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TO FORGIVE FIRST TIME CHEATER?
My boyfriend... well ex-boyfriend now cheated on me 5 months into our relationship.
5 months later he brakes down and tells me the full story...
question is: do you forgive a first time cheater? does it even matter that he is a first time cheater?
would you?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Andy Jones on -
It's hard to say. I wouldn't stay with someone if they cheated on me, but loyalty is really, really important to me. The fact that he told you 5 months later makes it much harder to say what to do. My gut feeling (based on not knowing you, your boyfriend, or really the situation) is to let it pass, though usually I would say to end it. Just watch the relationship closely, and if you aren't 100% happy then I would reconsider.
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Permalink Reply by janjan on
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For me it doesn't matter if it was the first, second or third time. The fact that he cheated on me is enough proof to kick his ass. Maybe I can forgive him but I can't be with someone whom I couldn't trust. Even if he's sorry for what he did, it's not a guarantee he won't do it again.
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Permalink Reply by Harley Jane on -
DON'T DO IT.
I did and it was the worst idea ever.
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Permalink Reply by Tiffani D. on -
I forgave a first time cheater once, and we ended up staying together for 3 years, and it was a pretty good 3 years (we moved to opposite ends of the country, and decided a long distance thing wasn't for us), however, I never forgot and the time we spent together was definitely shadowed by my mistrust of him.
If the same thing were to happen to me again, I don't think I'd give anyone a second chance. I could forgive them, but I wouldn't stay with them. The trust is gone, and it's very hard to gain my trust back, once you've done something so egregious, like cheating. I wouldn't want the lack of trust in the relationship, it's just too important.
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Permalink Reply by Angie on -
No one can tell YOU what to do. You need to make your own decision with this. I don't have any experience with cheating, so I can't speak personally. But I think you need to ask yourself some things.
1. Was he sorry? Truly sorry? Is this something that has troubled him, something that bothers him?
2. Can YOU trust him again? Maybe not right away, maybe not soon, but can you see yourself truly trusting him?
3. More importantly - can you imagine life without him?
4. How honest is he about everything else? Do you healthy communication?
I believe people can goof up, can make a bad decision, can get carried away. I also believe in true love.
How do you feel?
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Permalink Reply by Jamie on -
Moving this to the correct forum. Please be aware of where you are posting.
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Permalink Reply by Jeffrey on -
You can forgive him, but it doesn't mean you have to get back together with him.
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Permalink Reply by Krysten (After 'I Do') on -
I have never been cheated on but my husband was - the girl he was with before me.
It actually happened right around the time that I met him. He'd been with the girl about 6 months. She cheated on him once before I met him and he forgave her.
Well one night she texted him while he was at work. Told him that she cheated. Again. With his ROOMMATE. I remember him being so sad and upset that I finally told him to leave and I'd take his shift.
Long story short, she broke up with him to go be with the roommate. And then moved in down the hall like there was nothing wrong (he lived in a house with 3 other guys).
Anyway, he's told me before that he wishes he'd broken up with her the first time and he should have known better than to take her back but that love blinded him.
Then again, had he not taken her back I wouldn't have been his shoulder to cry on when it happened the second time. Maybe we still would have become friends and then later gotten together, who knows? But I'm glad she was dumb and made her mistakes so I could get the good guy ;-)
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Permalink Reply by Victoria Penrose on -
Both my previous ex boyfriends cheated on me with their female best friends. The first one ended up finishing a week later anyway but the second one had been a more serious relationship so I forgave but then he became a different person. After we split a month later he started going out with her straight away but, as you'd expect, cheated on her too and repeated the same pattern with that girl. In my opinion its once a cheater, always a cheater.
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Permalink Reply by Linda on -
I tried to forgive a first time cheater.
He just ended up doing it again.
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Permalink Reply by Hipstercrite on -
Sigh. What a situation.
I have never been cheated on (that I know of), so I probably can't give the best advice.
I was talking about this topic with a man who struggles with being monogamous. He loves his girlfriend, but he also loves women. He said the only thing that makes us different from animals is that we can choose to control our impulses. If someone really loves someone, I'd think that they would fight the urge to cheat on them, or talk to their significant other about their issues with monogamy. Things are never that easy though. I think the chances of him cheating again are high, unless you two have a very deep relationship where you can communicate...
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Permalink Reply by Dianne R. on -
I was cheated on and I cut him loose as soon as he confessed. He was a friggin' cheating ninja. It was ugly and ridiculous and I felt like a fool for not seeing it. So no, I don't give second chances. Most of the people (men and women) i know that do cheat, don't cheat just once, they cheat over and over again.
Honestly,I don't think forgiveness is my nature. I've always been one to hold on to stuff. Probably not the best personality trait.
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