The Bloggers With The Most To Say
Interracial relationships
I manage a website where people anonymously submit their deepest and darkest secrets. Some are funny, some are sad, some are disturbing, and some are crazy!
I got this one in last night...
Anonymous - Female From Georgia:
"I'm a black woman. I hate seeing black men -no matter if they're successful, poor, old, young, intelligent, or not- with white women. I try not to feel this way because some of my best girlfriends are white, but I can't help it."
It provoked quite a conversation between my boyfriend and I. Just wondering what everyone else's opinion was.
I got this one in last night...
Anonymous - Female From Georgia:
"I'm a black woman. I hate seeing black men -no matter if they're successful, poor, old, young, intelligent, or not- with white women. I try not to feel this way because some of my best girlfriends are white, but I can't help it."
It provoked quite a conversation between my boyfriend and I. Just wondering what everyone else's opinion was.
Tags: interracial, relationships
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jillzaa on -
There is a topic on interracial relationship..that I started a few weeks ago here... Maybe this can help you out. But to answer your question... I personally think that she has racist tendecies towards that race. It could be the way she was raised. What learned or what she believes.. but i personally believes that there is no logic behind what she stated...All she said is that she hated seeing a black guy with a white women...but doesn't know why..how can you hate something have no clue as to the reason why?
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Permalink Reply by David Jackson on -
Hi Jill...
According to many social scientists' definition of racism (and subsequently racist) it's pretty unlikely that she has racist tendencies because racism is the connection of prejudice and power. And quite honestly the power in this country is still white.
I think though that this young lady isn't as lost as one would assume, nor does she lack the logic but rather that she isn't able to fully communicate her logic in a way that others would understand where she's coming from. I sometimes suffer from the same thing when I see white guys with black women. Here's what I experience and I've heard others (guys and girls) express:
Taking all the good ones. A black man willing to commit, has a good job, STD-free, Kid-free (i'm not kid free lol) is hard to find. To see one with a white woman for many black women, is discouraging and angering. Considering the statistical data that points to the reality of a good black man's scarcity (incarceration rates, homosexuality among other things) I see how this comes about.
They'll never truly understand our struggle. I know it sounds ignorant, but seriously there are things that I experience as a black man that many other races (but especially white) can't understand. One can give an honest effort, but at the end of the day if you haven't experienced the chicken or the egg racist situations it's hard to understand or relate. Chicken or the egg racist situations are those situations that you wonder am I getting this treatment because this person is truly a dirtbag idiot or is it because I'm black? Do i get the airport patdown because of my macbook? or because I'm black? (that one I'm sure that Middle Eastern/Arabic folks can relate to.) It's those situations where you wonder if your race precedes you and so you get prejudged, thereby leading to unfavorable experiences or was it just someone who's energy is so off that they treat almost everyone like trash. This kind of wonderment can make a person crazy!! lol.
I know this is some heavy stuff but it's some people's perspective. Sometimes to their detriment or others' but I try not to discredit the validity of someone's feelings, as long as it's not pure ignorance...
PSA: I'm not anti-interracial dating. I'm in a relationship with a Costa Rican woman, and I'm an African American. But courageously I admit that there are times when I see relationships (namely black women and white men) and I get to wondering, but the wonder is more negative than positive...
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Permalink Reply by Holly Renee on -
David, I am going to respectfully disagree with some of what you wrote. I think your feelings on the subject are totally valid, I just don't view it similarly and would like to put part of my perspective out there.
While there are many different definitions for racism, I think the most basic could be, "Prejudice or discrimination based upon race." I think someone can always find a definition or wording that will state their case. It seems like your definition insinuates that only white people in this country can be racist (because you believe they hold the power). Although I have heard this argument before, I simply (respectfully) disagree with your take on this. It's separating and dangerous to claim that one race is exempt from treating another race differently for any reason.
Don't get me wrong, I feel for anyone who has experienced inferior treatment for any reason, especially a characteristic they can't control. As a woman I have been treated as if I was less because of my sex. This does not mean that it is appropriate for me to treat men (or other women) poorly because of their sex. I truly believe prejudice goes both ways, regardless of minority status.
There is so much more I would like to say here but I will end this for now by saying that I highly respect your opinion and understand that I will never experience many of the same things as you. I can only earnestly try to grasp some of what you, or anyone else, has gone through. That is why I think it is important to connect with people from all races, genders, religions, and abilities. When any of us feels like we can judge another whom we don't know, it causes pain. I hold out hope that one day all of us can see past physical appearance, and any other characteristic, towards the deeper human and spiritual beings we all are.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffani D. on -
Actually Holly, David is right. The correct 'political' definition of racism includes the 'race' that is in power, and we all know that African Americans are not in the majority of the power, even with an African American president. Look at those who represent the country, besides him and you will have an answer. Those representatives are a snapshot of the whole. (no hostility or bad feelings, just plain simple facts, I promise). Prejudice is the term for someone who is not in the majority of the power who has unjust hostility for another group. Both suck ass, in my opinion. Just thought I'd throw in my two cents.
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Permalink Reply by Holly Renee on
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Tiffini, I appreciate your opinion. I am going to respectfully disagree with you. There are many definitions for both terms. While I agree with David that racism has more of a specific definition in many cases, I do not think the same of the word prejudice. David writes below, "it's what separates racism from plain old bigotry and prejudice." This I can agree with more easily. I do believe there is a difference between prejudice and racism. I also know this is a sensitive topic and so I understand why there is so many different viewpoints in this discussion.
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Permalink Reply by Carina the Blogarina on -
I just wanted to say that I agreed with everything you said here and I thought it was written really well. I particularly liked when you make it clear that being racist is not a white prerogative. It is like you said, a dangerous idea.
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Permalink Reply by Jillzaa on
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Hi, David...
Thanks for your opinion but I must disagree with you.. Although I can agree with some of the things you have mentioned such as "certain experiences becuase of your race" I refuse to let that defined who I am in a relationship with, who I am as a person, or what i think about other people... and the whole "They are taking all the good ones" is pure BS also your statement " They will never understand our struggle" No one no matter what race you are from..No one will never fully understand anybody else's struggle... Will I understand the struggle of the citizens in Sri Lanka a country that has recently waged war again...innocent people are dying over there...will I understand a 22 year old struggle that lives in that country NO! but we must connect with all races to learn, and grow from it.. I just hope one day..everyone will be able to understand that we are ONE despite our skin color, and/or religious faith, we are all the same..just human human beings living in a world understanding love and happiness through whatever path we chose to take
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Permalink Reply by David Jackson on
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I must clarify that the statement "they're taking all the good ones" is a common statement used by black women who are against interracial dating. That statement isn't mine.
I also acknowledge and can understand how te definition of racism that I presented (not an original thought) could be hard for anyone to swallow but it's what separates racism from plain old bigotry and prejudice. Power is connected to racism. I don't like that, but it's true.
I do agree that learning and experiencing life around others many of whom come from diverse backgrounds is the key to calming the crashing waves of prejudice and racism. I'm Christian and a muslim student at my school couldn't believe that I wasn't Muslim or let alone that I was Christian because of how respectfully inquisitive and supportive I've been of her religious practices and beliefs. That's the power of love and acceptance. The fact remains that common experiences and history can weave us together and for many in the black community who feel all sorts of pains that other communities don't feel as much, the pain of "losing some of our best" shouldn't be called BS. Understand that if a woman longs to find a man who reminds her of her father, a loving, responsible black man, for instance, and she reads a statistic that black men make up 76% of the prison population while making up a mere 6% of the population, what do you expect this imperfect being to feel? We all have our inadequate moments, our preferences and our sensitivities, but to discredit someone for them as if they're spreading hatred I think is wrong.
I've heard black women who said they will only date white men. And then go on to list why, as if some relationship flaws in the past is an inherently black thing. I'm speaking from the black perspectve only because that's what I experience.
I'll tell you what though the same contempt that you guys pick up on when you hear some of this stuff I experienced. My best friend in college was a white guy named Bill. Bill had a Black gf. One day our track team went o Boston for a meet. Before the meet we all wnt to the mall. Bill asked me to walk wth one of our (white female) teammates as if we were together because he wanted to show me the looks he was getting from white people in Boston. Needless to say I got some of the dirtiest looks I ever recieved because I wad arm in arm with a blond haired blue eyed young lady.
I'm not justifying. I'm playing the advocate. Stating that not all of these feelings are borne of ignorance or hatred, but of love, and a desire to preserve nostalgic insitutions like the Black family. That's all. Thank you ladies for such respectful dissent.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffani D. on
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David, there is so much I could say about what you've written but...its not even 8:00 in the morning and I haven't had my coffee so...
WIN!
That ought to do it.
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Permalink Reply by happinessisme on -
I co-sign on some of this, and no, I'm not a racist. I date anyone who asks me out and my mother is engaged to a white man and my father is married to a puertorican woman. The thing is when people say, "we're all human why would someone get mad about another person's dating activities?" Their often not looking at the whole spectrum of the argument. The U.S. is still pretty darn racist, I'm from Ohio and have plenty of white friends who I get along with swell. Would they date me, hell to the nah. How do I know that, we've discussed it. I've had white friends tell me their families have sat them down and told them that it's alright to have black friends but not alright to day them. That they are better than black people at the end of the day. When my best friend's 17 year old sister got knocked up(oh, she's now 20 with 2 kids and a no good white baby daddy) her father said, "At least he's not black." Just cause Obama is in office doesn't mean racism doesn't exist anymore. I know that there are generational differences between parent and child but you can't tell me that if a parent sits their child down and says some ish like that, some of it might not seep in?
I have no real problem with interracial dating but I do have a problem with the way the world dogs black women at every chance they get. Black women historically and internationally are NOT a desired or preffered relationship partner. In the U.S. and to a larger extent the rest of the world, we are taught that the epitome of beauty is that of a white woman, specifically a blonde, fair skinned one. That is one of the reasons some black women might trip when they see a black man with a white woman. The dating field IS NOT even and that isn't me making a personal attack on interracial relationships, it's an intelligent observation. A lot of black men that I run across who date white women have self hatred issues, of course not all but some. They don't like black women and choose to prescribe to the universal stereotypes about us. Loud, fat, ugly, gold diggers, unsupportive etc etc. Some black men think having a women of lighter skin tone is a step up, a trophy of sorts.
Now of course this isn't all of them, however i do have quite a few male friends and we discuss these issues a lot. I don't think there is anything wrong with interracial dating but when it comes from a place of hatred against or pitting females against each other, that I'm not down with.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffani D. on
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Oooh, you should go read my last blog post, I thnk you'll find it really, really informative.
http://acceptedgirl.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-might-as-well-hang-it-up...
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Permalink Reply by Tiffani D. on
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And also, I get so much shit from darker-skinned AA women about how "i'll be the one to get all the good black men' because I have a lighter skin tone, which I felt was ridiculous, UNTIL I was part of a EEO training and work and a guy did a real quick study with men and skin tone, and out of EVERY african american female in the room (there were about 30) I was the one with the 'perfect' skin tone. Because I wasn't too dark and I wasn't white, apparently.
WTF?
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