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David
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Allow Yourself To Be Unbalanced By Love

"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." - Elizabeth Gilbert

Remember that. Better yet, live that.

Everywhere you turn lately people are talking about finding balance in life. From religious sects, spiritual leaders and life coaches to blogs, books and even the movies. Elizabeth Gilbert’s New York Times Best Selling Book "Eat Pray Love" recently made the move from chick lit to chick flick, but her story isn’t new. Here is yet another tale of a woman wanting to flee from her life as she goes through a quarter-life crisis. During this mental and emotional meltdown, she divorces her husband and purchases countless self-help books. When those fail to fix what she deems broken, she decides to quit her job, sells everything she owns and runs away to unfamiliar worlds (Italy, India and Bali). In these foreign lands she will live for a year (4 months in each) with hopes she will "find herself." Sure, strong Miss Independent women are highly attractive to me and there is something inherently sexy about traveling abroad. However, as I sat in the theater with my sister (brother brownie points to me for taking her to a chick flick) and she marveled at the exquisite food, the plethora of accents and the breath taking scenery...all I marveled at was how unbelievably beautiful Julia Robert’s smile is! But my schoolboy crush on a Hollywood celebrity is not what this post is about. Nor is it a review of her latest movie. This post is about an "ah-ha moment" we can all discover for ourselves without needing to flee the country to discover it.

A lot of us are control freaks. We are reluctant to give up the reins to anyone or anything, including love. The second we start to sense we are losing grip on a situation, AKA falling in love, we feel the overwhelming urge to pull back instead of allowing ourselves to let it flow through us like rain. To some, falling hopelessly in love with another human being is incredibly frightening because they feel as if they are going to wash away. They fear becoming so submerged in this new person and new relationship that they will lose a sense of who they are and the life they set out to live. But for those that realize it’s sometimes necessary to be temporarily unbalanced in/by love in order to live a balanced life, their identity remains intact. They keep the same core values, goals and dreams. They remain a "me" first and a "we" second.

If you’ve ever been in love, you understand the roller coaster of emotions that comes with it. And when it comes to roller coasters there are 3 types of riders:

  • Those too frightened to ever climb aboard for fear of being out of control.
  • Those who climb aboard with hesitation and ride white knuckled, anxious for it to end so they can regain control.
  • Those who jump right in, throw their hands in the air, relinquish all control and just enjoy the ride...to wherever it takes them and for however long it lasts.

A roller coaster, like love, can leave you feeling dizzy. But isn’t that dizzy state the best part of love? They are the first thought on your mind before you’re fully awake in the morning, the final thought on your mind before you fall asleep at night and a constant thought passing through your mind during the day. I’m fine with not being completely in control of my heart. I’m fine with the sick, queasy feeling I sometimes get in the pit of my stomach at noon because it’s balanced out by the warm, fluttering in my chest I receive at midnight by something as simple as a smiley face message on my phone. Our heart is the most vulnerable part of our body. So to give our heart to someone and relinquish that power is understandably scary, but it’s also empowering and freeing. It’s the same reason why people like music and dancing and drinking. They all temporarirly make you lose control, as does love.

To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.

So while we struggle to live this balanced life that we are constantly being preached to about, perhaps love is best left out of that balanced mix. Afterall, if the heart is the most vulnerable part of the body, then love surely is the strongest emotion the heart emits. And isn’t that balance in itself? Tying the weakest part of the body to the strongest emotion known to man?

Or maybe I’m just trying to start a campaign against conventional and predictable love. How unbelievably boring and unromantic would that relationship be!

Confessions Of A Startup Founder And CEO

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile now, you probably know I’m the Founder and CEO of a Network Security Consulting company. But if you really knew me, you would know that although that title may sound fancy and somewhat impressive, there is a side to it that is anything but glamorous. And when it comes to the less than glamorous side of our lives, we are reluctant to share those stories. We are more than happy to boast about tripling revenues, hiring additional employees, signing new clients and expanding our business internationally. But along the way mistakes are made and tiny tragedies take place...all which we hide, or at least don’t willingly share. So when I recently ran into an ex-girlfriend in a NY café and she asked how things were going, I didn’t lie to her, but I did omit some truth. I lied by omission. I purposely left out the less than glamorous side. Here is the confession she did not hear.

For us, payday is the 1st and 15th of every month. And every 1st and 15th of every month I sign seven paychecks, one to each of my employees and one to myself. For the past few paydays, I’ve only been signing six. No one has been laid off, fired or quit. And all my employees have received their checks in full. So you do the math.

There is a show on MTV called If You Really Knew Me. It’s a perfect example of how we all wear masks in life. Like putting our best foot forward, we also put our best face forward. In the show teens are asked to take off their masks and complete this sentence infront of their peers - "If you really knew me, you would know..." Completing that sentence sheds new light on who you truly are as a person, what it’s really like to be you. It’s not just teenagers that wear masks though, adults do too. That’s why that show came to mind when I was talking with my ex in that café. Of course when we were dating she knew me well. Although that was then and this is now. And now...

  • If you really knew me, you would know I have been working 70+ hour weeks (for weeks) without a paycheck.
  • If you really knew me, you would know that for the first 2 years of my own startup I couldn’t afford to give myself a paycheck and I NEVER thought today I would be back in that same position. For that, I feel ashamed.
  • If you really knew me, you would know that I stayed up until 4am last night crunching numbers and putting new plans into place.
  • If you really knew me, you would know that I come into work every day with a smile on my face and a positive attitude to ensure everyone around me that we are fine - that I’m not worried and their jobs are secure.
  • If you really knew me, you would know that despite how calm and confident I appear on the outside, I’m currently feeling frazzled and unsure of the immediate future.
  • If you really knew me, you would know that I’ve learned far more from my failures than my successes in life. And although this "rough patch" is definitely a learning experience for me, I refuse to allow my baby (AKA, my first startup) to become a mere "learning experience." That is not the legacy I had in mind when I gave birth to it and it’s not the legacy I want to leave behind if I should one day sell it.

I remind myself of the tremendous growth and success this company has experienced in such a short existence. And these people aren’t just my employees. I consider them my friends as well. They are like a second family to me. And while I’ve always stood by my motto "I’m your boss first and your friend second," the truth is the Mother bear in me feels obligated to protect them. So I cut myself in the process of saving them, rather than allow them to get cut and bleed on their own. If the wound was deeper, this would not be smart business. But a few scrapes I can take. I’m not going hungry or homeless. I’ve put myself in a financial situation where I am able to survive without a paycheck, at least for now.

I didn’t tell her any of that stuff because not only is it entirely too much detail, but it’s also too heavy and depressing for a passing chat. Besides, I wanted to put my best foot/face forward so I gave her the short, rose-tinted version. While I’m not looking to impress her, I’m also not looking to openly humiliate myself either. Nor did I want pity or a heroic pat on the back for taking one for the team. I just wanted to wear a simple, happy mask.

I've always admired people who can just put it out there and say..."Hey, this is who I am. I'm beautiful and ugly. There are things I'm proud of, things I'm ashamed of. Sometimes I'm smart and sometimes I'm stupid. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, but I always give it a good fight." And I always love hearing inspiring stories of people who continue to fight and become great successes in life. But only if their story of success includes the stories of how much they fucked up, failed and got rejected along the way. Not because I enjoy a painful journey, but because I enjoy a journey that’s real! And that’s exactly why I’m sharing this confession.

Because it’s real. Mask removed. End scene.


***NOTE***
Related post of interest. 6/9/09 - Skater Fag

How To Be Alone

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places - the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper. Where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway, so it’s safe there. There is also the gym. If you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors. You can put headphones in. And there’s public transportation, because we all got to go places. And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.


(written and performed by Tanya Davis)

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by “chow downers.” Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town. And so they, like you, will be alone. Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run,” take yourself out for dinner - a restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were. Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching, because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, afterall, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone. And the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city. Roam the streets. They are always statues to talk to. And benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute. And these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches might have never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile no one is dating them. But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless. And lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swaffed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner. Look both further and farther in the endless quest for company. But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts some essence of them may be lost. Or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself. Perhaps all those sappy slogans from pre-school over to high school groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. ‘Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experiences unique. No one has the same synapses. Can’t think like you. For this we’re relieved. Keeps things interesting. Life’s magic brings much. And it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected. The community is not present. Just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs a practice stop neglecting it. If your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it. You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it. If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it. There is heat in freezing be a testament.
 

The Rest Is Still Unwritten

Latest Activity

New Blog Post: Allow Yourself To Be Unbalanced By Love http://bit.ly/dbKM9l
August 25
New Blog Post: Confessions Of A Startup Founder And CEO http://bit.ly/aHlgsk
August 18
New Blog Post: How To Be Alone http://bit.ly/b08Ald
August 15
New Blog Post: How To Be Alone http://bit.ly/b08Ald
August 10

Profile Information

Where do you live:
NY bound
Relationship Status:
Single
About Me:
I am not a writer. You will never see my name embossed on a fine leather book. The dream of being published does not exist for me. Still, I fill this virtual notebook. I cast a light on myself that is not always kind, but always shines true, illuminating the soul. Pieces of me left unwritten. A life I can't always define. Words often unvarnished. Other times finished. They are all my own and this is their home. This is me.
Website:
http://diamondkt.blogspot.com
Other blogs and Social Media:
Follow Me on Twitter @davidstehle (and my Bulldog @DieselTweets)
Age:
28
How long have you been blogging:
5 years with over 1,000 posts!
Fill in the blank: "People who like _________ will love my blog!"
Tech News and Random Ramblings
What makes you different from other bloggers?
I love "Sex And The City" and I’m not gay? I’m not questioning my sexuality there. I’m merely questioning whether this makes me different from other bloggers or not.

View Previous Tweets and Follow Me on Twitter

Want to get to know me better without touching me in my naughty place?
Then start off with this post, courtesy of my blog...

101 Things You Didn't Know About Me


Comment Wall (994 comments)

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At 1:09pm on September 2, 2010, Alessandra M. said…
yes David, u must visit my italy and write about it 'cause you're talented....sorry I have a very bad enlish but I'd like to understand your posts! :)
At 2:27am on September 2, 2010, Jennifer Gleason said…
Yeah, I love the stuff you do, I bet you'd be good at either one, honestly. :)
I love journalism, but I love everything about writing, so whatever I do, I know I'll be happy with it.
At 1:41pm on August 28, 2010, Seesaw said…
you are CUTE. there, I was inspired into honestl by one of your posts :-D
At 10:06am on August 23, 2010, Casey Chapman said…
Your blog definitely keeps it real- I enjoyed reading it tremendously, and look forward to future postings! :)
At 1:34pm on August 20, 2010, Janis said…
thanks for accepting my invite :)... will follow ur blogger acct.. :)
At 4:48pm on August 11, 2010, Mom and Dem said…
Cool blog...I love the "What's in your bag?" post, which has prompted me to get nosy with all the peeps in my office and ask them what's in their bag :)
At 4:58pm on August 6, 2010, Lelali Di said…
Wow, that's pretty damn impressive. I hope Bear picks up on snowboarding this winter. That would be so cool
At 9:25am on August 6, 2010, Lelali Di said…
No, that's crazy! And soo awesome and cute! Diesel can skateboard like that? lol I can't even skateboard like that.. whenever I run into grass, I go flying. That dog has some skill. And snowboarding?? I want my dog to come boarding with me! How do you teach him?
At 5:32pm on August 5, 2010, Lelali Di said…
Well thanks. haha I didn't know they had kissing contests for dogs. That's a pretty impressive resume though. Bear just tries to lick everyone all the time. How can he skateboard?? That's so crazy! I tried to teach Bear to play soccer with me, but he just steals the ball and runs with it in his mouth, so it ends up a game of chase rather than soccer.. same with volleyball. But look at this!

Sooo cute! And yea, I have a big photo of Bear on my desk at work and it always makes me smile. I bet a big painting of Diesel would do the same for you. Aww this is makin me miss my pooch.
At 9:40am on August 5, 2010, Lelali Di said…
Haha of course! I started painting and drawing Bear the first day I got him, so you definitely don't sound like a freak. But Bear is about the worst model, because he won't ever sit still. Here's a painting I did of a picture of us:


pictures are so much easier to work from. Daniel Maltzman is awesome! Thanks for tellin me about him! His syle is so unique, I love it. The one of the french bulldog is soo cute! I think this one is my favorite tho

I would absolutely love to be able to paint something like that. Haha what do you think diesel could do to find a part time job? Maybe a kissing booth? Ya never know, maybe an artist would paint him just for his cuteness.
At 4:05pm on August 4, 2010, B said…
Hi David! It's funny, I didn't realize you were on 20sb - but now I see that you pretty much are all over this site ^_^ I'm checking out that book you mentioned. Thanks! - B.
At 4:17pm on July 19, 2010, Candy Tulane said…
hey there I am new to blogging check out my blog at Sex in Santa Barbara http://sexinsantabarbara.blogspot.com/?spref=tw and I will be sure to check out yours as well, feedback is always welcomed and hope your dating life is as active as mine
At 11:52am on July 17, 2010, vini said…
awww.. :) so sweet..
and what else cooking??
At 5:22pm on July 15, 2010, Wanna Hear A Joke...Our Lives said…
Thank you for checking out our page and our blog! We are happy to hear you enjoy our ridiculous stories :) We also really enjoyed taking a look at your blog; it was very insightful and honest. Keep up the good work!
At 2:38pm on July 15, 2010, vini said…
nothin much.. :-) u gotta tell.. how did ur mom's bday celebration go??
At 4:50pm on July 12, 2010, Lisa Marie Miller said…
Hey
Just wanted to say what a great blog I think you have. Yours was one of the first blogs I started following about 12 months ago.
Keep up the great work!!!
LMM
-x-
At 1:26am on July 11, 2010, eQ said…
Hey doll. How's your stud muffin doing? Bax is getting plump. He got to meet his pop and bro last week. His dad is insanely handsome. It makes me look forward to seeing how Bax will look in the future. Anyway, thought I would say hello! Hope you are enjoying your summer =)
At 2:38pm on July 7, 2010, Stephanie S said…
Thanks for the add David. As far as the traveling bug goes...I've got it bad right now. I have some financial goals right now, but am hoping to reward myself by November and take a lavish vaca in Punta Cana. Here's to keeping my fingers crossed!

PS I love the blog. I just became a follower. Keep up the great and inspiring work! :)
At 4:10pm on July 6, 2010, Natalie Paige said…
hey love your blog.

www.awkwardsexandthecity.blogspot.com

check it out, i think you might like!
At 10:57pm on June 30, 2010, Brandi Reynolds said…
Wow!!! Thanks for your comment!!!! I sssoooooo don't feel like that right now, but that is Moi!
 
 
 

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