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Getting along with the other wives
Hello all!
Just need some advice, I have been having a hard time with some of the other wives from my husband's co-workers.
The biggest problem is that I wouldn't normally care, but we live in Hawaii which is light years away from home and the locals are so family oriented it is hard to be close friends with any of the locals because they pretty much cast off people who aren't related to them.
I have been here for about a year and a half now and I haven't really made any good friends which bothers me the most when my husband is away. I have met a few of the wives and we are Facebook friends but they always have something snotty to say to me (last christmas one wife told me that my husband SHOULD be working Christmas because I don't matter, granted, we weren't married yet but it was my first year on the island away from all family and I was venting on Facebook and she wrote this long message about how I am lucky that I got to see him before he went to work).
I was close friends with one wife only to find out she was telling others that my marriage won't last and that I am a horrible person and a liar all because I changed our plans because I was sick.
I just need some advice, I mean is it even worth it to try and just roll the drama off? Or should I just continue to play games with these bored women?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joslin Williams on -
I completely understand your frustrations. I'm not only a military wife, I'm also from Hawaii. It might be hard to get close with the locals, but once you're in you're like family. If you're a religious person, I highly recommend finding a good off base church to make connections.
It seems like military wives are particularly vicious. Keep being genuine and don't allow yourself to get sucked into the backstabbing. Don't play their games. Just be you and (this is the hardest part) don't let them get to you. That wife you talked about is obviously a sad lonely woman who gets some sort of sick satisfaction in bringing others down. Unfortunately there's a lot of people like that in our world. Chances are she's done this before and everyone knows that she's a lying sack of....well...you know.
Keep searching for those spouses that are actually supportive. They're out there, I promise. Maybe get away from the group your husband works with. Just because he likes the guys doesn't mean you have to like their wives. Hope things get better.
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Permalink Reply by Brittany Laccetti on -
Thanks! I will keep that in mind. It's so hard going from having a bunch of close friends tho having my cat haha
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Permalink Reply by Joslin Williams on
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Definitely.
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Permalink Reply by AdrienneRose on -
Hi Brittany, I am sorry you're not able to find the good friends. I know what it's like to be away from home with your husband. Last year were were in Korea, and now we are in Germany and husband will be 'going to work' in the spring... lol.
Anyway, honestly, you shouldn't be upset at all when your husband has to work because it's his job. It's just what they do. lol. So if he has to work on christmas, oh well. Maybe we can celebrate it next week, or the week prior instead. You have to be flexible.It is much harder to find friends now that were 'adults'. For me, I am SUPER picky with my friends. I will hang out with them a couple of times before I decide whether or not I want to deal with this kind of person. (sometimes it doesn't take a couple of times for me to figure it out). Like I said, I am highly picky with my friends.
You have to put yourself out there though. Try and get involved with your FRG, there is bound to be at least ONE person that you would get along with there. And I personally, do not, get along with people my age. So I focus my efforts on some people who are a bit older than me. I know it's hard. But just find something you love doing, do that, and find people who like doing that too. Maybe take a class, or an art class, or a fitness class. Or something, you can find people who like doing the same thing as you that way. -
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Permalink Reply by Brittany Laccetti on
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I know it's his job, but I was upset last year because he had it off of work so we went out and got a bunch of food and invited people over. Then 2 days before Christmas someone called his command to complain about how her husband shouldn't have to work on Christmas and how the guys who are unmarried should be working. Then wam bam all of a sudden he had to go stand duty for someone else. I feel more bad for him because that seems to happen a lot with his command here.
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Permalink Reply by Nichole Call on -
I agree with AdrienneRose! You have to be willing to put yourself out there. Join groups even look to volunteer. I remember when i first moved across country. I threw myself into groups, squadron functions and i felt so out of place but friendships take time, I've been in Washington now for 2 years and I'm so active that i drive myself crazy sometimes but i've created strong friendships and now i'm having to face that my close my friends are now PCSing:-( So its start all over again and reaching out to new people that come! Stay positive and strong like the woman you are! I'm a little jealous you are in Hawaii! Enjoy and remember its not forever:-) Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Brittany Laccetti on
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I completely agree that it's hard knowing that the friendships you DO make are not normal friendships because you are expecting to only really be there for each other for a short period of time.
I know I wrote this post a couple of months ago, but things have definitely gotten better. I started school in January and I met people outside of the military world to connect with through classes and clubs on campus.
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