Hey folks,

New to the 20sb world - happy to be a part of the community!

Basically, like most 20-something single ladies, I'm looking for love. Is everyone around you planning their bachelorette/bachelor parties, getting married, having a baby, planning their lives way ahead of  you pretty much?

From all the people I know; close friends, friends of friends, facebook friends, the homeless... none of them found their soulmates online. So, I'm wondering -- I know it does work, but is finding love online like finding a needle in a haystack? Am I wasting my time, maybe I should join a bowling league, or participate in community events instead?

You can read some of my ridiculous dates I've blogged about at 52firstdates.ca ... I could use all the help I can get. Seriously.

 

Thanks all!

La Blonde xx

 

Tags: dating, engagement, love, marriage, online, soulmate

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I completely understand your reservations about online dating. It is weird you should post this today because I am actually going on a "date" tonight with a girl I met on a popular dating website. Well, I say "date"... we're going for a few drinks. It seems much more casual with far less pressure if I put it that way. Just a few drinks.

In regards to finding love online, I don't know, nobody does. You won't ever know unless you try! I am also sceptical about it, in fact here is a direct quote from my profile on the aforementioned popular dating website:

"I think that the chances of actually finding "the one" on a dating website are slim to none. If such a thing as "the one" even exists. If it does, the chances of actually finding "the one" in any given situation are fairly slim, so I guess dating websites can't hurt the odds."

Give it a go, you might just find what you're looking for. Even if you don't find what you're looking for, what have you got to lose?!?

Hey Martin, 
You're absolutely right - what do I have to lose?  Maybe a couple of hours and some gas/ bus fare getting to the date, right? Not too bad. It's a nice chance to have 'just a few drinks' like you put it. 
I've hit a point in my life where sitting on my couch watching bad TV is my idea of a fun night, so going out and physically meeting someone seems virtually impossible. I figure there are men out there sick of the club/bar scene as well. Since I consider myself somewhat of a normal, cool chick, I do have some faith that an equally normal, cool dude with the same interests as I would be online dating just like me. 
It's tough. But like you said, what do i have to lose? I have another 47 weekly dates to go. I better get used to them! 
 
Thanks Martin... good luck on your 'date'... I'd LOVE to hear how it goes!! @52firstdatesto
Ps. sorry if I sent this like 8 times, my cpu was acting up! 

Thought I'd give you a little update. The date went fine, we drank and chatted for around 2 hours. But there was no spark.  No romantic connection. We won't see each other again. After several dates that have been exactly the same as this... just 'fine', nothing more, nothing less, I have decided to stop trying to force the issue and give up with online dating. Maybe it is a mistake to give up, but I just can't be bothered going on any more average dates.

Hi and welcome to 20sb! :) Looking forward to checking out your Blog...

 

I have some friends that have had ZERO luck finding love online, and some friends that are in happy, healthy relationships from online dating. One friend and her man actually blow my mind, I can't believe they found each other and work so great together... He's amazing, they seem perfect for each other, and I'm confident they are going to go the distance.

 

I used to say, don't force love. It will find you, when the time is right and when it's meant to be etc... But then I saw the success of some relationships that started with online profiles. I say, don't give up on it!

 

 

Hey Rachel! 

Seriously, I should ask your friend (who found the lucky guy) what her secret was... maybe she has a very open mind? Or maybe that's just the way they were meant to meet each other?  Either way, couples like that do give me hope. It is actually ridiculously hard to meet people organically nowadays (at least it is for me). They say 1 in 5 people find love online... true or false? Maybe I'll be a statistic?  Good luck to your friend, and thanks for the message... You're right, too... don't give up. Don't give up.... Go ahead and check out my blog, I'm open for constructive criticism. :) And looking for date #6 if  you know anyone haha. 

I think a lot of people still feel pressure to think/say that online dating is "weird" just because that's what everyone always said about it before. I don't think it's the case at all anymore. I'm have an account on okCupid that I check occasionally, and the people there seem really great! There will always be awful people on dating sites, just as there will always be awful people in bars, at book club meetings, on picnics, at the beach, etc etc... But the difference is that if you find a way to present yourself that you're totally comfortable with (I am much more comfortable with online meetings for example, because chatting gives me time to collect my thoughts and go at my own pace) then your chances of meeting someone amazing shoot through the roof because other people can sense that comfort and confidence.

Couple of my girlfriends participate in online dating. Their stories are full awkward stories. I mean, you can't make some of the stuff. Although I've never participated in online dating sites, it seems to accelerate the dating process, meeting and weeding out people. Either way, I'm all about meeting a potential lover for the very first time in natural circumstances. I think organic first impressions are the best.

I tried online dating briefly. Well, I set up a profile. But I never ended up meeting anyone from the site because I never ended up finding anyone I had much to say to.

On the other hand, I have been to three weddings this year that came about because the couples met online. And there'll be at least one more next year.

I think online dating is becoming more successful at matching people as more people are giving it a go. There's more chance of there being someone for you on an online dating site now than there was a few years ago.

I'd say that 1 in 5 figure sounds about right in terms of the people I know who've got into relationships recently.

Ha, yes! A topic close to my heart. I'm glad I can share my awesome experience, and the fact that - I found "the ONE" online, on OKCupid to be exact. This also gives me the idea that I should do a post about that at some point as others, like you, might be interested in how that came about.

I've been with my BF for a little over 2 years now. It was pretty quick and instantaneous with us, and we're currently living together. I had moved to Southern California to live with a friend and go to grad school, and since I was single, I decided to try online dating, why not, it was something to pass the time with and meet new people. My BF's profile honestly wasn't one that I was super focused on, as his pictures were a little vague, and according to him he hadn't even been super active as he has given up a few months before, but left his profile available anyways, and that's when I stumbled upon it. But I was up for just saying hi to nice guys/interesting people, and he was cute, so I did. We ended up chatting through messages and I fell in love with his writing... we met, had an epic first date, and pretty much were official by the following week. He moved in 5 months later, we'll eventually get married when we have the money. He's my Best Friend, Love of my Life, and is way different than any previous boyfriend I've ever been with (though I think it also depends if you know what you are looking for in terms of how successful you will be, which is like anything else in life). This is just my story, but having also urged a friend to go online to date and having her found her current bf, I'd say it was a pretty successful endeavor. Though I guess things to consider would be the area you live in and what website you used, and how active people are on it. OkCupid was great for where I am, but my friend who tried online dating, also tried out other websites like EHarmony and such, but didn't have the greatest luck, and ended up finding her bf on OkCupid. At least for in the Southern California area that I'm in, meeting people from OkC is similar to an online bar/coffee shop, what have you.

Overall, finding an ideal mate, online or offline is pretty much like a needle in a haystack, therefore I really like the online aspect because it allows for much greater opportunities and a greater expanse of people, especially someone special that you might not have met otherwise if leaning on the social circles that you already reside in. In short, in my opinion, you are not wasting your time but speeding up and honing in the process of finding someone who will be a good fit with you. Although things are always up to chance as for when you will meet someone nice. Could be anywhere.

I've met quite a few guys from online dating experiences, admittedly, all the way back to the days where myspace was still relevant. One of my best guy friends is someone I met and dated for a week off of there. In general, my basic dating belief is that dating is a lot about numbers, mainly for the exposure aspect, and that the more people you meet, the more likely you are to come closer and closer to someone who will "fit" with you. Similar to how we meet and click with friends, sometimes you have to meet a lot of people in order to come across the ones who work with you best.

Easiest comparison of online dating for me, is to liken it to online shopping. It sounds silly, and I don't necessarily mean it in a meat market type way, but compared to meeting someone in a random book store or bar, you are able to filter and narrow in on those with similar interests, or who at least advertise outwardly to meet certain criteria you prefer in a mate. I sold a couple of friends on trying online dating (one is living with her bf from OkCupid as well, now), and I would always say how compared to some random guy off the street, at least with online you are provided with a certain amount of information and can make somewhat make more informed judgments. (Although of course take everything with a grain of salt, but if you can navigate weirdos in real life, you should similarly be able to pick up tactics to learn how to do the same online).


Another thing that I like about the online aspect is that if people have legitimate facebook profiles and other things, then you can pretty much source out what kind of person they are. People who have nothing to hide, will be straight up online as much as they are in real life, and all the details will come together to let you know that. You can generally get a sense of how they interact and connect with others. So yeah, in my long winded way, my vote is to say that finding love online is somewhat easier than it is to hope that you'll randomly bump into the right guy on the street, and that he won't actually be a slick serial kiler. :-P

Oh also, like others have mentioned, I know of other couples who have met through various ways online, like FB forums, and such. So yes, it's becoming an increasingly great way to meet someone great that you otherwise wouldn't have in RL.


Sorry for the super long response. :-P

Hey, awesome way of putting all of this. You're right about the 'online shopping' aspect; I often refer to online dating as eBay for women - you need to sifle through all the unwanted products before you purchase the right one! It's nice to hear that people like you and your boyfriend/ relationship exist... YOU'RE the reason why I'm not boycotting all dating sites from my life... congrats! It's actually such a tough market in Toronto. I'm now thinking I should start an OKcupid account and only scope out guys from Southern California... Maybe get a green card while I'm at it? haha.

I have 46 dates left of my 52 date experience...(holy crap!) whether I find Mr. Right online, in the street, at the gym... I just hope to find him. I HATE dating. But this is an experience of a lifetime, I'm teaching myself to be open to the opportunity of meeting new people. If all this doesn't work out, I'm either going to be a contestant on the next Bachelor (Canadian edition, we have one now lol) or become a nun. Hey, follow me on Twitter @52firstdatesto


Thanks for your response! :)

Yes! You should definitely scout out American guys :) get a green card and get dual citizenship! One of my best friends is from Kingston, and she seems to enjoy the best of both worlds.Though, a word of warning about Southern California, as LA is a major hub for wannabe entertainment type ppl, which definitely seems to up the number of douche bags (there's like a gazillion men on OkC So Cal area who strive to be in "the biz").

Looking back at things from what I call "the other side of the rainbow," I kinda wish that I had taken a more laid back attitude towards dating, because whenever I relaxed and seemed to stop caring about not being single/getting a guy's attention, then my days would instantly be numbered and I'd end up in a relationship. As long as you just be yourself, stick to your standards for what you want in a mate, and don't EVER settle, then you'll find the right guy! Just like you said, it's totally like ebay... gotta sometimes sift through crap to find the awesome stuff

If I were still single, I think I'd definitely try what you're doing.  Dating can be a hassle, but also fun if it's all taken with a grain of salt and a glass of wine, without some of the more "interesting" characters, you wouldn't get such great stories. Have fun! Good luck! And I look forward to following your journey via your blog. :) Follow me back @HellaQuirky if you like (though mine's just my everyday life hum drum).

I think finding love anywhere is like finding a needle in a haystack.

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