The Bloggers With The Most To Say
I Want To Hear Your "Coming Out" Stories!
Have you ever had to "come out" about something that you were afraid would be met with disapproval? This could mean everything from announcing you are gay to letting your parents know you want to live with your boyfriend even though it goes against their belief system. Or maybe you had to tell people about an unplanned pregnancy, or tell your racist grandmother you're dating a black guy. Whatever the case, I want to hear your stories. I want to know what approach you took, how long you waited to break the news, what sort of reaction you expected, and what reaction you actually got.
Just curious...
Tags: coming, out, relationships, secrets
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jay the Jedi on -
Mine would be telling my overprotective and prone-to-worry parents about how I'm dating a guy who is 7 years older than me, who I met online, through Craigslist. I was a chicken and told my mom through email and she was actually just really happy that I finally had a boyfriend. It went much much better than expected. And then my boyfriend and I went back to my hometown for a family reunion and my parents adored him (even though my dad doesn't admit it but I can tell) . So yay! Oh yeah, and I waited until right before the family reunion to tell them, which was about 2 months after we met, because as I mentioned earlier I am a chicken.
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Permalink Reply by Alicia on -
Mine is similar to Jay's. I met my husband, then just a guy, online and went to live with him a couple months after I met him. I was a chicken and left a note in my room for my mother to find. I told her not to bother contacting me because I wasn't up for discussing why I'd chosen to move in with him. My home life was horrible and my reasons for moving out, and in with him, weren't solely because I liked him. I was tired of being called fat and lazy by my step-father and having no support from my mother when I told her I was tired of the treatment. It came to a point that she told me that she'd choose him over me if it came right down to it. Funny thing is, they got divorced (which would have been their 4th divorce) not long after I moved in with my husband.
Anyway, I was expecting the reaction that I got. When I finally contacted my mother, a month after I moved, she asked me all kinds of questions about him and why I'd done what I'd done and I, being the chicken I am, refused to talk about it. It wasn't until nearly 6 months later that I agreed to come and see her, with the man in tow.
We haven't really gotten over our feud but we pretend everything is OK. That's my family dynamic though. Everyone hates each other but hey, as long as we pretend, everything will be peachy-keen.
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Permalink Reply by Angie on -
I have a few!
Back when I was 15 or so, I told my mother I was a bisexual lesbian (I like both men and women, but strongly prefer women) and that my girlfriend (now wife) was (is) transgender MTF. I told her this in letter form, as I hate confrontation. She figured we were both going through a phase, but once she realized we weren't, she was incredibly sweet and didn't care one bit (well, she cared ABOUT US... She just didn't see us as any "different", except she was gaining a daughter-in-law with Jen!)
Than in 2010, after Jen and I had been married for three years, I told our sisters (on my side.) They both accepted myself, and Jen, with lots of love and even started addressing Jen as Jen, as their sister, sent her cute girly stuff, etc. <3 So very thankful for that.
We told our friend from an old job and after going a while thinking we were pranking him, he realized we were being truthful and said he didn't care, we're cool and he would still be our friend and he's proven to be very supportive.Jen's parents think we're both in a "phase" and her mom won't fully acknowledge Jen is transgender. She's thrown many a bitch fit whenever I try to reasonable talk to her about transgenderism and she wouldn't even comment on my transgender post series on my blog. She does love Jen and I, but she has a lot of inner issues with us being bisexual and with Jen being transgender, many of which she hasn't voiced. She's known for years and she's s-l-o-w-y accepting us for who we are. (Depending on the day...)
As for everyone else... I don't talk to my dad or my older brother, so I have no clue what they think. As for friends, they've all been incredibly supportive. We're lucky, we really are.
As for Wicca, when I told my family they - again - thought I was going through a phase or wanted to be a Charmed one or some shit... Once they found out that I actually AM Wiccan, they weren't upset. I think they still see my religion as a bit of a joke, which is super annoying but meh - what can you do? When Jen told her mom, she freaked the heck out and thought Jen was a Satanist and all of the other crap that goes on when people hear you're a witch. Luckily she came around and while she's still Christian-y, she's actually very much into new age stuff.
I think those are all of my coming out stories. :P Haha.
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Permalink Reply by Gina on -
I just told my husband tonight that I've been working on a novel. I've never kept a secret before, not like this. It was harder than I expected, honestly. He was super supportive, and he understood why I kept it to myself for so long, and wasn't the least bit upset about the "dishonesty" at all.
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Permalink Reply by lalalalauren on -
I definitely tried to write a novel once and told no one. I just disappeared for several weeks and everyone was like, "What is she doing in her room all of the time? Huh." How long did you keep your novel a secret?
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Permalink Reply by Gina on
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I wrote after the kids were in bed while my husband was at school or work. This is part of why I had to "come out." I am now at the point where I need betas and am really networking, getting ready to submit this summer, and I don't want to be sneaking around with it. While it was a hobby/way to keep myself busy during those nighttime hours, it wasn't a big deal. But now? I'd have to be deleting emails and taking secret phone calls, or find a way to leave town for a couple days for a conference... No. I'm not interested in that kind of sneaking or dishonesty, so it was time to come clean.
He's the perfect level of supportive, too. He cares and wants me to keep going and thinks I can accomplish this, but he isn't pressuring me to read it or poking into my critique group or anything. :)
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Permalink Reply by Katie on -
This isn't the same level, but a friend's fiance is on Twitter where he tweets as a writer who's been dead for over a hundred years and has a fairly large following. They were about six months into their relationship before he told her that he was a minor Twitter celebrity. I just thought it was hilarious that he didn't tell her for so long.
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Permalink Reply by Gina on
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That's super funny. I can see why he didn't though. People think when you mention stuff like that, that you're trying to be all braggy about it. I have a friend of a friend (she is also sister of a different friend friend) who is a SUPER famous author (trust me, you would know her name), and she NEVER brings it up, tries to avoid using her last name whenever possible. Again, different level, but I can see why he would want to not make a big deal out of it. It sounds douchey to introduce oneself by saying, "Yeah. I'm John. I'm sure you've heard of me." even if it's totally true :)
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Permalink Reply by Gina on
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I *just* realized you asked "how LONG..." not "how did you..."
About six months. It's still a secret from everyone NOT living in my house.
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Permalink Reply by Katie on
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Telling my mother that I was in therapy.
I actually think my dad might have already told her before I did, and she didn't have much of a reaction. However, she sent me a really hurtful email when she saw that I had blogged about being in therapy, and we didn't speak for three months.
It also took me forever to tell my parents that I do online dating, but I think after awhile the concept became mainstream enough that they don't think it's so weird.
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Permalink Reply by Fire Fairy on -
Telling my parents that I had fallen in love with a friend (who is now my husband) who had loved me for 5 years already. The guy who I had declared it would never happen with, who I only ever liked as a friend etc. Although we'd been good friends for years we'd hit some rough patches when I hadn't shared his feelings and my parents were very protective as a result. Also my mum had different ideas about the type of man I should be with - someone older, in a more stable career, Prince Charming etc. I'd developed feelings for him a month or so before stuff happened between us. Then once we were together we kept our relationship a secret for a month from our closest friends and our families because we were scared of everyone's reactions.
I told my mum in the car when she was driving us somewhere for lunch because I knew she couldn't storm off. In retrospect, I'm glad she didn't crash, she was so shocked! She kept saying, "No, I am sure this isn't right for you. This isn't how it's meant to happen."
My husband and I had stressed about telling each important person in our lives, because they all knew what we had put each other through over the years. I was scared people would think I was desperate and had just finally given in. Our getting together was so crazy that if it hadn't happened to me I wouldn't believe it. However, our friends reacted really well - some were over the moon, others were "about time!", and others were, "well, I didn't see that coming, but I'm glad that it's worked out like this!" Everyone was happy for us, except for my parents who took a couple of months to accept it begrudgingly, and then a few more months to realise that he was indeed the right man for me, and that he was actually very likeable!
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Permalink Reply by Remy on -
I came out as a lesbian to my friends at 18, didn't bother them in the slightest. I came out later (at 20) to my Mum and Dad. While my Mum is more vocal about supporting me and such, my Dad's pretty silent on the whole ordeal like I don't know what he thinks about me being gay when he comes from a family of 'bible humpers'. I guess he's okay with it because I haven't been tossed out on the street and he hasn't sad anything negative about gay people so I'll take that as a positive. :) For both I expected to be treated differently, have me being gay have a negative impact, but I'm glad it hasn't.
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