And does your significant other know about your blog?
My blog is very open. I use my real name and it is linked to my personal Twitter account. The guy I'm currently dating has been reading Pink Nightmare since before I was even interested in him in that way.
After we'd been together for a few weeks, I wondered if I should mention something about it on my blog. And should I use his real name? He jokingly asked me if I was going to blog about him, but I didn't know if he really WANTED me to, you know? I ended up making a post about what he got me for my birthday and I did use his real name. He was cool with it, but before I did it I didn't know how much was actually appropriate to share.
How do you guys decide how much to share about your personal relationships? And does your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse read your blog? I'm curious about how others operate in these kinds of situations.
(also, wasn't sure to post this here or in the dating forum, but since it was directly relating to blog writing I went with this option)
I allude to my relationship more than anything else. I'll mention by boyfriend from time to time by his first initial, but I don't ever really talk about him or "us." Even though he knows about my blog and reads it from time to time, I don't think writing about him or our relationship in such an exposed (and permanent! ~the internet is forever~) setting is fair to him. It's not like he's ever asked me to talk about him online, or to publicly share aspects of him/us that he might feel very strongly about keeping private. I stick with simply mentioning him when it's relevant and leaving it at that.
Before I re-started my blog, I talked A LOT about my ex (both when we were still dating, and after the break up) because when there were bad times, it was nice to rant. No one offline knew about my blog, and he didn't, so I figured there was no harm. It was nice to hear other stories that my friends couldn't necessarily relate to. BUT, I also noticed that I was sharing a lot more bad than good (though lets be real here, by the end the entire relationship was more bad than good and I try way too hard to tell myself it wasn't) and I think made other people worry for my happiness/mental health.
So, I think it's okay to a point. In a way, it's just like sharing with your friends. I guess don't write anything you WOULDN'T want him (or your mom) to read about? I find it's better to talk about the good things and not dwell on the bad. That way, when you look back on old posts you'll be able to remember good parts... not just want to cry because you realize you put up with way too much for way too long.
I agree with this. When I started my blog, I was still a little bent out of shape about my ex, so I sometimes talked about him (without mentioning his name, though) in a negative light. I don't think I'd ever mention any serious problems I was having in a relationship now, but at the time it was nice to rant. But it's important to remember that a blog is not a diary, and people can read this stuff!
I think it all depends on who you are and who you're dating. Since my boyfriend is also essentially my best friend right now, he's a regular character in stories on my blog. That being said, I make a conscious effort not to write about anything I wouldn't either say to his face or care if he read. I also don't write about fights we have or go into detail about our sex life out of respect for him and our relationship. Sometimes, if something really funny happens and I'm not sure if it's appropriate to share with the public, I'll even ask him if it's okay to put it in my blog. He's really laid back and always says "yes," but I just don't want over-share and make him feel uncomfortable.
Of course, he doesn't actually read my blog. He knows it exists but doesn't know how to get to it and isn't web savvy enough to find it. He recognizes that I don't really like people in real life reading it and he hasn't pressed me for the url. I've told him he can read it eventually, but he doesn't seem to worried about it. Not all boys I've dated have been this laid back. The last guy I dated kept up on my blog and would get upset over the silliest things. It was exhausting and sort of sucked the joy out of blogging.
I get personal on my blog in a lot of ways, but not in detail when it comes to my relationship. My boyfriend makes regular appearances on my blog because, hey! He's my boyfriend of four years, and we do a lot of stuff together. I call him by his first name and mention him when it's fitting. But I refrain from constantly talking about us or posting lovey pictures, because that's just not my style. He's awesome, but I don't feel the need to brag about it, because I don't think that's particularly interesting to anyone who doesn't know us personally. I follow some bloggers who do this, and after awhile, it gets kind of boring. Like, I get it. You're in love. What are your other interests?
But my boyfriend definitely knows about my blog. When I was just starting out with it, our relationship was pretty new, too, so I was shy about sharing it at first. It came about naturally after awhile. Whatever feels comfortable and not forced for you is probably a good bet.
As a reader of your blog, I think you maintain a nice balance. Like, I know that you have a boyfriend, his name, and what he does, but I don't feel like I'm going on dates with you guys. And I think that's nice. I definitely agree that some people talk about that stuff too much!
I wrote about my most recent relationship both as it was happening and after it ended, but I did ask my ex about it before going ahead and before using his real name. My rule of thumb is to only share things I would be comfortable having everyone I know read if they should somehow come across my blog. So basically, things I might share in conversation anyway.
My boyfriend knows about my blog, although I doubt he reads it. I don't get crazy personal on my blog, but when I mention him, I just call him "the beau". Although my recent tweets show up on the side of my page and they do include his name on occasion, so it's not as if it's a secret. We've been together for over five years, so anything I say on the blog I've probably mentioned to him already!
I don't ever include his picture, though. I actually don't post pictures with anyone's face except for my own. I'm sure it's not a big deal, but I don't feel like asking permission, and I don't think I should post pictures of my friends without asking permission first. So usually my photos are of books, scenery, or occasionally have me in them.
I dont think my husband ever checks out my Blog, but he is supportive of my writing and doesn't mind me writing about our relationship. He is featured in a lot of my posts because we live together and he's been a huge part of my life for years. It would be hard to NOT mention him, if you know what I mean.
As for details - I don't go into much detail, certainly nothing that would put his/our identity at risk. I don't share anything that could embarrass him or us as a couple. Obviously we're a normal couple that get on each others nerves, but I don't write that stuff... I don't want to look back at my posts and be like, what the hell was I thinking writing that?
He is the root of a lot of my happiness, so I gush about him from time to time... But, he isn't my only Blogging topic.
I don't talk about it at all. I went through a time ( a pretty bad one) where most of my posts were directed toward someone else and I look over them now and I am angry that I let that happen. I vowed to never let that happen. I am for the most part an open book on my blog. I am an essayist, of the personal lot so I am basically writing all the cold hard facts about myself all the time, so I have no problem with that. When it comes to my relationship though, it doesn't get mentioned. I find that people usually talk about their relationships if something bad is happening or they are taking a big step, i have none of those to report so there is not much need. Also, if something sad or bad should happen I don't need to put it on the blog, at least that is how I feel now. Also, there are a lot of people with access to my blog that I don't want to know about good things in my life. I know they wouldn't be happy for me, so I don't want to give them any reason to talk.
This is essentially my opinion on writing about my relationships in my blogs. I made that mistake once, I won't do it again.
I ended up chronicling the entire progression of my last relationship from the very beginning until the break up. Now, when I originally started writing what became The Saga of Office Boy, I NEVER thought that we were going to end up together. And then, of course, by the time I realized that we were actually gonna date, my entire following was far too invested in the story for me to just be like, "Nope. Not writing about this anymore."
When we became official, I told him about the blog and reading the posts about him were one of his favorite things to do. And he read the rest of my blog, too, and when I would get busy and not post as much, he'd ask me why I wasn't writing, which was encouraging. I never used his real name or posted pictures or anything like that, partially to protect his privacy and also because we worked together.
Since that relationship has ended, I've already made the decision that my next relationship is staying off the blog for a good long while. To be honest, I might not even write about my relationships at all until I get engaged, which could be the next guy or three or four guys down the line. We'll see. In the end, I would've have written about my relationship with Office Boy if I had had any inkling that it was actually going to turn into a relationship and I intend to keep a lot more privacy in the developing stages of any future relationships, both for my sake and his.