Is Commitaphobia the Root of All Quarter-Life Crises?

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Permalink Reply by Karen Elaine on May 10, 2010 at 11:15pm

Interesting...I'm not sure this is it for me, but maybe. I am usually ok with commitment - and I sure would welcome it coming from a spouse, or just a boyfriend! I do think most of my QLC stems from fear of being stuck though. I have avoided moving out of my crappy apartment because I don't want to sign a new lease; because I want to be able to leave whenever I want....I don't think its so much the fear of commitment so much as its a fear that I will still be living alone in a crappy apartment a few years down the road.

In my early twenties I moved every summer (within the same town) and had at least 2 jobs at all times, and was never settled. I like being more settled now, and love that I've had the same full time job for almost 3 years. I've been attending the same church my whole life - one of my goals for this year is actually to visit some new ones...I love my church, but I feel like maybe for me to grow, I need to seek out a new environment. And well, my problem with committing to a gym stems more from my lazy tendencies!

I feel like my response is a bit disjointed. I'll have to think about this some more!

Permalink Reply by Mounting Counting (anonymous) on May 10, 2010 at 11:18pm

I think you've nailed it in a way. My dream is to write for a living (TV sitcoms, dark comedies etc) but I am afraid to commit to a Plan B career. I won't even apply for a decent 9-5 because I don't want to commit to a long term full-time job unless it seems directly in line with my fuzzy career goals.

Permalink Reply by Laundramatic on June 12, 2010 at 8:44am

Commitment is a word that implies something permanent and long-term. For the 20-somethings who have, thus far, experienced a life in short stages (high school, college, internship, part-time job, grad school, dating), it is the fear of finally allowing themselves to say.... "this is where i am going to work/live for the next 10 years" or "this is the person I plan on dating long-term/marrying". Us 20-somethings are selfish, in a way, because we don't wanna settle on something less than the best, but that's exactly why we're also so indecisive.

-L

Permalink Reply by Shaz on July 9, 2010 at 10:13am

Hi Rachel,

this is definitely true for me, I am currently studying counselling and it has taken me many years to decide that this is the career i want - I am however looking into different branches of it and also considering my options. Whilst we live in a world of so many opportunities, never has there been more pressure for us to pick the right one - the right career , the right partner , the right lifestyle etc and alot of people can be paralysed by the fear of committing to the wrong option. So i completely agree with what you have said.

- S

Permalink Reply by Emily Johnson on August 6, 2010 at 12:44am

I strongly agree with Laundramatic's reply. Our generation has been told we could be anything we wanted to be from day one. We are also confronted with an endless list of options for our lives. No generation yet has had so much freedom! And yet, I believe it is that very freedom that cripples many of us. We want the best! And yet, how are WE supposed to know what the best is amongst all the choices? There is no way! We are still so very young. Our parents and grandparents had such a different perspective. Instead of feeling anxious, pressured, and worried about correctly choosing the best option, they were working their damndest just to get achieve a few of the simple aspects of life that we pretty much take for granted today, i.e. a steady paycheck, a few kids, a house, a car, insurance, a few extra bucks to haul the family on a summer vacation...

How were they happy with so much less? Well, because sometimes less really is more...

Permalink Reply by 20SomethingJourney on February 1, 2011 at 4:53pm

OMg yeah, I can't commit to plans even 2 days in advance because I change my mind in the moment about what I want to do.

www.20somethingjourney.com

Permalink Reply by The Real Post Grad on February 16, 2011 at 9:00pm

I have the exact same problem. Stability puts my mind at ease, like keeping the same house for three years instead of moving after a lease ends like every friend I have. But when I had to sign for two years I freaked out. 

 

Let me know if you find a solution. 

 

www.therealpostgrad.com

Permalink Reply by Ada I on February 21, 2011 at 8:50pm

I don't know that I'm afraid of commitment, but there's nothing I hate more than having to make a decision. Hate it, hate it, hate it!  Or maybe I'm don't. You decide! ;)

Permalink Reply by Angelica Allegreta on February 23, 2011 at 1:48am

That is a great great question. And, I think you may be onto something, however speaking from my lateish 20's (I am 27..ugh), I will say that in just the last year, I have become more comfortable with "settling in." This was a huge deal for me since I moved across the country when I was 23 to get as far away from this concept as possible. Eventually, you feel like you have evolved enough that it's okay to give into a little bit of commitment...

Permalink Reply by Kiara Joy Gilbert on February 25, 2011 at 4:51pm

This is true in many ways for me. Every day I find something new that I want to do with my life. Right now, that's going to school to get my associates, and then my bachelors, in English and becoming a baby planner - two very different things. I have so many different interests, but I haven't been able to find anything that I believe I'll be happy doing for the rest of my life. So my fear is I'll commit to something, only to want to do something else.

 

I have kids, so staying in one place, location-wise, is important to me. I hate moving my kids around, and we've had to move two times in the last six months (something my five-year-old is acting out against). My kids also make me be a lot more picky about who I date, and it's made me question if I'm setting my sights too high. At the same time, I don't want to settle for someone whose a great father to my two kids, but who there's no passion with. I don't want to commit to a guy unless there's fireworks and respect on both sides, but sometimes I feel like I should.