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How do you deal with being/getting divorced at 24?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by K. E. Argonza on -
I was divorced at 21. You might want to be more specific. Divorces are different. I left my spouse after he got another girl pregnant and fudged up by not putting me on his last will and testament or his life insurance before he deployed to Iraq. Not exactly a lot of love loss or heart break there. Just a whole ton of hatred.
Put those things together, it was incredibly easy to divorce him...
I take it back, it was harder to divorce him than to wish he was dead - the paperwork would have been easier. C'est la vie.
My issue is the amount of Legal Exposure having been married now causes me.
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Permalink Reply by Emily on
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No i was and still am very in love with my ex! We have been together for nearly 4 years and were about to get re married. ( we were married at a registry office)
in dec we booked venues, i bought my dress...even tattooed a little heart on my wedding finger for him! But when we arrived back from our holiday in dec i found out he had been cheating with one of my bridesmaids and 2 other girls, one of which he introduced me too.
It was heart breaking and has been very hard to deal with, as how do you let go and except its over when you were so happy and in love just weeks before!
So our two stories are completely different but have the same outcome...men are bastards at times!
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Permalink Reply by K. E. Argonza on
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Men aren't bastards. That specific person was.
And honestly, why would you be in love with a liar? Not to be cruel, but once you wrap your mind around the fact that the great time you had with him was a complete lie and betrayal, the easier it is to look them in the eye and feel nothing.
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on -
too true. I think the fact that my XH had been so much of a liar made it so easy for me to leave. How can you love something that isn't real? If it's not real, it doesn't mean anything.
I got over it by partying my ass off for 3 months straight- literally. I went out almost every night, i danced, i flirted, i got drunk, i had a great time. I did everything I wanted to do that I couldn't when we were together because he looked down on my behaviour constantly- I wasn't supposed to have fun like that, i was supposed to enjoy cleaning, doing laundry and making dinner for his friends that he wanted to have over whenever. God forbid i might have a personality and my own interests. It really was an awesome time and I miss feeling that high all the time- but at some point you have to come crashing back down to earth and learn how to live again.
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Permalink Reply by K. E. Argonza on
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I definitely had the partying for several months "rebound" purge-the-ex-away thing too.
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I struggle to be angry at people and forgiving is something i do all the time! I do know however that this time is not forgivable but its finding the strngth to walk away that i struggle with!
As i still dont hate him...
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Permalink Reply by Shelly on -
I'm sorry, I'm confused. You've married him once already? Why didn't it work out the first time?
Other than that, I'm not sure how to deal. I guess just take it day by day. Maybe once your divorce is finalized, you'll feel closure.
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Permalink Reply by Andres Rio on -
I was thinking they were going to renew their vows.
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Permalink Reply by Shelly on
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ohhhhh...Okay.
I was going to say, you can't get married when you're already married. That's just silly talk.
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As we were married in a registry office we didnt have a big celebration and i didnt get to wear the white dress!
So we were planning to do it all again! A wedding is something very important!
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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my divorce gets finalized on the 25th. finally. it's only been 16 months of stupid paperwork and waiting.
honestly, i've just been more angry than anything else. it was pretty easy to leave. I didn't even want to marry him in the first place- but i went through with it because i didn't want to disappoint everyone and it had been a sort of comfortable situation. but it wasn't what i wanted and it wasn't right for me- i just wanted to prove that i could be as successful as my sister had been (she'd married up. way up.) and he wanted arm candy that could look after his every whim and desire. When you're walking down the aisle with bruises on your sternum to face the most disgusting boy you've ever known, it doesn't particularly fill you with excitement to marry him for anything other than financial security... and even less so when you find out that everything you thought you knew about him was nothing more than lies- and his mother encouraged it! The entire time we were on our honeymoon i kept telling people we were just on vacation- i didn't want people to know we were on our honeymoon because I was ashamed of him. I left him 2 months later. I've been very happily dating my best friend/man of honour since the day i left. fate had other plans for me. I had to go through it all to learn to appreciate the things in my life that are genuine and to realise that not everything is always what it seems. It doesn't bother me that I'm already divorced at 25. I find it ironic. I was the kid that was never going to get married. I was the kid that was never going to have the white picket fence and the kids playing in the backyard. And I've been engaged, married and divorced and talking about a second engagement before most of my friends have even considered being married the first time. But it helped me decide what I wanted to base my career on- I'm currently taking a course in event planning & coordination and I intend to start my own event company specialising in offbeat weddings and parties (think steampunk, goth etc. themed) as well as a second side project that'll be more of a booking agency and promotions company for local underground interests. (aerial acrobatics, burlesque, hoop & fire dancers etc.)
When I think back on how much of an ass my XH was, I get so mad... I've broken down in tears for days on end because of how angry he makes me- the injustice of it all. The fact that I'm the one who suffered because he couldn't be a reasonable, civil, upstanding man and yet he still managed to walk away with the best of everything. The fact that no matter what, he'll always get his way because everyone's too scared to stand up to him. The fact that i seem to be seen as the bad person for leaving to make myself happy instead of staying and trying to make it work making myself miserable (when in fact I'd been trying to make it work for years before the wedding and he refused to admit there were problems... and that the only problems occurred when he didn't get what he wanted.) The fact that he can't admit to anyone that the reason I left was because of him- because of his lies, his debt that he refused to acknowledge, his temper, his abuse... and would rather tell everyone that I ran off with our best friend which isn't how it was at all. Honestly, most days, I just wish he was dead. I'm sick of constantly cleaning up the mess he's caused. He's a waste of space and oxygen who shouldn't be inflicted on anyone else. He should be forced to live a life of purgatory.
I'm honestly not trying to be horrible, but I don't understand how anyone can have a "kind" divorce. It doesn't happen. Divorces are nasty, vicious, painful and everyone gets hurt somehow. It's an emotional rollercoaster but not once have I ever felt like i wanted to be Nice to him. I wanted him to hurt the way I did. I wanted him to feel the worst pain in the world. I've felt sorry for him at times- but i NEVER want to cross paths with him again. Ever.
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