Giving the keys

At what point in a relationship do you think it's time to give a copy of the key to your boyfriend or girlfriend? I've been in a relationship for 11 months tomorrow and my boyfriend still doesn't have my key. He comes over all the time, but doesn't stay over all that often. I've been thinking about giving him a copy, but it freaks me out a little. Would it be taken as an invitation to move in? I would like him to stay over more often, but I'm not ready to live with him. In my last relationship, my ex asked for my key right away...next thing I know, he's putting all his stuff at my place, asking for cloest space, and before I knew it, he was living there.

I'm ready for us to be more serious, but I still want to have my one time and space. Does handing the key over take that all away?

Tags: relationships

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Permalink Reply by Abra on June 12, 2009 at 2:39pm

I was given the keys oh... I don't know. Three or four months after we started? I didn't ask for them either. And I never took it as an invitation to move in. I hardly used them, really, except when we locked ourselves out. The situation was a little different, though, because prior to that I was staying over a LOT. We were both really comfortable with where we were in the relationship, and where it was going, so yeah.

I say all this, though, to point out that every relationship is different and no matter how much you describe how your relationship is, only you will know when to take that step. If you don't treat it as a big deal, it probably won't be (meaning he won't take it as an invitation to move in).

So I'm rereading what you/I both wrote. If you want him to stay over more often, why don't you just ask him to stay over more often? I don't think that single request would be clearly translated through key giving anyway.

Permalink Reply by the.lifestyle.artist on June 15, 2009 at 4:18am

Hi Dani,

there sno problem with giving hima key but you have to not have any expectations about what that means to him. Ppl have different views on commitment levels and what they mean. I would say be honest and talk about your fears. One way would be to reinforce how your ex treated the key giving as an invitation to move in or refer to another couple (make it ip if they don't exist) that it happened to and how u would feel if a guy invaded your space like and what giving a a key to a partner would mean to you or what you would want it to mean. then ask him what he thinks and if he agrees... then move the conversation into if i gave you a key would you understand what my intention was and would he like one. then go get the keys cut together ;)

or just drop one in his lap a few weeks later and say "no w i know i can trust you and we are in the same level"

or something like that.

the most important thing here is to "communicate your expectations " in a positive way and reward him whan he gets them and respects them

hopefully it makes sense ;) good luck!

L xoxo

Giving the keys

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