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Pressured to have kids?
Does anyone else feel pressured to have kids that don't already have any?
My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. Most of that time we have spent apart. First he was deployed to Iraq for a year, now he's been in another state attending A school for several months.
Both my sisters in law are pregnant and both of our families are very traditional. They think it is natural to get married and start having kids.
We are not that way. I don't want to rush into having kids and being tied down. We will start traveling as soon as his school is finished. I'm much younger than he is and I feel like my life hasn't really started yet. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I know it doesn't involve kids just yet.
Don't get me wrong. I love kids. I spent 4 years working as a 2 year old teacher. I'd just like to have some fun and enjoy being married before I start the family thing.
Anyone else feel this way?
By the way, here's my blog if you'd like to check it out. http://lanimays.blogspot.com/
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carrie A Groff on -
Yes, I completely understand how you are feeling. My husband and I will be married 4 years this August and everyone keeps asking us when we are having kids. I don't understand why everything thinks that after a couple gets married that they automatically are going to start having kids. My husband and I enjoy our time together and really don't want to have kids right now. We are even thinking that we may never want kids. We are working on growing our home business so he can retire from his job (before he turns 30 is our goal) and then we want to move to the beach and travel. Neither of us want to "settle" down yet and start having kids.
Carrie A Groff
http://livingahealthybeachlife.blogspot.com -
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Permalink Reply by Lani Mays on -
I'd love to have a business with my husband! Although the Navy takes up all his time! I'm looking into eventually starting up a small jewelry business. My husband is very supportive of me and wants to help me go back to school and is excited for anything I want to try. We have such a great relationship that I don't want to end it by having our lives revolve around kids just yet.
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Permalink Reply by Classy Career Girl on -
My husband and I have been married for 4 years with no kiddos yet. You are not alone! Don't worry:) Enjoy your time together!
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Permalink Reply by Carrie A Groff on
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Having a business with my husband is so much fun, Lani :-) I hear of many women that have very unsupportive husbands and I don't understand why. I think it's great when a woman wants to be an entrepreneur and help make money. It's great that your husband is supportive of you and your endeavours.
I feel the same way you do...I love our time together and I know that "everything changes" after having kids and I'm definately not ready for everything to change :-)
Keep me informed on your jewelry business adventure! -
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Permalink Reply by Carrie Barr on -
I got married at 18 (2 days shy of my 19th birthday) and so many people thought we were getting married because we were pregnant. I hate that family members are so presumptuous as to pressure us to have children. I don't really feel that pressure (yet). I've made it clear to those who have asked that we are waiting till I'm in my last 20s to early 30s. Even then we are very doubtful that we will have our own, we so badly want to adopt. I don't know if I'm weird, but I have no desire to go through the miracle of child bearing.
We are like you, we want to travel. And we'd like to be very financially secure before a child is brought into the house. It seems almost irresponsible to have children before you can provide them with everything. If I were you, I would inform them that you are not prepared for children right now and that it is, respectfully, none of their business as to when you and your husband make this huge decision. -
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Permalink Reply by Sarah Collins on -
I so understand...my husband and I have pretty much decided not to have children. Certain family members make comments geared towards making me feel guilty about it, and I constantly get the "when are you guys going to have a baby?" question. Sometimes I feel like my friends with babies think they are more "grown up" than me, when I think that it's the opposite...they have kids because they just think it's the thing to do...I have not yet or will never because I've actually put some thought into it. And, I am a Pre-K teacher, so I get a full dose on a daily basis! I've been told that couples without children have a stronger bond, and much lower divorce rate.
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Permalink Reply by Holly B on -
As a Navy wife, I feel totally looked down upon in the military community because we don't have kids. All these women do is seem to get pregnant one kid after the other.
Sadly, I have been dealing with infertility for years. Just this past year I have been getting regular treatment to try and have a baby. We really really want one, we just can't seem to get pregnant. And it's horrible, especially when all the wives I meet, save 2 or 3, have all gotten pregnant or have already given birth within last year. -
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Permalink Reply by Plum on -
It's almost a daily thing. I get it from my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, my own mother, my father, my sister, several of my friends, and even my grandpa started in on me a few days ago.
I cannot get through a conversation with most people without getting a nudge-nudge about kids. The husband and I are both 27, been married four years. But we're not done spoiling ourselves, so we just ignore it.
...For now. Muaha
Okay, so maybe baby time is fast approaching. Whatever, I'm not telling them that. -
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Permalink Reply by Leslie Knight on
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My husband and I have been married for two years today. Our families are perfectly content with our not having children yet. In fact, they tell us to wait (and we agree!). However, people we work with and acquantinces of ours wonder why we don't have kids. They also wonder why we do not want kids right now. We try to explain our reaons, but they all struggle with understanding how we couldn't want kids. And honestly, we might never want to have kids. We figure we are only in our mid-twenties and have years ahead of us.
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Permalink Reply by Jamy S. on -
My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 years, but the first 2 he spent traveling all over the globe for work. I saw him maybe 1 week out of the month. We moved so he could take a less travel-heavy job, and now he has a 2+ hour commute each way - as if I see he more now? I don't think so.
I'm 28.5, and both my mom and mother-in-law each had at LEAST 1 kid by now. Apparently there's something wrong with not being ready yet. Didn't they always tell us to make wise decisions instead of rushing into things? I swear if my mom says one more time "I guess I just have to accept that I may never have grandbabies," I'm going to drive my car into a lake.
It's not that we don't WANT kids, we just can afford them (money, time, devotion, etc) right now. Can't they appreciate that we're making these decisions like rational adults, rather than a kid in a pet store saying "I want one cause it's cute?" When did this become all about them?
I feel your stress! -
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Permalink Reply by E on -
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and this year was the first time we started talking seriously about getting pregnant. I think it's a much better approach to delay kids until both are financially and emotionally ready regardless of pressure put upon us by family members and friends.
I was lucky because my family is very non-invasive and my friends are all my age and just recently married (26), so only one of my friends has a baby, the rest are taking the baby making seriously and not rushing into it.
We're ready to start trying in january and I just started a blog about it, so if anyone is interested, feel free to subscribe and leave comments. I'm looking for new friends.
www.prebabyblog.com -
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Permalink Reply by Samantha Evans on -
Oh, so much pressure from the Hubby's side. My sister-in-law is starting to try for #2, brother-in-law got snipped so he's not having anymore (he only has one), and my other sister in law can't have kids. So far I have 3 nieces, and my in-laws are DYING for a grandson (especially since my husband is the only one left to carry on the family name).
But, Ditto many people here, we were married 6 months when my hubby went to Afghanistan for a year, and now he's back, but we don't really know for how long, and he doesn't want to miss out on all the first baby moments. Plus we love to travel, Vegas being one of our favorite weekend getaways (not really baby friendly).
For the time being we're just happy being us, and we've decided, rather than adding to the pressure, we're just going to go with the "we're not trying to have kids, just not trying not to" mindset this year, and see where that takes us. We would hate to suddenly find ourselves in the position where we're doing a job trying to get knocked up, not having fun, because I think that would be more stressful than anything else.
At least I'm the oldest child and grandchild on my side. My family isn't really ready for me to have a kid yet :)
Sam
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