The Bloggers With The Most To Say
Making the First Move
If you like someone, do you usually make the first move or do you wait for them to ask you out first?
What would you consider the do's & don'ts of approaching someone you are interested in?
Please share your thoughts!
Thanks! :)
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Oats on -
Since I am typically shy when it comes to asking someone out, I rely on heavy barriers such as the internet to soften the blow. Then, by the time we meet in person, we already know what is in store, so it's really a mutual effort rather than someone making an explicit first move.
I have, however, just walked up to people I've been interested in and wound up making out with her climbing on me biting my face. Later I found out she was married - in an open marriage, but still. I learned my lesson then, that getting to know someone before heavily crushing on them is a plus!
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Permalink Reply by Philly Girl on -
I used to be pretty shy in terms of "making a move" but a few years ago I started being a lot more bold. Not to say I make moves all the time, but if the guy that I'm into isn't doing anything, and I'm sure he's into me too, what's the harm in making a move? It's actually gotten me to the place I am totally...very happy and in-love with the guy I'm meant to be with!
www.confessionsofaphillygirl.blogspot.com
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Permalink Reply by Emryl Ashley Kovakan aka Pilgrim on -
Friend of friend. You tell one of your friends that you think so and so is cute, and she'll hook you guys up. This is normal, real, social dynamics. There's nothing wrong with it.
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Permalink Reply by Emryl Ashley Kovakan aka Pilgrim on
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The thing that women continue to believe is that men will make the move on them within a social circle. This is just not true for most men, especially because most men don't have that type of charisma, initiative, or even close to that much belief in himself. Most men who do the "moves" are creepers; you know that guy in your group that has asked practically every girl out in your group and has gotten rejected by all of them. It's not the 18th century and from what I take from what you're talking about, you like a guy and this isn't some guy you see daily at a bar.
Everyone needs to take the less embarrassing more confirming route, which is what I posted above.
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Permalink Reply by Skinny Dip on -
I'm all about making the first move for the reasons you listed above.
I'm actually writing an article about this & just wanted other people's feedback/opinions.
Thanks for sharing! :)
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Permalink Reply by Emryl Ashley Kovakan aka Pilgrim on
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You're lovely
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Permalink Reply by Barbara on -
There have been times when I've made the first move and other times when the guy did. My current relationship, I made the first move.
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Permalink Reply by leilani on -
i am theoretically down for making the first move, but i can't say i have ever, like, approached a guy in a bar or something? it may sound kind of '50s but i feel like it's rather hard to do that without coming on too strong... but dropping hints etc. that they should ask you out is also making a move in my opinion :)
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Permalink Reply by Carolina Escobedo on -
I am a total chicken when it comes to making the first move. In fact, the only time I've ever made any kind of first move was when I was 18 - I really liked this guy and my friends taunted me about it and baited me with, "You'll never ask him out - you're too scared!" And to that I said, "Watch." And I asked him out. But aside from that, I've never made a first move.
My (then) boyfriend (now husband) had to literally grab me and pull me in to get a first kiss, lol. It's a cute story now, but I remember be petrified to make the first move and I thought about it non-stop like, "Kiss him. Now? No. Wait. NOW?!" Finally he had enough of my craziness and pulled me in. Thank goodness he did!
I think the most important thing about first moves is being sure that a) you genuinely want to make the move and are ready to deal with those consequences and b) that the other person isn't going to be offended. It's about knowing yourself and knowing enough about the other person to have some reasonable idea as to whether or not you're going to get slapped or punched ;)
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Permalink Reply by Krysten (After 'I Do') on -
The first time I ever made the move was when I was a sophomore in high school. I met a guy at a youth program and was totally smitten - but after the weekend we went back to our separate high schools. I did have his phone number - everyone's info was listed in books that we had from the youth weekend. I remember sitting in my room willing myself to call because I knew I liked him and I wanted to get to know him better.
I finally called and we ended up becoming good friends. Awhile later I mustered up the courage to ask him out and... he turned me down. At the time I was SO bummed but I later realized that we were better off friends. However, I loved knowing I had the courage to make those moves.
Later in college when I first met my husband I showed up at a party he and his roommates were having and basically told him I thought he was cute and we should hang out. He later told me that my move was just bold enough to make him interested =-) And now we're married.
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Permalink Reply by Shayna on -
Generally I'm too shy to make the first move... but I commend those with enough guts to do so!! I wish I was more bold, but I lack the self confidence!
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Permalink Reply by Anthony Licari on -
Women who aggressively pursuit men are an entirely different breed and should be played with caution.
Generally speaking across the board females are attracted to assertive males, and if that is what she's attracted to somewhere in her mind she's thinking "he should come to me." If he's assertive there's a chance he's intimidating as well and so she'll do everything to flirt with him body language wise to catch his attention.
I think for women, giving those signs IS the making the first move. You're initiating contact and if he's interested he'll come over and if not he won't think less of you.
EDIT: The pick up artist does have a point because most guys don't have that M.O. for mostly reasons they don't even realize. If we still lived in caves, killing each other over the right to mate well then you'd only be left with dominant assertive males. :) That doesn't mean that he isn't somewhere inside. If you do it right you should be able to coax that out of him but I'm purely speculating because I don't know "him" or any parameters of the situation.
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