact circumstances I had at their age. It was really hard for my best friend to help them, because she felt like she was reliving our teenage years all over again. They asked her if she knew anyone like them, and of course she said me, but that I didn't talk about it at all. I felt like I had to get over myself and talk to these girls if they needed someone to discuss it all with. Which of course they did.
Talking with them was hard. But I could see that it helped. I still talk to them every few months. It's one of those things, that healing doesn't happen all at once and if they're able to talk to someone, they should. I urged their grandparents to put them in counseling and I told them to feel good about going. I just recently started counseling, nearly 8 years after the fact. I imagine had I entered it directly after her passing, I would have saved myself a lot of grief over the years.
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Permalink Reply by Shayna on -
In 2008 both my aunt and my grandfather died from cancer - cancers that were undetected and therefore untreated until the very end (in my grandfather's case it was too late to treat it at all) - other favorite relatives have also died in recent years from cancer, and my family tree is riddled with the Breast Cancer Gene - BRCA 1/2. I have no idea what "hardening of the arteries" means or the odds of living through a stroke, but I know what it looks like to die from cancer... I miss them- all of them (and there are many) - every day, and at every major event, holiday, and random Tuesday when I'm driving a long distance and want to talk to someone on the phone.
My Passover dinner table is much smaller these days, and its because of cancer - so I'm glad that there are so many people who are fighting to find a cure.
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Permalink Reply by Whitney on -
My husband's best friend (the corey to his shawn for boy meets world lovers) passed away from cancer in August 2005. Since then, we've met many others whose lives have been changed through the loss of a loved one to cancer. The only thing I know to say anymore is that you don't get over losing someone that way, so I think it's pointless to try to move past it. I know with my husband and others I know who've lost best friends or fiances, they don't even really want to move past it. One of their biggest fears is forgetting that person. My dad lost his best friend at 18, not from cancer but from drunk driving, and he has told me not a day goes by that he doesn't think about them. It's always reassuring to me that you don't forget - that life is changed forever because that person mattered so much. Losing a loved one will affect your life always, so let it in a positive way. For us, it was a reminder that nothing is promised and to not let fear hold us back. It had a huge impact on us getting married so young (19 and 21), because risks didn't seem so risky anymore. They seemed like living.
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