Is there really a faithful Christian girl out there that is looking for a nice Godly man?

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Permalink Reply by Kayleigh Nikolai on January 21, 2012 at 3:26pm

Oh Chris, don't give up!! I could imagine that finding a "good Christian girl" is just as hard as it is to find a "good Christian guy!" This is coming from a girl who used to be consumed with trying to be a "good Christian" instead of focusing on Christ and and on Bible. Something I have learned in my search for the man that God has for me is that I cannot take guys at face value. It is so easy to say "Yea, I'm a Christian" but then not saying anything. When someone's heart is on the Lord it should consume them and shine out and you should just KNOW. You should know because the person lives that kind of life and cannot help but talk about the Lord because Jesus is most important to them. God isn't reserved for Sundays for them. I once told a friend who made different life decisions than me that if God meant for me to be married I could stay sitting on a bench and He would bring that man to me. While as an adult I realize the need to be proactive...that concept is generally still true. We just need to work on ourselves and our walk with God and someday God will bring our significant others to us. As a Christian woman, I would like to change what you said a little bit. It may take the good guys longer to finish....but if they are focused on the Lord they get the best endings! I hope that is encouraging to you. Hang in there, but know that it is just as hard for girls...even if that is hard for you to see right now!

Permalink Reply by Chris Caputi on January 21, 2012 at 10:52pm

Don't worry I haven't given up, but it's like I am sidelined for the moment. I hope one day I will find that right girl.

Permalink Reply by Melissa Brander on January 21, 2012 at 5:57pm

I think there is. I mean, coming from my perspective, I'm a good Christian girl already married to a nice Godly man (and I wouldn't have it any other way). I don't think you should give up looking, because I almost gave up looking and decided I was ready for those "bad boys" and later on, after meeting my husband, realized those bad boys would have ruined me. I don't know how someone who claims to love God can do that to people, but I do know that no matter what, there isn't going to be a perfect person, Christian or no, out there because Jesus was the only one who will ever be perfect here on earth. Sometimes when you go through a series of bad relationships (and I've been there - trust me I have), it's easy to seem hopeless, but this isn't the end. You're still a 20-something - that means you still have so much life ahead of you. I have guy friends who have asked the same questions you're asking now in the past who are now with wonderful ladies - so I think they still are out there. I bet there are girls (in fact, I know there are! among my circle of friends) who have asked themselves the same question only about whether or not there was really still a nice Godly man out there. Don't give up - maybe take some time and do some things you want to do and you never know when you will meet the right person on accident. 

Permalink Reply by Chris Caputi on January 21, 2012 at 10:58pm

Yeah, I understand that nobody is perfect, and I have forgiven all of them. The worst thing I can think is since they did those things to me most fell away from Christ. I understand it wasn't my fault, I treated them with the love and the respect they deserved. but some times I feel like I could have done something more to change that. Thanks for your words. I think I am just going to be sidelined for awhile, and like you said God will place the right girl in my life.

Permalink Reply by Melissa Brander on January 21, 2012 at 11:06pm

At the end of the day, as hard as it is, people make their own choices, no matter how much you care about them. Hang in there :) God's always got a plan (just we don't know what it is and it doesn't always match up with our plan, but isn't it reassuring to know that yes, he does have a plan). 

Permalink Reply by Chris Caputi on January 21, 2012 at 11:03pm

I understand that a lot of guys are this same way, but there are guys out there that truly care, and have that Christ love in their hearts. I love that your willing to tell me what you think.

Permalink Reply by Tabs on January 24, 2012 at 1:53pm

I have a huge response to this, but haven't had the time yet to write it out... but hope you check back when I do :)

Permalink Reply by Chris Caputi on January 27, 2012 at 1:39pm

okay.

Permalink Reply by Tabs on January 28, 2012 at 5:41pm

I think your generalizing a bit too much here -- as well as forgetting that for a girl, finding a good, Christian man is just as hard as a guy finding a good, Christian girl. In my dating experiences, I was hurt more and treated far worse by the Christian men I dated than I ever was the non-Christian. They spewed ideals of how if we dated we were destined for marriage, set me up with ideas that we were soulmates, only to treat me terribly, tell me lies about how 'God told them to treat me that way' and leave me heartbroken. They appealed to the things that they knew I was looking for as a Christian woman and manipulated me through it.

First thing -- if you have been in that many bad relationships than you need to stop, take a step back from dating and do some soul and God searching -- you need to take time to figure out what it is you need in a relationship and what it is you want in a woman. People, especially Christians, tend to treat dating like they're going shoe shopping. They see something they like, feel a connection and automatically think that it means it's the right fit, when its not.

Secondly, we all get so caught up in this dating stuff that we tend to forget that we need to be comfortable with it just being God and us first, before bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend in the mix.

While I wouldn't suggest everyone take as long a hiatus as I did from dating (four years... *sigh*), I would suggest taking a hiatus. Take that time to really focus on you and God, and on learning how to wait for the ones He leads you to.

There are lots of us faithful, Christian girls out there looking for a good Christian man. But when you're not looking in the right directions, your going to look right past us, just like we end up looking right past all the good, Christian men.

After taking that time, I learned a lot of clarity about how to choose who to date and who not to date, and what to look for in a partner. Not dating was hard. Probably the hardest thing I've done. But it gave me that time to find out who it is I need, how to be content with just God and I, and how to look for the right things in someone. It's only been just over a year and a half since I rejoined the dating world. My first relationship right out of it lasted twice as long as any relationship I had been in prior. And while it didn't work out, it was a healthier relationship and we split ways as friends. The next relationship, turned out to be the right one. We've been together for six months, and he is a good, strong Christian man who fit everything I was looking for. 

As long as you look out with the bitter eye though, you will keep missing what you're looking for, because you've painted us all with the same brush. When you take that time to get to know you and God together first, and let God teach you what it is you need, you're going to look at the women you encounter in an entirely different way and will be able to see what it is you are looking for.

Permalink Reply by Robin on January 29, 2012 at 9:56pm

Yes, there are Christian girls that are looking for nice Godly men - I was one of them until I met my husband. Don't give up. A lot of these girls are currently being frustrated and hurt by other men, several of whom will claim to be Godly. Hopefully you will soon be the one who shows them happiness. I understand the hurt you have gone through. Most of the people who have hurt me - not just guys, but friends as well - are the ones who talk about loving Jesus and write on their Facebook profiles about the Bible.

Permalink Reply by Ris on January 31, 2012 at 7:39am

I think there are many who've been just as hurt and jaded. As for whether people who love God hurt others? You bet. All the time. Being saved doesn't make us any less human (and stupid). Sad to say.

I don't think you should give up on the idea of finding someone. You have -no- idea how many Christian girls are longing for a man who doesn't just want to get into their pants. But I don't think you have to run around with something akin to a metal detector trying to find a girl either. I think you should keep growing in Christ and trust Him to pull you and your future partner together at the right time and place in your lives. Because if He's not in the equation, it's going to be an ugly ride - regardless of who you and your partner are. If it's not the right time, if one or both of you still needed to learn and grow in God on your own, and you get together it might be just as damaging.

Don't despair. Your girl might just be in the process of being made ready for you and you for her.

Permalink Reply by SavvyD on January 31, 2012 at 5:01pm

I'm also going to post this on my blog... www.SavvySingleChristian.blogspot.com

 

It's interesting, I heard that complaint from a so-called "nice guy" who said he didn't start getting attention from women until he started acting like a jerk.  Well, I dumped him because he was a jerk and I don't date jerks.  He still thinks he's a nice guy, but in truth he wasn't.  Just because a guy has been nice to the women who he has liked and haven't liked him back doesn't mean a guy is actually a nice guy.  Just because a girl says a guys is really nice but she doesn't like him like that still doesn't mean he's actually a nice guy.  You sound bitter and angry - those aren't "nice guy" qualities.

 

Here's my advice-

 

1. Ask someone out.  If she says yes, go out.  Observe her behavior.  If you have a good time, ask her out again.  If you don't don't.  Repeat.  Do it with the idea of a probationary period and don't let your feelings get the best of you. 
2. Don't rush into making a commitment.  Give yourself space to do your own thing, but call when you say you will call and honor your commitments.  This isn't a "game" and it isn't to "keep her on her toes" this is FOR YOU. This is what I do as a female.
3. If girls are falling for "bad boys" they are immature and possibly young, but the one thing some of these "bad boys" have that "nice guys" don't is a certain level of social ease.  Date women of various ages.  Older might be better or at least more mature.
4. Put some of your emotional chips into your career.  Often men find satisfaction and confidence from having a solid career.
5. Up your confidence level through good grooming and sharp dressing.  It will make you more attractive because you look better and feel more confident.
6. Plan dates that you like and see how she responds.  Does she complain about everything?  Does she have opinions?  Do really like listening to what she says?  This will let you know if you have anything in common.  My current boyfriend loves art, art films, martial arts, and antiquing.  He has taken me to see martial arts films - which I like.

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