The Bloggers With The Most To Say
Dear Prudie Blog Addition
I almost had to laugh at Dear Prudence today. 3 letters down is one from a guy whose ex girlfriend keeps a blog, and he doesn't want her writing about him.
It made me laugh, because I do write about my ex fairly frequently. He actually knows about my blog and that I write about him (and that most of his family reads it), so that hasn't really ever been an issue with us (we have been in a long standing pattern of working our way back together). But it made me think...
When blogging, do we owe a level of privacy to the people we write about? Should permission be asked before posting pictures? And should nicknames always be used (I work really hard to do this, but sometimes it's hard to come up with something!)
What do you all think?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by jaminicole on -
Back when I was in high school, my friends and I all had LiveJournals, and as such we frequently wrote about each other. And, since it was high school, we occasionally wrote scathing, awful things about one another.
I kept my LJ through college, when I was dating my ex. He was uncomfortable with my writing about him even then. Now that we've broken up and broken contact, I occasionally write about him, but mostly in how it relates to where I am. When I do mention him, I make sure not to use names...but anyone who knows me knows exactly who I'm talking about, so I'm not sure it makes much of a difference.
But today I received an e-mail from him. He mentioned my "meltdown" that I'm planning, which I had just blogged about and sent me a song he thought I should listen to (kind of a sweet thing he used to do.) And he also referenced another song I'd mentioned in a post that was really dumb and self-indulgent about how I missed him and stuff like that. So I think he doesn't mind it so much anymore, which is odd.
I don't think this adds anything to the discussion, but for some reason I felt compelled to share.
Here's my actual insight: avoiding names and specifics about people is kind of crucial, in my opinion, not only to the privacy of my friends, but to my own privacy. Just because I blog about my life doesn't mean that all my friends are okay with their business being on the internet for all to see. I think this most significantly applies to complicated situations, though - I'll talk about parties, and fellow blogging friends with ease. Some friends, I have to say, have been "honored" when they "make the blog," which I find to be hysterical.
It's a judgement call everyone has to make for themselves, though, so I suppose to each his own. Or something like that.
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Permalink Reply by Holly Renee on -
I thought your story was nice and I agree with a lot of what you say. It's really a judgment call that each of us has to make, and a lot of it comes down to what you want out there. I have to balance what seems appropriate and respectful to those around me, and what I feel I need to write to express myself honestly.
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Permalink Reply by S.I.F. on -
I totally agree with Holly Renee! I love your story, and I kind of love that he is still reading! I do think it has to be a judgment call and personal choice. I used nicknames for everyone I write about, and only those in my life would know who I'm talking about. But I still write. For me, it has never been an issue. Everyone in my life knows I am an open book and I think it's what most of them like about me. Only once has anyone ever asked me not to write about something, and I respected that. It was my dad, and when he first started going through his divorce he didn't want me writing about it. His wife was pretty harsh to me growin up, so I think he just wasn't in a place to see my feelings about the whole thing on paper. Like I said, I respsected it, and I didn't write about it until he told me it was OK... I was dying to write about it at that point though (it really is the best way I process), so I was elated when he finally gave me the go-ahead!
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Permalink Reply by Miss K on -
I think we do owe some level of privacy to the people we write about because you never know who's out there that might know the same people. There's always that whole 6 degrees of separation thing. I haven't posted pictures of anyone on my blog and I probably never would because I feel that it would be too much especially since my friends and family don't know I have a blog. It's not like facebook where they can un-tag themselves if they don't want other people to see. When I talk about my friends I always just use the first letter of their first name so the only people who would really know what or who I'm talking about would be the people who were actually there.
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Permalink Reply by Honey B. on -
That letter to Prudie cracked me up! But I do agree that you should get permission for posting names/pictures about anyone else. Its a respect thing, and this guys letter is a good example of why!
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Permalink Reply by S.I.F. on
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I couldn't stop laughing at the letter either! I was just dying that Prudie is not giving blog advice! :)
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Permalink Reply by floreta on -
bleh, when I was writing a lot about my ex, he didn't like it, because I would write about him in a negative light. But, I kept myself semi-anonymous (I have a pen name) and it's not like I said his name anywhere. He was just "the ex". I personally think those experiences are ok to write about. On one hand, I could see where it may be a little immature to display all your baggage for anyone to read, but on the other hand, it's YOUR blog and your therapy. Who cares what people think?
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Permalink Reply by Coyote Tits on -
I think we should respect others wishes within reason. One of my friend's didn't want me writing about him because his crazy ex-girlfriend was reading my blog and he didn't want to give her anything she could use against him. So i was very careful to not write about him and if i posted something he said in conjunction with something else, I was a careful to give him a nondescript pen-name or just not name him at all.
But that being said, I posted a list of text messages i sent out once when i was drunk and several were to said guy and he got upset about that. But they were my text messages, I didn't post anything anyone responded to them with. So in that case, he was just SOL.
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Permalink Reply by Peppers on -
This is why I keep my blog private. I don't allow friends and family to read it. I like the feeling of being able to write whatever I want and even complain about people. Plus I am a very private person, so I wouldn't like just anyone being able to read my blog. But I love when my internet friends read it. ;)
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Permalink Reply by Hannah Brencher on -
I tend to keep people out of my blog if there is any kind of issue surrounding them. I will mention my friends or people who have inspired me, but never in an ill manner.. I don't think that is really fair of me to do.. Plus I don't like putting my problems or dilemmas out there on the internet. I only allow my blog to skim the surface of my personal life, but that is just my preference.
Best,
Hannah Katy
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Permalink Reply by S.I.F. on
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That makes perfect sense Hannah! Since my blog is about something huge going on in my personal life, it is kind of hard to keep the details of my personal life open (plus, I think I have issues with over-sharing! :)) but I totally get your perspective!
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Permalink Reply by Susie Q on -
The way that I see it is my friends didn't decide to have an online life. Thus it is not up to me to give them one. I would never put pictures of them on without their permission or reveal their real names (as I'm not anonymous, it'd be too easy to recognise them). I refer to people as "the ex", "the boy", "the flatmate" etc.
I've been "found out" by the people who I've been writing about and upset them as it's not been particularly positive stuff. But I wouldn't take it back as it is MY life I'm writing about and MY opinions about things. And yes, my friends' lives do come into the picture. But it's sort of their alternate universe double, not ACTUALLY them as nobody knows who they are. And it's not like anything is actually about them. I mean, I wouldn't write about their lives any more than how it affects me.
But that's just me.
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