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What are the most important discussions to have with your partner before making a life long commitment?
Hey Everyone,
I'm doing some research on different aspects of relationships, and wondering what you think are the most important discussions to have with your partner before you tie the knot? Specifics are helpful, not just "goals" and "dreams."
You could approach the question from this standpoint as well: What do you wish you would have discussed with your partner before you got married?
I'm looking forward to what people have to share!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Brittney on -
I think this is really, really good. Because right, being on the same page as The Big Ones? A must --- but so many people forget about the day to day -- and that can wear you down if it's not well aligned! I have great friends, and while they see eye to eye on the big stuff, they are constantly bickering and miserable due to the little ones. Like who scoops the litterbox (such a fight they.. got rid of the cat), who cleans (whoever the mess is bothering, which is always the wife), etc.
It's kind of why I'm not traditional because I think it can serve a great purpose to live with someone before marriage, to get a taste of what the long haul would be. I had to know.. does he help clean? Does he help clean without my asking or is it a guilt trip to make it happen? Does he help grocery shop? Can he put the toilet paper on the right way? Does he treat the pets with the same undying commitment, compassion and patience that I'd need to see when parents? Will he at least heat up a frozen pizza if there is a night I don't want to even look at the kitchen myself? Can he pay bills on time and help with errands?
PS... If it were up to me, everything would be covered in beadboard a la Martha Stewart, so I feel ya!
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Permalink Reply by Margarita on -
I think the main ones that always come up are money and religion. My boyfriend and I haven't really discussed either too much, but since we've been together for over 7 years I'm sure we won't need to have such a big talk or anything ;)
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Permalink Reply by Krys on -
I'm not married or engaged yet, but I think there are a couple really important things to discuss. First of all, the desire (or lack thereof) for children. Another is money - how will finances be handled? What are the struggles each person has with money & how will they be dealt with? Long-term goals are another thing - does one person want to stay home with the children, do both want a career, etc. Religion is probably a big one, too, but I can't relate to it personally so I'm not sure of the specifics.
Others people may not find as important but that are huge for me - health issues (for example, I'm high-risk for certain types of cancer & I also struggle with anxiety, both of which are health issues that can and will affect any partnership I enter into) and where to live. I want to live in a city & I don't think I could even be all that happy in the suburbs, so I wouldn't be able to marry a guy who wants to live way out in the country. It's good to figure out if one person has really strong ties to a certain place or is willing to relocate.
Those are just some basics... there are a LOT of other issues that come up on a case-by-case basis that might be important for a certain couple but aren't necessarily one-size-fits-all, if that makes sense.
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Permalink Reply by Nici9145 on -
YOUR CREDIT SCORE
Its beautiful to think that all you need is love and all that jazz but when their creditors start barking up YOUR tree.... love tends to fly out the window, at least just for a moment. Their debt becomes your debt when you marry(though you can argue that out in divorce court later if need be) so you need to know what youre jumping into before you jump.
I once paid off a credit card used to take a fabulous trip to NYC.... 2 years before our marriage, that I didnt take.
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