How good are you at 'small talk'?

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Permalink Reply by Kanriah on October 4, 2009 at 7:13pm

I am not so great at small talk myself. I am more likely just to smile and say nothing if I have nothing to say. That doesn't mean I'm not interested in what You have to say (though sometimes, it does) it just means I am having a hard time finding any common ground. When I'm at work, that's a different matter. I work at a video rental store, so it's easy enough to chat about the movie they jsut returned or are renting. If they are receptive that is, since we also get many blank stares. For me, it seems like real life outside of work.... not happening. If I try, i tend to get one word answers that I can't expand on. Or more blank stares, like people wonder why I am actually trying to extend the exchange. It's annoying.

My husband on the other hand... he can chat with anyone on anything ti seems like. He will either charm you or make you hate him, depending on his judgement of you. Random strangers he always charms if he bothers to talk to them. People I will continually come into contact with... it's about 50/50. He's like the guy who can sell ice to eskimos.

I don't get it really, but I suppose I'll just stumble on.

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Permalink Reply by Amy --- Just A Titch on October 4, 2009 at 7:36pm

I'm not the best, nor am I the worst. I think the best tip is to ask good questions---and then pay attention. If you can find something to connect with them over, that usually leads the way. Also, if you must, ask how they know the host/hostess, why they came to the event, etc. One of the best questions I've ever had asked of me was, "What is the best thing that's happened to you this week?"

Last but not least: be self-deprecating. Tell a funny story, admit that small talk isn't your deal and somehow let people know that you're nervous. Fact is that they probably are, too :)

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Permalink Reply by Jennie White on October 5, 2009 at 1:28am

Amy, I totally agree with everything you said, especially the point about the questions. Look everyone likes to talk about themselves, so if a small talk opportunity arises, just ask questions! I would say avoid yes or no questions, those just lead you to a dead end and things can get awkward quickly. 2nd make sure you listen to their answers and then ask more questions about their answer. It's a cop out if you ask someone a question and then don't respond to it. Third, my rule of thumb is keep the conversation 90% about them and 10% about you. If you get to know each other further, then you can start talking about yourself.

Amy also made the point about being self-deprecating. Humor is the universal language. When someone makes me laugh, they gain like 45,000 points in my book!

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Permalink Reply by Chatterbox on October 5, 2009 at 5:29am

Good points Amy :)

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Permalink Reply by Writing to Reach You on October 4, 2009 at 10:22pm

No, I'm not. The conversation often devolves into someone just asking me questions and me answering. I try to keep up my end of the conversation, but I often fail.

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Permalink Reply by Linda on October 4, 2009 at 10:29pm

In general, I'm alright. It really depends on the person and the topic. I can hook on to something that interests me pretty well and then it turns into more than small talk.

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Permalink Reply by L.L. on October 4, 2009 at 11:42pm

I'm awesome at small talk. Remember how your parents taught you never to talk to strangers? Yeah, I never listened, and that's how I learned to do it.

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Permalink Reply by Phyllis on October 5, 2009 at 1:46pm

Like a few other people have said, once I get comfortable I'm pretty good with the small talk. It's getting past that hump that helps. I will talk to anyone who talks to me first - but I'm not good at starting the conversation. Also, and this may be just me, but I've noticed it also depends on which friends I'm with.

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Permalink Reply by Mr. Apron on October 5, 2009 at 3:08pm

Small talk?

Terrible.

That's why I blog.

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Permalink Reply by Chatterbox on October 5, 2009 at 11:08pm

I totally agree with you Katie :)

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Permalink Reply by dmb5_libra on October 5, 2009 at 11:35pm

i wan't the best, but i found that forcing myself to engage in small talk in elevators, on the metro, etc helped me improve the skill a lot. but really, when it comes down to it, it depends on my mood.

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