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What do you think about "the other woman"?
My group of friends is pretty evenly split between girls who've been "the other woman", and girls who would never consider such a thing. Some think that a girl who knowingly dates (or sleeps with) a man in a relationship is as morally culpable as he is; others' opinions are that it's the responsibility of the coupled person to resist the urge to cheat, or deal with the fallout alone.
I'm in the latter group, and in my most recent blog post, I wrote about being the other woman to a guy who had a live-in girlfriend, and what it's like to still be in touch with him five years later. But writing it got me wondering what the general consensus is on the people who enable adulterers. What do you guys think? Is the other woman guilty? Does it make a difference whether the person she cheats with is married, or cohabitating, or just dating someone else? What about the other MAN?
I'm in the latter group, and in my most recent blog post, I wrote about being the other woman to a guy who had a live-in girlfriend, and what it's like to still be in touch with him five years later. But writing it got me wondering what the general consensus is on the people who enable adulterers. What do you guys think? Is the other woman guilty? Does it make a difference whether the person she cheats with is married, or cohabitating, or just dating someone else? What about the other MAN?
Tags: adultery, cheating, dating, marriage, relationships
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carina the Blogarina on -
I think she is guilty. I wrote a post about just the same subject not to long ago because I was so tired of woman who take part in such relationships claim to be blame free because it's the man who is doing something wrong. I agree, that the man is the betrayer of thrust and that he is mostly at fault BUT the woman has to take responsibility for her actions to. Shouldn't we strive in life to not hurt other and to be generally good people? One can't just dump all the blame and responsibility on others.
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Permalink Reply by Sarah on -
I agree with this.
By knowingly having a relationship with someone who is already committed to someone else, you know you are very likely contributing to another person's heartache and betrayal.
Not OK.
This obviously applies to both men and women.
Cheating is just such a selfish and cowardly behaviour. Best to stay the hell away from it from either end lest karma decides to pay a visit. Or, you know, just to display empathy for your fellow human beings.
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Permalink Reply by Andhari on -
I very much agree with Sarah.
It's not like that I've never been the other woman. I have. And I consciously know that I am as deceitful and wrong as he is. Even if their relationship is having "problems" or something, it doesn't mean we can just get in the middle of the whole thing. I hated myself, thankfully I cut it off completely. I don't wanna be that girl.
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Permalink Reply by Johana Hill on -
100% with y'all girls... ;p
I've never been the other woman. Got asked a couple of times but never succumbed because I know too well how much damage it can wreak. And the hurt you cause in the wake of an affair with a committed man. I like treating people the way I'd like to be treated.
I know someone who's carrying a child of a married man and she told me that she'd kill him if she catches him cheating! So I told her but he's cheating (technically) on you! With his wife! She said she doesn't mind the wife as long as there's no other woman involved. She was very passionate about it. I had to shut up because you can't reason with certain people.
I wouldn't knowingly put myself in a situation like that. Not only it causes hurt but it's self-demeaning. Playing second fiddle is not a passion or hobby of mine.
Well that's my opinion.
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Permalink Reply by Johana Hill on
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Tell me about it! It's a lost cause tryna reason with her.
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Permalink Reply by Anthony Licari on -
I've always seen the act of cheating as a lack in the relationship. Usually its a problem with the person being cheated on, they aren't fulfilling some perceived need. So whether it's this girl or that girl or booze or gambling or whatever, the person will do something to fill the void. I'm not saying its right because its happened to me and yeah the guy pissed me off but ultimately I knew that I wasn't fulfilling something that she wanted and he provided it.
I'm not saying its right, certainly those within the relationship should talk about it before acting out but the person they're cheating with rarely has anything to do with it. Hell I've been told by girls that they're on a break right now and they haven't really talked for a while and sure enough come to find out that they weren't on any sort of break and he was pissed off at me. I had no idea and by the time it came to passing, I was in love with the girl. So what do I do then, just say "Oh you have a boyfriend, I guess I'll just stop talking to you" but the relationship must have been lacking something for her to just lie to her boyfriend and lie to me for her to get what she wanted.
Sure, if you are aware they're in a relationship and what not and you still continue on then you're an asshole but that is the world we live in. People rarely care for others they have no emotional connection to.
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Permalink Reply by Sarah on
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I really disagree with this. While there may well be some "need" that's not being met, I really feel that cheating is most definitely about the person who chooses to cheat and not a problem with the person being cheated on.
I also don't accept the "that's the world we live in" cop out. We can choose to treat each other better than that.
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Permalink Reply by Kat on -
Is that an absolute? I'm curious whether you'd think differently about, say, a marriage where one person has stopped wanting (or being willing) to have sex. For a person who's being denied a need like that (and within a committed relationship, sex is certainly an essential), is he or she still the unequivocal bad guy for seeking it elsewhere?
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Permalink Reply by Carina the Blogarina on
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I think if he loved his wife he would manage to live with out sex. If he can't manage that, get a divorce. Or talk to your wife. Maybe she'll agree to have sex or to an open marriage.. If a person just stops wanting sex then there is something wrong. Probably that person has some issues or problems or pain, and then for the partner just to care about themselves? It is just so selfish. Why can't they talk about it? Why can't they try to figure out together why one doesn't want sex? In a relationship you have top work on every aspect to make it work included sex.
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Permalink Reply by RAY J on -
From experience, that was the biggest problem.
While he had some issues and felt he was getting a lack of something, I had no idea as he didn't really bring it up. I thought things were going great, I had no idea he was feeling unfulfilled about something and felt the need to go elsewhere as he NEVER brought it up.
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