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Living with the person you love
I started a new blog and one of the themes I anticipate writing about is living with my boyfriend. So far it's been good, but definitely an adjustment. What do you all think of cohabitation? Would you ever do it? Any tips for a newbie?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kimba McG on -
I moved in with my bf after a month. Prior to that he had been 'staying' with me for three weeks at my flat. I had never lived with anyone before other than flatmates, and I imagine it would have been incredibly difficult if we weren't both pretty lax about most things.
Actually, as we've gotten older we have become much sloppier and messier and neither of us really care much. As long as it's clean and not dirty, neither of us mind a bit of chaos from time to time.
The best advice I can give you is just be chill. Don't get cranky about a knife left in the sink or some friggin whiskers in the basin of the bathroom. Small stuff like this ruins relationships, and it kind of doesn't really matter. Unless you're OCD, and it causes you to freak out. In which case you should probably talk through that shit first.
Do the basics, like clean once a week. If you cook then really he should do the washing up (or vice versa). You clean the kitchen he cleans the bathroom, he does the vacuuming you do the washing, that kind of thing.
Also, communication! Talk about your day, even if you're just talking at each other rather than to each other. Often my hubby goes on about his day for half an hour, and I only half listen because I really couldn't give a crap about how many kilos of beef rump they cut up that day, but at least he gets it all off his chest!
Hope that is at least some advice to go off. We've been living together for almost six years and have only ever had a couple of mild disagreements, so we must be doing something right!
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Permalink Reply by Akirah on -
This is definitely helpful. I have found that I feel much more connected to Chef Boy is we talk at the end of the night, rather than burying ourselves into our laptops. Communication is definitely key!
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Permalink Reply by Krys on -
I would do it, but it makes me nervous. My boyfriend and I have been together two years and don't live together, because he's in the military and is stationed 45-60 minutes away from where I work & want to live. It just doesn't make sense, esp. since he'll be deploying again. Once he's back, we plan on living together, but it freaks me out because I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe. It will be really nice to actually be in the same place, though, and not have to only hang out on the weekends. :)
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Permalink Reply by Akirah on
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There are definitely pros and cons to it. You're smart to wait until you feel absolutely sure!
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Permalink Reply by Vicodin Kisses on -
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for only 5 months. We have been "living" together for about 4-ish of those months. I say 4-ish because there are days here and there (maybe one day out of three weeks) where I would sleep at my house. But other than that, yeah. It's different for everyone... I think if it doesn't hurt the relationship, it's ok. We fight and stuff, but love overrides any of that. I would just say, it doesn't matter how you go about it, just as long as it doesn't make things turn bad.
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Permalink Reply by Felicia on -
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we moved in together about a month and a half ago. So far it's been really good. It helps that we spent the majority of our relationship around each other and basically lived together anyway (we dated in college and spent almost every night together). I hope things go well with you and your boyfriend!
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Permalink Reply by Ellie on -
I honestly think the most important thing is being in a good place in your relationship before you move in together. My ex-boyfriend moved to a new city with me when I went to grad school, because he didn't want to "give me up" at that time, even though he'd cheated on me a couple times (as I found out later). I was really naive and didn't ask enough questions.
Well, eventually (after almost three years) we became more like friends, he cheated on me again, and we broke up. (As a side note, we were stuck living together for about four months after we broke up because of finances/rent issues. I don't recommend that...)
You have to make sure you still do things together as a couple, that you're still satisfying each other's needs in the love and sex department. And, as someone else mentioned, communication. Don't be afraid to let the other person know if you have a real problem, because you don't want to let things build up. There's nothing worse than ignoring a small issue until it becomes a big issue, and you'll likely encounter a lot of little issues at first when you live with someone. Be honest about the things that really bother you, and be willing to let things that don't matter go.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel Douglas on
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I'm sure it's just a coincidence but I've noticed that every relationship involving one of the parties relocating from a different city, usually ends in tears. Moving cities for someone is like tattooing their name on your arm. Disaster is emminent.
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Permalink Reply by Smile Soup on -
I moved cities for my (now) husband. Totally worth it.
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Permalink Reply by Akirah on
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Ya, I don't think you can make a blanket statement like that, Dan. It just depends on the relationship. I didn't move cities to live with Chef Boy...I literally moved ten minutes. But it's still an adjustment either way. I'm glad things are working out for you Smile Soup!
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