I wrote this today: http://www.excelsiorlady.com/2012/03/ladies-ladies.html
I'm looking for someone who can try to help me understand it, or debate me on it, or discuss ideas on how to make it better. Or just talk shit about me and prove my point :D
I think girls talk about people more than guys. This was brought up in a post about blogs. Women are more likely to talk about people than men in their blogs/writing.
My mother is a perfect example of this. She sits on the phone, smokes cigarettes and bitches/gossips about all her coworkers, my aunt who she had falling out with, etc. My dad doesn't talk to anybody about anything.
I personally love to gossip and talk about people when they're not around. So men do it too.
I think men can let things go easier. I remember two friends of mind got in a huge shouting match one night, and were really pissed at each other. Next day, another friend of ours asked one of them, "Are you still pissed at Eric? You guys hate each other now?" He immediately says "No, we're not women." I lol'd. Happens all the time; my friends and I would have huge arguments, usually over politics or something, that would literally keep the whole street up. We would attack each other really personally too. But everything was always fine the next day.
I had a similar conversation about this not too long ago, and one guy said, "If two hot girls aren't best friends, they hate each other."
I'm not saying all I've said here is necessarily true, but it is a widely held perception of women. Which is probably why you are writing about this subject in the first place.
I agree, it seems like it's an issue of being so incredibly offended, all the time. One of my best friends is a guy, and we can yell at each other and be so frustrated with each other, but there is no passive aggression, we speak our minds and then everything is totally fine. I can't do that with even my closest girl friends, which is sad because, in my opinion, it's one of the most valuable qualities in any sort of relationship with another person -- to know that no matter what you say or how different your opinions/lives are -- you can handle it with respect.
I'd jump in on this. But i can't stand other girls who talk about other girls. So I'd be talking shit about other girls- which would make me a hypocrite.
Overall, I think it's a deep insecurity in ones self that causes that person to constantly talk about or tear down others- regardless of gender. It could be cultural, it could be gender related, it could be generational. Whatever the excuse, I think it's just a waste of time.
Envy and insecurity are just more ways to not appreciate what you do have. I don't think cruelty is the answer to this problem.
I think it's frustrating that women tend to be stereotyped into the gossiping, backstabbing frienemies. I do joke about the stereotype, but in reality it's upsetting to think about.
I won't pretend to understand why this is, but obviously there are enough women out there who are like this, that we are given this stereotype. I try not to gossip and talk about people behind their back. I won't say I never do, because I would be lying, but I try not to make a habit of it.
While I think a lot of gossiping stems from insecurity, I think pop culture and the media encourage it. Look at sites like Perez Hilton and TMZ. They show people at their lowest and capitalize on it. Perez Hilton is especially guilty. He mocks celebrities, gives them cruel nicknames, and draws pictures on their faces until they hit rock bottom (perfect example Britney Spears) and then when they finally have their meltdown, he encourages them for a comeback. How is that okay?
I think woman in general are raised in an environment where judging other woman is the norm. Recently I feel like there's been this upswing of woman talking shit about other woman. Really there's no need, and I agree that most of it stems from jealousy or insecurity but I hope we can break the pattern.
I think Ginny made a great point. Unfortunately, female culture, particularly in the media, revolves around judging other women. It's always.. "Has so and so gained weight?" or "So and so back stabs so and so, in an attempt to steal her husband."
Instead of showcasing strong women doing substantial and legitimately recognizable things in society, the media showcases women to be critiqued.
Now, I'm certainly not blaming the media entirely for people's actions, but I think this upswing may have something to do with being a product of the environment we are not only surrounded with, but having to raise new generations in.
I wish there was a way to not only promote but to activate better self esteem, so young girls were no longer being raised in this type of culture, where attacking other females is normal.
What's also interesting to me is the strange assumption that, when anything doesn't go their way, so many ladies assume someone "did it on purpose to screw them over" which of course causes a lot of hostility.
I'd like to think that people are good enough at heart that we don't purposely plot evil things to do to other people. I know some people are exceptions to that, but the majority of us just don't care, and that indifference is somehow mistaken for backstabbing or sabotage.
I hear people talking about this all the time, and it makes me nervous about other ladies, when honestly I haven't experienced any mean girl hate in my personal life since early high school. While it can be hard to break into a circle of girlfriends, I find that mostly ladies are very nice, even if they seem intimidating at first.
Then again, I have a high tolerance for most behavior, and an excellent way of ignoring people, even my good friends, when they start going on and on about something I don't care to comment on. Like acupuncture! Or girls being slutty!
hahaha I am the queen of ignoring people! a useful tool indeed ;)
I'm glad I learned my lesson in high school and now I don't put up with mean girl behavior. There are plenty of people that I can choose to be friends with.
Some of this- and some of the larger socio-political reasons for why this happens- comes up in a lot of the posts that the wonderful Belle Renee is curating for the fab 'Powerful Woman Monologues' series. You might find it interesting. :)
I will definitely check it out! Thank you :D