Dating as a Christian

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Permalink Reply by Nicole Neesby on November 23, 2011 at 5:50pm

Husband and I actually met in China while working with orphans.  That's the easy answer.  It was a hard go though.  I am from Iowa and him from LA.  We only saw each other in China at the summer camps and once or twice in the states for organizational retreats.  He likes another girl.  I pretty much had no shot.

God had other ideas.  After being friends for almost four years, we got married this June.  It wasn't an easy road.  Lots of tears, loneliness, crying out to God, questions.  But God has a plan.  That is only thing you can hold onto.  Even when that is the last thing you wanna hear.  I know. :)

I would just encourage you to do what you love.  Serve God.  Get plugged.  Develop good relationships with the guys you interact with.  Then pray like crazy.  

 

I know I don't know you, but I will be praying.  This is such a tough area of life when you are waiting and desiring that relationship.  You are so brave to move and get plugged into a new place!

 

Sorry if I was too preachy.  That is never fun. :)  If you ever wanna chat more, shoot me an email nicole.neesby@gmail.com

 

Happy happy thanksgiving to you dear!

nicole

 

www.theneesbylookbook.blogspot.com

Permalink Reply by Bri Poster on December 4, 2011 at 10:31pm

I have chosen not to date at the present time. I have had too many occasions where I met a guy and started dating them without really knowing them (and 2 = too many for me). I don't want to do that to myself because it really messes with my emotions. So instead of fixating on finding guys to date, I am simply looking for friendship. From there, it can take its own course!

Permalink Reply by SavvyD on December 22, 2011 at 3:39am

It is ok to date someone to get to know if you want to keep dating them.  Alot of people don't like the idea of "friends first" because just as many people have been hurt by pining away for a close friend who doesn't see them in a special way.

I jumped right into dating the man I am with now.  I looked very closely at the way he treated me and if I was comfortable with him.  How you feel around a person is more important than faith to me.  I have dealt with too many asshole Christian guys.

Permalink Reply by SavvyD on December 22, 2011 at 3:36am

Follow your heart.  People will tell you a million hyperspiritual things, but only YOU can decide FOR YOURSELF what works in your life.  For some reason, we expect ourselves to date perfectly, but life isn't neat like that.

And, you should read my blog about dating issues, www.SavvySingleChristian.blogspot.com.  I have some advice I have posted on there.  This is one of my favorite entries.  Biblical Ways of Knowing She's the One:

http://savvysinglechristian.blogspot.com/2007/09/biblical-ways-of-k...

Permalink Reply by Lisbeny Duran on January 5, 2012 at 11:56pm

i personally have chosen not to date. many people consider it a play on words when they say date vs courting. I prayed to God since i was saved that my first boyfriend would be my husband; i don't want to go through the heartbreak of a failed relationship. Of course, God has been faithful! lol. been living single for the 25 years of my life. I agree with what someone said here, slightly, about not being friends first and simply being clear from the start that your interest isn't for friendship but for a relationship. I think each situation is different of course (Nicole's now-husband was into someone else, they rarely saw each other, etc.) but i know of relationships that went from meeting to discussing a future within a few weeks, no "friends" zone for them. the circumstances will determine the relationship. I write about things like this and more things that plague the "Quarter-Aged Christian" on my blog www.thequarteragedchristian.wordpress.com. be blessed all! i love topics like this :} 

Permalink Reply by Tabs on January 11, 2012 at 7:24pm

I went through a lot of shitty relationships because I went by what the world said. After college, I took a four year hiatus from dating to figure out why things were so bad and what I should be doing.

First thing, I would look at WHY you want to date that person, and what your expectations are. My first relationship after my hiatus was with a non-Christian. I wasn't looking for anything really serious, and neither was he. For me, it was like a practice round -- I had never really dated anyone who actually LIKED me and wanted to be with me, and I knew I needed to know what it was like to have a healthy relationship. We had a lot in common -- but the fact he wasn't a Christian made it really difficult at times. The relationship was prolonged longer than it should have been, but in the end, it was fun, and I learned what I needed from it. When we broke up, I was over it pretty quickly because I kept my heart guarded knowing it was not serious.

Once we broke up and I knew *I* was ready for a serious relationship, the first thing I did was sit down and rewrote my list of things that I needed in a guy, etc. While many may think it's silly, it is really important, especially as a Christian -- most people don't actually sit down and configure what they need in a relationship for it to function well for both parties. I threw in silly little things that I wanted too, but knew it wouldn't be a big deal if the guy didn't have it. Once I finished writing it, I set it aside and didn't look at it again.

Going into a relationship, after we talked about both liking each other, wanting to pursue a relationship, we sat down and talked about our expectations, the things we wanted out of life, the way we lived our faith, our needs etc -- to make sure that they aligned. The biggest thing I learned is if the things you want in life don't align, but you want a serious relationship that's going somewhere, it is ALWAYS going to end badly. For me, at this point in time, I decided I was done with random dating and I wanted something that *could* lead to marriage, so I knew if what we wanted out of life didn't align, there really was no point in us dating.

Once we started dating, our biggest thing has been making sure we spend time together with God, go to church together, etc. Our faith is a huge part of each of our lives, which makes it an important part of our life together.

As far as how to date as a Christian -- there is no perfect equation. Different people have different stories and different paths. But the big thing is always make sure you want the same things. 

I would give a warning though -- be wary of the idea that just because you date a Christian man, he'll be the one you marry, or that just because things feel right THEN that you're going to spend your lives together. Too many Christians fall under that spell and end up broken and bitter.

Permalink Reply by Chris Caputi on January 21, 2012 at 1:58pm

As a Christian I have truly struggled in dating. I mostly realized that when I would find a nice Christian girl I realized after some time together they were lairs and cheaters just like non-Christian girls. Now I am not saying all girls are like this, I really believe that this world got to them and they felt they weren't getting what they wanted, so they did everything in their power to break my heart. These experiences have gave me a bad view of Christians, and how a lot struggle to realize that God needs to be number one in their lives. I am not giving up on love, but as of now I don't feel the need to be dating. God will never lie to me or break my heart because of worldly objects. I am not giving up I guess I am waiting for someone to prove me wrong. I am waiting for a girl that will put God first and show me that I can trust her. In the end there has been a lot of heart break on my part, but I am not giving up.

http://www.injacksownwords.blogspot.com

Permalink Reply by SavvyD on January 31, 2012 at 4:33pm

Well, I was never a liar or a cheater, so I do take a little bit of offense.  While you may have been hurt by the baddies, you should still give dating a chance.

Permalink Reply by Yaa Yaa on January 30, 2012 at 8:23pm

Dating as a Christian is difficult. Dating as a heathen is difficult. Dating as an atheist is difficult. Dating is difficult period. Christian dating is not that much different from any other kind of dating. Perhaps the only difference is the higher standards that we've been called to live by. Being chaste when you really want to give into your desires. There are so many books written on this topic, so many different theologies on this topic, opinions, beliefs, ideas, lifestyle, and you can look at them all (such as: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" - book by Joshua Harris; "Love, Sex, Dating" - video series by Adam Stanley of Buckhead Church")

But at the end of the day, my suggestions are simple: (a) know what your standards are and do NOT compromise them. (b) if it don't feel right, don't try to save 'em just get out (c) be the type of person you're hoping to attract

Permalink Reply by A girl with a smile on February 8, 2012 at 3:03pm

I met him at a Christian University we both attended.
Christian dating is not easy or as magical people make it sound life. But it's worth it!
We're still courting
http://www.prettyladysmiles.com/