Having just emerged from a six year relationship with a man I was instantly attracted to, I'm not really sure how I feel about this.
If you meet someone, and you find them interesting and funny and you wouldn't mind getting to know them better, but that immediate physical spark just isn't there, is it fair to agree to go on a date with them in the hope that attraction might develop over time?
What say you, 20-somethings?
Yes. I would still agree to go on a date with a guy that I was not immediately physically attracted to in hopes that attraction might develop over time. Unfortunately, I just learned the hard way that that can backfire in a number of ways.
1) If that guy ends up being a super-mega jerk, I question what I was thinking to make me go out with him in the first place.
2) If the attraction still hasn't developed after, say 2 months, I feel like I've wasted both my time and his.
3) If I never have the chance to allow attraction before the guy starts acting crazy, I find myself being a mean girl (only on the inside) thinking "I don't care how funny he is. I'm definitely not going to date someone who's unattractive AND crazy..."
Will this ultimately change the way I date? No. I'll still give the next not-so-physically-attractive guy a chance. One person's actions don't indicate another person's actions. Sometimes taking a risk leads to the best reward.
haha. Unattractive and crazy. Just my type.
I think this is now my dilemma, how long do you wait to see if something develops? I hate to waste my time or someone else's, you know?
Definitely. Most of the men i date aren't exactly guys you would see on the front page of a magazine with ripped biceps and bulging...well ya know. I go more for personality, nerds turn me on for some reason. Even if i may not be physically attracted to someone at first sight doesn't mean that once they open there mouth I wont want to jump there bones.
So how long would you say you'd wait for that attraction? One date? One month?
One date is a bit quick, although he should start seeming more interesting. One month, well it depends on how many times you meet up in that period. I'd say if after maybe three dates you still don't feel any more attracted and all you feel is this is a nice guy, then it probably won't work.
But it's definitely possible to fall in love with someone you probably wouldn't go googly eyes for whilst passing them on the street. My boyfriend isn't Don Juan, male patterned baldness is starting to reveal itself, and he could probably be fitter, but he's the most romantic guy I've ever met and so great to me and I have so many things in common with him, that I don't give a damn about those silly things, I'm definitely more than attracted now. You start overlooking the less great features and start noticing perhaps what great eyes he has, or strong arms, and cute smile.. and so on.
But I did start feeling that way very quickly after getting to know him in person, so I'd say it probably shouldn't take ages for the attraction to appear or it probably will never happen.
Right on. Three dates seems reasonable. Congrats on finding such a lovely man!
Actually, when I met my fiance, I wasn't really all that attracted to him. I mean, he wasn't a complete troll or anything, he just wasn't the type of guy I normally went for (which at the time, meant guys who were entirely too old for me and had access to good drugs. I was a dumb kid). However, I was 17, he was available and interested, and I sure as hell wasn't going to prom alone. 17-year-old-bitch me had the idea that I would just use him to go to prom and make an ex jealous (which never actually works out well, anyway), and then got emotionally attached.
But now, he's grown out of his 18-year-old awkwardness, and he's actually quite pleasant to look at, LOL. Now it's 10 years later and I'm so glad that I stuck around instead of being the bitch I intended to be. Because now I get to tell funny stories like this.
Cute! Thanks for the insight.
Definatly I find that Im not attracted to people until I know more about them, I wasnt instantly attracted to Darling Dave but when I got to know him and spent time with him he turned out to be the most gorgeous guy in the world inside and out.
saying that someone that made me feel ill to look at ... im not sure that could work :)