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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:
If you had a relationship with someone and everything was all good EXCEPT the sex would you stick around??
I'm just wondering; I recently ended a relationship with a guy that in the words of R. Kelly had: the greatest sex (omgoodness ifeel a blog coming on). BUT that's all that was good between us. I am a conversationalist so because of that I got bored with what we were doing because we didn't connect on any intellectual level. No, we didn't have to be sitting around talking about Shakespeare or astronomy, but my goodness let's talk about SOMETHING. NOW I've reconnected with someone that's nowhere near as good in the sheets as the former but I absolutely love him to pieces and talk to that man about anything! I am truly a sucker for personality.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Erini CS on -
Moved this to the appropriate forum category. Please be aware of where you are posting your threads!
Jamie's written a great post on this: http://www.20sb.net/forum/topics/please-read-before-posting
Thanks!
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Permalink Reply by Brandi Reynolds on -
My bad:( I didn't even pay attention to that dropbox...now I know!
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Permalink Reply by Minsmyname on -
It depends on how good the connection is and really how bad sex is. If he has potential and he's open to letting you take the lead, then the sex can only get better! So long as you have the patience and a vibrator, why wouldn't you stick around for the ride? :D
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Permalink Reply by Brandi Reynolds on
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Grrreat advice! I was just talking to my best friend about it and that's what I was telling her; I really think I'm going to give being the aggressor a try. It'll be new for me though because I'm used to being pleased even if I don't put forth much effort lol. I can't put it all on him though because I definitely could be doing more. We started off as friends and talk about everything so I'm going to talk to him about this. I feel that he truly wants to me please me sexually, so what the hay....I'll give it a try! Thanks for responding!
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Permalink Reply by Debbie on -
While your sexing, tell him how you want it. It's a better alternative to talking about it out of the sheets (you don't want to hurt his ego). He won't take offense and will probably love the dirty talk, and the control you have. Though it should almost definitely get better and sexier under the sheets the more it happens! He will understand your body a lot more, and you his. That's why I say, sex with someone new is like being in a totally different world. You need to explore, and experiment to know what you're comfortable with. You could also try a sex therapist if things don't improve after a while? Don't settle for mediocre, he wouldn't want you to either, so be honest with him and do it while you're sexercising. He'll love you for it. Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Brandi Reynolds on
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LOL I am totally with everything you just said!! Wow!! Ugh I'm stuck because talking dirty has NEVER been my forte and I was just telling someone that I definitely don't want to crush his ego. I wonder if it's time for ME to RISE to the occassion. I'm 28 years old; OLD ENOUGH to be able to tell a man how I need to be pleased sexually. I actually think talking while sexercising is going to be quite interesting! I definitely agree with your comment about "new" sex. I am sooooo funny acting about sex. I never give my all in the beginning so I know I'm at fault too but the same way I learn a person's character is the same way I am about sex. With that being said I'm definitely open and feel a great level of comfort around him so I think I'll give the dirty talk a try lol. Thanks for the advice!!
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on -
I'm definitely a full package type- i need the intellect and conversation to be attracted to someone in the first place, and they need to be just as good in the bedroom otherwise I get bored easily. I've tried the extremes of both, and I was definitely left unsatisfied most of the time. However, as much as a great personality can be a wonderful partner- I find I have a tendency to go for those who are great in bed for short term things. after all, i can get my dose of intellect from hanging out with my friends. lol. And those who tend to be more of conversationalists, have become great friends when it's all over.
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Permalink Reply by Brandi Reynolds on
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Wow! I understand your view too; I'm all over the place with this. I really enjoy our friendship and don't want to wreck it but then I think about the dude that I cut off because I eventually got bored with just having sex...good sex...grrrrrreat sex...but just sex. I wonder if I'm at a point where I enjoy companionship more than a physical connect...goodness I sound 50...or maybe that's just how I feel at the moment and then soon I'll become tired of him too because of what lacks in the bedroom. I have gotten some great advice early this morning so I have some things to try before I can truly know what I'm doing with myself. THANKS SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING!
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Permalink Reply by Chase on -
I may be out of my league here, but allow me to pipe in.
It's sad to me when relationships become only about one thing (namely, sex). Our culture has twisted it to seem this way, and too often we get sucked into the lies. Brandi, I applaud you for going against culture and breaking up with "the Great Sex" and finding a guy who can pique your interest in other ways.
Let's break it down to statistics.
Even in a very "healthy" sexual relationship (I use the term loosely there), what is the percentage of time spent with one another in conversation/activities/with friends and family/otherwise living, versus the time spent in the sheets doin the dirty? If you put the whole of your relationship into something you only spend 10% of your time doing (a VERY high number, I'm being generous) ... It's no wonder you're unhappy!!
Life isn't about sex, and neither is relationships. Brandi, you're wise to find a guy who fulfills you in all aspects of your life...not just bedtime.
/endrant (:
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Permalink Reply by Brandi Reynolds on
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Thank you thank you thank you...out of your league?? NO! I definitely wanted to hear from The Men. My brain is soooo sleepy right now...I wanna say more...I'm going to say more.
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Permalink Reply by Brandi Reynolds on
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Ok back to you lol!! Thanks so much for responding. I definitley wanted to hear from a MAN lol! It's crazy because I promise it seems as though he peeked at the discussion i started; the next time I saw him we had an interesting meeting in the bedroom because he was adiment about pleasing me. We still have a long way to go though. Your "statistic" info makes sooooo much sense because they are so many other factors that have to be considered when having a relationship with someone.
I'm willing to open up more sexually now; I was nervous about the girth but I think he has passed the test lol. I think it's safe to say that his "excitement" depends on MY interaction greatly. I'm so used to young men that are concerned with their climax only so I'm about to have fun with my Friend lol!
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Permalink Reply by David Stehle on -
Sex is an important part in any healthy relationship - just like good chemistry, conversation, etc is as well. And depending on your sex drive level, you may rank sex higher than most in terms of importance in a relationship. For me, I have a high sex drive. So bad sex would be a problem. And I hate to admit, most likely a deal breaker.
Of course how bad are we talking here? Maybe you could "train" him? Coach him, help him, fix him? I don't know, but if you really, REALLY like the guy...I say try to work with him in the bedroom. If results aren't seen, put him in the Friend Zone and find a boy that can rock your world!
You're too young and life is too short to settle for a lackluster sex life. But that's just my opinion.
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