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So... my Mom has breast cancer.
It just goes to show you your life can turn upside down in a heart beat.
My Mom is apparently going to be ok, it's a small growth, and she'll only need five weeks of radiation after the surgery. She won't lose her hair. She's expected to fully recover.
At first I was too shocked to say anything other than "I don't know what to say".
Then I cried for two hours.
And now I'm just feeling a little numb.
I'm sure (unfortunately), many of you have gone through this too. How did you handle it?
My Mom is apparently going to be ok, it's a small growth, and she'll only need five weeks of radiation after the surgery. She won't lose her hair. She's expected to fully recover.
At first I was too shocked to say anything other than "I don't know what to say".
Then I cried for two hours.
And now I'm just feeling a little numb.
I'm sure (unfortunately), many of you have gone through this too. How did you handle it?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Allie Fab on -
My mom was diagnosed last year with early stage breast cancer. When I found out, I burst in to tears immediately. I got through it by going to most her appointments with her. She ended up having to have chemo, and we would watch eps of The Office together during treatments. Being with her and knowing what was going on helped me through it, though of course there were more many more tears along the way.
Also, my mom found breastcancer.org to be a really supportive online community that you might pass on to your mother.
I'm sending much love and prayer in your direction!
- @alliefab
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Permalink Reply by Erin on -
My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer almost 9 years ago. I so distinctly remembering him telling us, "I've got a little cancer," like it was nothing. Nearly a decade later, he's still dealing with it, and it stills scares the shit out of my every single day. There is nothing so scary as thinking you could lose someone you love. You get through it as best you can. You get mad, get scared, cry, make jokes....whatever you need to do to get you through the day. You recognize how precious life is and spend as much time as you can with your mom.
Good luck to you and your mom! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
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Permalink Reply by Mel on -
My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in March 2008 and he continues to battle it.
When he first told me, I found it really frustrating that there wasn't a lot out there for people our age dealing with this - as you get older, it's more natural for your parents to age and get sick (not that it makes it easier necessarily, but it's just very VERY different in this situation) and so I actually turned to blogging quite a bit to just be able to write about everything - all that I was scared of and frustrated with, how unfair I felt life was - all the things that I felt weird or bad saying to friends in person who just felt helpless. That's how I started getting into blogging and blog culture and all that. (And I swear I'm not trying to self-promote, but I really did this because I feel like there aren't enough resources out there to help young people who are in this situation, but there's now a 20sb group called "Kicking Cancer's Ass" that is more or less so we could all talk about this stuff and exchange resources... not that it's super-active, but it could be!)
I also liked the book When Life Becomes Precious by Elise Babcock. Some people said that reading about cancer and the particular brand your parent is dealing with is not helpful, but I actually found that it sort of was, even if I can't really explain why. I guess it just felt like something I could do - educate myself about options and possibilities, etc. - and taking that control was helpful for me. And it kept me occupied so I didn't just think about the ugly possibilities. Of course, some people find this not helpful at all, but it worked well for me, so I figured I'd put it out there.
Sending good thoughts your way,
Mel
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Permalink Reply by David Stehle on -
I've watched several people close to me battle cancer, the majority of which ended up losing their battle. So I really feel for you. It's probably the most awful way to go, but I'm very happy to hear that you Mom is expected to make a full recovery. That’s great! And I'm sure that news was a HUGE relief to you and to her.
If I could offer just one piece of advice it would be stay positive and stay strong. I know that's easier said than done, but it's remarkable what a good fighting spirit will do in beating cancer. Also, like someone else mentioned, look into support groups. This doesn't just go for your Mom, but for you and the rest of your family as well. They say when one person has cancer, the whole family has cancer - meaning you are all in this together and all hurting equally. So look online for different support groups and join one. Having an outlet for your rollercoaster of emotions, endless questions, and being able to connect with people who can truly relate to your situation is sooo helpful.
And last but not least, your 20SB buddies are here to listen if you should need an ear.
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Permalink Reply by erin on -
Mom was diagnosed a little over a year ago with colon cancer. Same kind of thing, small growth, they caught it early. Mom did 2 rounds of radiation and chemo in total, and had a surgery in between them. As of a few months ago, she was cancer free. Let me tell you, it's not easy. For me, I was torn between how scared I was feeling and needing to be strong for mom. I used humour to get through a lot of it because that's how I deal with tough situations. Know that your mom's going to need a lot of support in the next while - she's probably terrified. The chemo/radiation and the surgery are going to wear her out, she'll need a lot of sleep and help doing tasks that were simple before. One of mom's friends organized ladies from her church to get together meals and bring them out to our house so mom didn't have to worry about dinners. It's also likely going to be hard for her to deal with social things, because everyone's going to be asking about her. I tried my best to be the in-between person, giving people info about how she was doing without them having to pester her, and also letting her know that people were thinking about her. It's not going to be an easy time of it for you or your mom, but just remember how lucky you are that it was caught early enough, and use this time to bring your family closer together. Be there for your mom, but also take the time to talk about it to the people in your own support system. And even while you care for mom, don't forget to take time to care for yourself!
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Permalink Reply by curiousillusion on -
AW I'm sorry to hear that. I haven't been through it but I can't even imagine how gut-wrenching that must be. *hugs*
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Permalink Reply by Deva on -
That's GREAT that she's expected to fully recover, but I will certainly keep your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
My stepmom was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 times in the past 10 years... In the beginning it was REALLY tough and I was completely speechless/emotionless (numb). She was the first sick family member I had ever been in contact with and I had no clue how to respond (I was also 15). As a teenager, I knew the best thing I could do is keep her in my prayers and help her out when needed. The second time, I was in college, and when my dad told me, I terrified and I cried. The numbness set in and I felt completely helpless. I wanted to go home so badly just to support her - but I couldn't. The third time, was less than a year ago - and luckily my mom (and the doctor) caught it early. To be hit with cancer THREE times is a huge ordeal - and just straight up tiring. Just recently (January), she finally removed the breast where the cancer kept growing and now she's completely cancer free - and she didn't even have to go through chemo!
It's been a HUGE struggle for my stepmom, but for the 2nd and 3rd times, she maintained such a positive attitude and kept her head up - and I honestly believe that played a huge role in her recovery. And ditto what everyone said about support - it won't be easy to stay strong for your mom, but it's SO important. Not only will it help her, it will help you cope.
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Permalink Reply by Oats on -
When I was pretty young, my dad got throat cancer from exposure to agent orange. He came down with the cancer in about 1983 and initially went to the VA hospital for treatments. He was expected to be cured, but they would have to remove his salivary glands and a portion of his tongue. The first bout of radiation was so high it burned his skin everywhere. After that they switched hospitals. He went through surgeries, chemo, and radiation and was eventually rid of the cancer. It hasn't been back since, but the complications that have arose from the radiation exposure have complicated his life a bit. His teeth are more brittle and break easily. Blah blah blah.
Since I was too young to understand what was going on, it was really my mom who helped him through it. She took over part of his business and hired outside help. Then again in 1999, he had a massive heart attack at the age of 50 with 5 of the 6 major vessels almost completely blocked. He needed a quintuple bypass surgery and a major lifestyle change. I was around for that and fortunately we had a really good cardiologist.
We did what we could to help him out, but my dad is a "leave me alone I'm fine" kinda guy. He kept saying "I feel like a millions bucks" anytime anyone would ask. His brothers came to visit him as well - and they don't talk EVER.
I guess the biggest thing is POSITIVE support. Looking past the cancer, heart disease, etc. My piano teacher suffered from terminal breast cancer that had metastasized to her spine and liver. She was determined to teach piano, however, and 5 years after they gave her 6 months to live was she finally ready to go. Having a purpose in life, something to look forward to. Those are the things that will get you through the hard times.
Also, get rid of the people who are bringing you down. Someone in bad shape doesn't want to see other people crying over them. They want to see smiles, happiness radiating through the room. My best advice for you is to keep your chin up and be supportive in a positive way. Divert her focus away from what is happening. Remain calm. Help her relax. This will all be over with in a matter of weeks.
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Permalink Reply by Erin on
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I think, though, that you should be mentally prepared that it won't be over in a matter of weeks. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but the reality is that, with cancer, you really don't know what you are dealing with until the doctors get in there and see it. This is my dad's 9th year battling cancer, and he was told that surgery and a round of radiation would be all he needed. Hopefully, that won't be the case for your mom, but please be prepared for it to take longer than the doctor's first stated.
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