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What makes you fight for someone you love?
I want to know what makes you fight for someone you love, v. just leave it alone and try to move on? This is a very complicated situation. But when we are together everything is right. Even he admits this. Unfortunately we are 5 hours apart for a few more months, and then I don't know what he is doing.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by phampants on -
when you know that no matter what happens, in the end you still love the person. even if u get in an argument, you suck it up and apologize. when you want to do something else, and the person needs u, you'll drop everything. when your heart beats fast when u see the other. when u always think of that person. when u know that in the end, the person means the most to you.
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Permalink Reply by Vanessa on -
My test for a relationship is this: Do you feel better or worse when they are around/you are talking to them (in the case of LDR)? If you're happier when they're around, stay. If you're happier when they're not, leave.
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Permalink Reply by cooper on -
I guess it would depend in how much was already invested in the relationship. There are a lot of situations in which when you are with the person you feel great, but you don't particularly miss them when they are gone.
It really doesn't matter so much what one or the other feels individually if both are not feeling the same thing, unless of course it's a very longstanding relationship
( YEARS AND YEARS) and in that case I'd probably thing differently. If someone is with "other people" while they are not with you then obviously they are ready to on some level move on. I think what sometimes happens is one or the other tries to hang on from habit, and in that case when that person is with you they are happy but quite possibly just as content when they aren't. I don't know enough to really give much of an opinion on this, but it either the beginning of the end or time for a break.
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Permalink Reply by Charlee on -
Ugh, you know, I could use an answer to this question as well!
I ended a relationship a while ago due to geography (more or less), I was quite happy with the decision as I feel I'm too young to be committed to someone that isn't living in the same city. However, he came back into my life recently and spending time with him reminded me of what we have together, and made me question the decision to discard the relationship so thoughtlessly...
My current disposition probably makes my opinion invalid, but I'm inclined to say that if you love someone, it's worth fighting for.
(Of course, I'm also a big advocate for taking a break...)
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Permalink Reply by Brigid on -
The real thing that caught my eye in the post is that you stated "you don't know what he is doing". That to me raises a big red flag. Why don't you TRUST him?
Has he done something in the past to make you not trust him?
And why are you fighting for him? Is it only the distance that is keeping you apart? I have been in long distance relationships before and never had to "fight" for the guy. It seems there is something a lot deeper here that you aren't letting on for whatever reason you may choose.
With me, if I wasn't able to trust the man while we were seperated, there would be no point in trying to move the situation forward. Trust is one MAIN key in any adult relationship. Without it you have nothing.
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Permalink Reply by Charlee on
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I read it as she doesn't know what he is doing in 5 months--as in where he'll be living, what he'll be doing, etc.
But what did you mean by that statement because if you did indeed mean you don't know what his deal is then yes that is definitely a huge red flag, if you don't have trust--particularly when you're not in close proximity to the one you love, then it's probably best to let it go...
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Permalink Reply by Ryann Warlick on -
He's 5 hours away getting his bachelors currently. He graduates in May, and after that he isn't even sure what he will do. He has a job offer about 2 hours away from me, and he's thinking about grad school in the same city as me.
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Permalink Reply by Brigid on
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I totally misread the problem she was having. I thought it was a trust issue.
What I meant was if you are in a relationship and have to know what someone is doing all the time, be it a long distance relationship or not, that is a red flag because the trust of the relationship is lacking.
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Permalink Reply by Ryann Warlick on
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I definitely trust him. I'd like to talk to him all the time, but I want him to be happy and I know he needs his own life to be happy. I just hope it will work out. It just sucks that I know we have to be in the same city to be happy, and I don't know where he will be going next year.
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Permalink Reply by Ben on -
My situation is romantic, I had a close friend who I told everything to, and she told me to **** off, because I commented on a picture, nothing to do with what I said, but just the fact that it was a guy we both know, but she is infatuated with, and he took it down, and after we been close, and her telling me she loved and was her best friend, that's that, i'm trying to patch things up, but getting no response.
It seems so juvenile and ridiculous a thing to fall out over it's unreal, there must sound like there's more to the story if you just read that, but there's not.
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Permalink Reply by Ben on
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Oh, and what makes me fight, is that I still deeply care about this person, and the fact I can't even refer to her as my friend anymore eats me up, it's ridiculous, I want to be there as a friend watch her grow, see how life works out etc,
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Permalink Reply by Charlee on
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That is sad and sweet.
The old "nice guy" thing never fails to pull at my heart strings!
I know you weren't soliciting advice and I know this is perhaps juvenile to suggest, but why not just back off for a while?
The reason I say this is twofold, because people can say all they want about "not playing games" but it is a pretty fundamental law of human interaction that if you're accustomed to a certain threshold level of attention from someone and it drops off, you're going to take notice--upon taking said notice, whether or not she will do anything I do not know, but I'd be willing to bet that she'll start to question her actions...
and if she doesn't? I know it's lame to say, but you're better off. :) :) :)
Not only that, but I'm sure she'd appreciate having some space/time to cool off...I'm the sort of person, especially when the feelings of someone I care about are involved, that likes to take my time with things and there's nothing worse than someone wanting to talk about a conflict or whatever before I'm ready.
So maybe she was just super angry and needs some time...in any case I think continuing to "try to patch things up" is probably not in your best interest--it seems like you've done your part.
I wish you luck though and I'm sorry you're in that situation, it sounds like quite the bummer!
(And really, don't mind my unsolicited two-cents-giving, I'm annoying in the sense that when someone is struggling I have an almost compulsive need to try to help...and I just have a plain old big mouth. :))
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