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Marital Advice
What is one piece of the best marital advice you have ever heard or have learned from first-hand experience?
Worst advice for married couples?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Robin on -
best advice: never say anything bad about about your husband (or any spouse really) to anyone else. ever.
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Permalink Reply by Ti on -
YES. I have heard this before... and it is interesting because my husband does not agree that I shouldn't express what about him bugs me with others. Hmmm...
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Permalink Reply by Gina on -
I think there's a big difference between commiserating with your sisters/girlfriends/whomever about how he plays too many video games or he never remembers to take out the trash, and the "ugh, my husband is so stupid and lazy!"
Talking about a situation is a lot different than talking about a person. And your tone/attitude about what you are saying makes a big difference, too. If it's "Ah, man, he does some weird things, but I love him anyway, bless his heart!" instead of "I can't imagine why I ever married the big loaf!" then you are probably okay.
But this ultimately comes down to what you are comfortable with. If you feel like even the light-hearted banter is too much, then you keep it to yourself. But I agree with your husband: you need to be able to speak your mind about things that are bugging you, even if it's only with a few people. Getting it off your chest can help lighten your attitude about it.
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Permalink Reply by Melissa Brander on -
I thought of some more good advice, kind of off of Gina's start your own traditions device. One of my friends who had been married for a lot longer told me to learn to set boundaries with your families (like your parents mainly). You don't need to go over every time they invite you over, or spend the holidays with your/his family because you feel obligated too. If you want to spend the holidays alone or do something else, learn to say no to your parents and to his parents. Kind of the leave and cleave idea. You are a new family now and while you still should be respectful of your old families, it doesn't mean you need to be at every event they ask you to be at.
I mean, I kind of lucked out of this one, it's been easy advice for us to follow (and we've been better for it) because I had already set boundaries with my parents and his parents live so far away (like in a different country far away), but I have seen people who have a hard time following this advice and it has not gone well for them, especially if the two people disagree about what to do (ie, one person wants to celebrate Christmas as just a family and the other person wants to celebrate Christmas with their family because that's what they've always done). You should be deciding these things together and if that's to go to your family's event, great, but if it's not, that's okay too because it's the time for you to make your own new family.
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Permalink Reply by Ti on
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This is really interesting, and definitely its on a topic that hasn't even crossed my mind in the past... HUH! Thanks for sharing this!!
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Permalink Reply by Dianne R. on -
not given to me, but one i give to others.
you're married, that is your family now. they are the most important person in your life. you can't let your family get between that. don't do the whole "My (insert family member) always does this....." They are not that person, you have your own relationship, you have to have each others backs as well.
my in-laws tried really hard to put a wedge between us and my husband is amazing at telling them to eff off.
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Permalink Reply by Katie on -
Best advice: don't go to bed angry. It's so cliche, but it's really a good way to make sure you resolve your issues with your partner promptly and directly, instead of stewing over it for weeks and bringing it up months later in arguments on completely unrelated topics. If you don't let bad feelings build up between you, you never get overwhelmed by them.
Worst advice: Most of it has had to do with religion and outmoded gender roles. Not exactly what you want to say to a pair of atheists who want an equal partnernship.
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Permalink Reply by Angie on -
Another little dose of advice, based on this very topic: Every couple is different. We all have a different view of what is right and wrong, what you should and shouldn't do, what's serious and what is silly. While it's a fun discussion, you and your partner are all that matter. What might work for some, may not work for others. No one way is "right" or "wrong" as we are all so different - apart and together. So take advice with a grain of salt, follow your heart, be open and talk with your partner and make your lives together the best they can be. For YOU TWO. Not for anyone else.
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on -
worst advice I was ever given was by my mom...
"honey, he comes from a good family. he has a trust fund. he's studying to be an architect and he wants to go into politics. don't worry if he has an affair- just turn a blind eye to it and let it burn out. You'll still be the one with access to the joint account."
uh, WTF mother?
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