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What do you do if you disagree with a friend's relationship?
Have you ever been in a scenario where you genuinely do not approve a friend's choice in a relationship? Maybe you dislike the person but aren't sure why or you have things you've noticed that you feel like your friend hasn't seen. How have you handled this situation?
Do you tell your friend? Say nothing? Or try to talk yourself into liking the person because your friend does?
I've been on both sides of this scenario. When I got out of a past relationship I found out that several of my friends disliked him for various reason. I told them all (at the time) that I wish someone would have had the guts to tell me. I am not sure if I would have been able to listen at the time, but perhaps the relationship would have ended sooner. Sometimes when you are in a bad relationship you feel like you're just making things worse in your head, so it can help to hear it from an outsider.
What do you guys think?
Tags: boyfriends, dating, friendship
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mallory on -
This situation DOES suck, but I think it's best to stay out of it. Maybe just distance yourself a little while their relationship is going on, and if the distance comes up, then maybe bring up your dislike for her boyfriend.
If your friend is happy with her new relationship, I have found that more often then not, if you say you don't like him, or disagree with what they have, you will most likely end up the one losing a friend.Shitty, but true...
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Permalink Reply by Brooke on -
My best friend and roommate got into a quasi-relationship with this guy that I knew was bad for her from the start. (I say quasi-relationship because they were never officially in a relationship / say that they were dating, but they were pretty much in a relationship and seeing each other exclusively.) Anywho, my bff got mad at/upset with me for not being happy and excited about getting involved with this guy because, as her best friend, I was supposed to be supportive. But I couldn't in good faith tell her I thought it was a a good idea if I was genuinely against it. In the end, it didn't work out between the two of them (as I knew it wouldn't) and she got hurt in the process.
I think when you're the friend who doesn't approve of a friend's relationship choices, you should be open and honest with her about your feelings toward her relationship. You have to say it in a way that doesn't put her off, though. I could've probably stated my opinion/feelings in a better way to my bff because she got upset with me.
I've never been the girl whose friends hate her boyfriend / think her relationship is a bad idea and not good for her, but I can imagine that if you're that girl, it's probably really difficult to step back and analyze the situation from an objective, unemotional point of view. Romantic feelings complicate everything, especially judgment. It's a difficult situation for all involved. My advice is to just do what you think is best/appropriate for the situation. If you think you think you're in a position to say something, say it. If not, then don't. In the end, though, no matter what you end up doing to try and help a friend, the friend will do whatever she wants. There's not much you can do besides say your piece and be there for her to pick up the pieces. It sucks, but sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Robb on -
Such a tough situation... but I think it's best not to say anything. If you talk about how terrible he is and they end up getting married down the road, that could create some really awkward tension between you & BFF.
I reeeeeally did not like my BFF's boyfriend- he was absolutely awful on every level, and I didn't see one thing appealing about him. But I loved BFF, and she was happy with him (for the most part). I had to overlook what I thought about him and realize that he was making her happy and that's all that really mattered to me. When they broke up, and they were done & moved on (they were off & on for a long time), I said something to her. I wasn't overly harsh/attacking him or their relationship, though, and she totally saw where I was coming from. I guess it kind of depends on the situation and friendship.
I've also been in a relationship where every single one of my friends verbalized their feelings toward my dude- and they weren't very nice. But I stayed with him for a while, and I constantly felt like I was being judged by my "best friends." Now that I've been done with that guy for a while, I see what they saw. But, I would have rather them keep their mouths shut.
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Permalink Reply by Tora on -
Honestly, I have learned that no matter how nicely you say what you want to say against a friend's relationship, it either falls on death ears or you become the bad guy in some form or fashion. I simply keep my comments to myself.
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Permalink Reply by Hannah on -
I tried talking to one of my best friends about a man she was with who I didn't think was a good man. It totally blew up in my face and seriously hurt our friendship. To say the least, they're married now, and we're anything but best friends. Friends still, but not close at all.
I think it mostly depends on how you think the other person will gage the conversation...if they'll take it well or be pissed or whatever. And you definitely how to go about it VERY sensitively. The sad thing is, this same friend I tried to talk to about her relationship, had previously confronted me about mine...and instead of getting offended, I thanked her for her concern and politely answered her questions. Funny how friendships work, eh?!
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Permalink Reply by Cherie on -
It sucks.
My best friend is dating a complete ass. I'm 80% sure he's using her for sex and 90% sure they won't last another two months. He's also going nowhere with his life and gets drunk nearly every day. Three of us confronted her about it one night when he was being particularly douchey. She didn't see what we saw. That's the only time I've said anything and I'm just going to let it be. She didn't listen to me, so I'm not going to pick up the pieces when he breaks her heart like he inevitably will. Nope.
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Permalink Reply by Simran on -
Hey there! Well i have been in such a situation n i believe in friendship the main thing is honesty & acceptance.. So yes, if u dont like your friend's bf/gf fr some reason then you can be honest about it and tell your friend what you think in a nice way but at the same time if your friend is defensive then let her/him be and let her/him find out for themselves as long as you were honest and you accept whatever decision your friend makes good or bad :) and try to not always u know say things like i dnt like ur bf/gf and point out too much cos it makes matters worse. Maon thing is you've made ur point once that's enough :) cheers :) have a gr8 day! :)
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Permalink Reply by Stephanie McGrew on -
i have been on both sides as well. and to be honest i have told my friend...just to let them know so they would not always force me into a situation with their partner...i did not like her partner for the fact that she was a liar...cheater...and sneaky. She pretty much was trying to get with someone else while they were dating and stuck me in the middle of it! so she was not good in my book...not to mention she is really weird and just acts like a dumb blonde ALL THE TIME...*sigh*...but what do you do...your friends will date who they want regardless if you like them or not...
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Permalink Reply by Melanie on -
I tell them what I honestly think but I've learned that in the end only they can make the decision. You can talk until you're blue in the face about how things really are but until they see it themselves it seems useless :/
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Permalink Reply by sexless.c on -
A lot of my blog entries have had to do with a relationship my best friend was in and how the girl he was dating hated me. It's something you express your opinion on but then just let ride out. Usually they work themselves out.
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Permalink Reply by Taylor on -
I would definitely tell my friends how I feel about their relationships, once. Once, I didn't directly tell my friend how I felt about her boyfriend. I would make side comments about his fake ways, but nothing like a sit down conversation. She really thought he had changed and after a while I thought maybe he had too.
When the light switch flipped one day and he left her, I had the nerve to say "I knew he was going to do this" and felt STUUUUUIPID when she asked why I didn't tell her. There's a .5% chance your friend will listen. But nothing feels worse then knowing you could have potential stopped an ugly situation.
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