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Have You Ever Dated Someone Who's Been in the Closet?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by little missy me on -
It happened to a friend of mine, however, it turns out he was just using it as an excuse for divorce, weird but true. I remember asking him if he was sure he really wanted to marry her and he said yes, but all the reasons were wrong.
I think the most important thing would be to make sure she knows it's not her fault. Sounds so cliche, but it's true.
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Permalink Reply by Ashley on -
So he was pretending to be gay? Yeah I've been telling her that over and over again but I think she's more caught up on the fact that he lead her to believe something for a year. But I feel bad for both of the parties, he's obviously been hiding who he is for years and she fell in love with him.
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Permalink Reply by sexless.c on -
I actually was in a fairly long relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay. We were very young at the time and were having a lot of problems. Looking back on it now, it all makes sense. At the time I felt rejected as and if he was just choosing not to be with me. I now see how unhappy he was and, in turn, how unhappy I was. I was angry and bitter for a long time but eventually recovered and we are still friends today. It's something we can laugh about now. If you can forgive, it leads to a best friend who truly does know everything about you and has loved you every way possible. I'm not saying it's easy, but she will be ok someday.
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Permalink Reply by Angie on -
I don't know all of the details here, but as I am a lesbian and my wife is a transgender lesbian (and she was truly worried about telling me when we started dating eight years ago,) I do know that many people who are gay, lesbian, transgender, etc. worry about what people will think OR they are forced to believe they can "hide" that part of themselves. So, say a gay man, will "force" himself to be straight, marry a woman, have kids with her and live a life that isn't what he truly needs.
Now, personally, I think it's silly. I don't think you should ever keep something from someone you love, especially sexual orientation. However, I can also understand where many LGBTQ folk are coming from when they do.I can see your friend would have a hard time not knowing the truth all along, and the fact that her husband lied. However, I think it's more of a trust issue - not that he's gay, more that he lied all along or didn't tell her. My wife told me she was transgender very shortly after we started dating and I loved her even more for telling me and being honest and as I myself am a (bisexual) lesbian, I didn't mind one bit. Plus I love her for her.
As with someone who has a partner that say, cheated, they have a hard time trusting in the future. Does your friend worry other gay men will lie and try to become her partner only to revel they are gay? Or does she worry about someone lying?
I would say that, as hard as it is, she does just need to move on. Someone who will be honest with her, no matter what, will come along. Or she'll go out and find him!
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Permalink Reply by Jay the Jedi on -
Well, he wasn't my actual boyfriend but my first kiss was with a guy who I recently found out is bi. He didn't admit it at the time, but I knew he dressed way too nicely to be completely straight.
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on -
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my ex came out as being bisexual in the next few years. there are just little things that I look back on and question these days. things he'd say, do, etc. I'm happy for him if he does/is. If not, that's cool too. it's not the reason we broke up.
Honestly, I don't think she's upset that he's gay- i think she's upset because he lied to her all this time. I've uncovered a lot of lies since my ex and I split and what hurts me isn't even that he lied- it's that he didn't value me enough to tell me the truth. Really, the best thing to do is just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, put all of it behind you and surround yourself with the best friends you could ever ask for. I don't know what I'd do without my friends.
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Permalink Reply by little on -
i never have. but i do have a friend who repeatedly dates guys that end up coming out of the closet. from watching her, it's a hard one to get over because they didn't do anything that would warrant a break up.
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Permalink Reply by lalalalauren on -
Once I dated a guy who never wanted to touch me. At first I just thought he was shy, but after several awkward attempts to seduce him, I realized he just didn't care. He did, however, care about constantly ditching me for the company of his male roommates. It always seemed fishy.
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Permalink Reply by Angie on
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Reading about this is sad, in my opinion. For both parties. The gay guy who feels he must hide himself by dating ladies as a ploy and the ladies who have no idea and end up being hurt. Hopefully over the years, more and more people will come out of the closet and date the right - for them - gender!
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