Relationships die in graduate school?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by neena rae on April 20, 2010 at 12:28pm

hmm...in my case I'm in a long distance relationship so I think the distance is what makes it more stressful not being in school. But it can be difficult if your partner doesn't have an understanding of what kind of time commitment it will be for you. This is even harder when dating someone who isn't in pursuit of higher ed or doesn't value education as much as you do. But it certainly has the potential to be a strain for relationships period. I don't get to see or talk to my friends and family as much as I'd like because my time is quickly consumed by work, class or just being exhausted and wanting to not be bothered :) I'm kinda lucky that my friends are professionals, have been to grad school and are in grad school right now. THat HELPS tremendously and we try to have phone conferences whenever we can bc none of us are in the same city right now. It all comes down to time management and talking to folks before actually start classes I guess, so they know what to expect and don't think you're just being rude.

Permalink Reply by Diana Antholis on November 15, 2010 at 10:30pm

I think grad school has the make-it or break-it effect. I did a 10 month Masters program that was incredibly intense. I had lived with my boyfriend one year prior to starting school and we moved across the country for me. Because I had 7-week semesters with no break, I gave my all to school (which I think you should especially for an advanced degree). Unfortunately, I neglected him a bit too much. He was very supportive of school but also wanted to feel like my boyfriend. He, of course, didn't communicate this right away so we didn't get to really talk about the problem until I was almost done with the program. Luckily, we were able to work it out and now we are stronger than ever. We both realized our faults and that I have to handle stress better and he couldn't let his confusion about his job be reflected on me.
Long story short - I think that as long as you are open and communicative - everything will be fine. Also, make time for the little things. Remind your partner that you are there for them - plan date nights - but plan time together where you focus only on that person and are not thinking about school. The problem with grad school vs. working is that school, papers, presentations, etc. are ALWAYS on your mind. You just have to learn how to manage your thoughts and time effectively.
Grad school not only educated me on the subject, but on who I was as a person.

Permalink Reply by cooper on December 29, 2010 at 9:57pm

I am just done with a three year dual masters, and as of last summer I did end a relationship. I was one of the last ones in my program to end a relationship, most ended a year and a half or two year in. I know of one person who got divorced as well. I don't know of anyone married in my program, but we were a young group, most of us in our early twenties and this is not at all unusual as far as I can see.

 

I think relationships are about timing, so it makes perfect sense to me that many relationship fall during grad school, just as they fall during medical school. I was talking to a friend of mine in her final year of medical school and the relationship destruction their seems commonplace.

Permalink Reply by Emma Chace on March 26, 2011 at 4:48pm

I was in a relationship last September when I started my MBA and I was single by December.  However, I'm better for it and grad school made me realize he was not what I was looking for.

Permalink Reply by Lozzz123 on July 20, 2011 at 5:53am

When I started my PhD I was already in a long term relationship, and now in my 3rd year we're married and it's going fine. I think it helps if you're already with the person long term, but I do agree that starting something from scratch would be quite hard.

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