Shine

Have you heard the new Anna Nalick song, "Shine"? I heard it on the radio this morning and it really touched me. Not because of anything I am going through but because it describes a person in my life so very well.

This person (let's call him S) is amazing. Funny without trying, strong, smart and totally not living up to his potential. At all. Because S does not think he has any potential. Because S's mother abandoned him when he was young. And S still cannot understand this and I don't think he ever really knew how to deal with it.

So S drinks without abandon and escapes into the haze of marijuana. Which is fine, I think we've all been guilty of that. But he sees this as his future.

Gotowork.Comehome.Drink.Smoke.Repeat.PassOut.GotoWork...etc

But I only wish he could see what I see. He is a fucking beautiful person with so much to give. I have known him since elementary school, but didn't start hanging out with him until about 2 years ago through mutual friends. At first, I didn't talk to him much, I didn't think we had much in common and honestly? He can be intimidating upon first meeting him. So I kept my distance and was happy with being friendly with him.

And then this summer somehow we clicked. It's so funny what can bring two people together so quickly. For S and I? It was a great conversation about the Red Sox - yeah, a random talk about our favorite team and it opened the door to a great friendship. Then one night (the night the Sox won the series to be exact), everyone had left (well, my significant other had passed out) so S and I were watching the end of the game when he just started opening up. And I sat. And Listened. For Hours. And you know what? I wasn't just listening waiting for him to finish. I listened and wanted him to keep talking because every word that came out of his mouth, as heart wrenching as it was, helped him and really connected us. I never knew had no FUCKING CLUE that behind this confident exterior was an abandoned son and it made me love and respect him so much more.

So now what? Well, S feels like if his own mother abandoned him, then he must be worthless. He self-sabatoges in life and relationships and the worst part? He knows he does it. And accepts it. He figures it's just the way things were meant to be. The other worst part? When his mother left, she didn't cut his older brother out completely...just S. Now, S is not a raving emotional fragile "please feel sorry for me" type - this stuff only comes out once in awhile but often enough so that you know that for him, it's part of what defines him. And that makes me cry for him. Because she was a shitty fucking mother that gave up something truly special and it's her loss. But no matter what, he'll always take the blame and think it was something HE did. Tears my fucking heart out.

Anyway, I heard this song and certain parts really hit home regarding S. So here are the lyrics (If the lyrics are incorrect, I apologize. It's relatively new so not a lot posted on the web yet and I can't listen to it now since I'm at work)

"Shine" Anna Nalick

Oh the night makes you a star And it holds you cold in its arms
You're the one to whom nobody verses I love you
Unless you say it first
So you lie there holding your breath
And its strange how soon you forget
That you're like stars
They only show up when it's dark
Cause they don't know their worth

And I think you need to stop following misery's lead Shine away shine away shine away
Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are
We're all waiting
Waiting on your supernova
Cause that's who you are
And you've only begun to shine

There are times when the poets and pornstars align and You won't know who to believe in
Well that's a good time to be leavin'
And the past knocks on your door
And throws stones at your window at 4 in the morning
Well maybe he thinks it's romantic
He's crazy but you knew that before

And I think you need to stop following misery's lead Shine away Shine away Shine away
Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are
We're all waiting
Waiting on your supernova
Cause that's who you are
And you've only begun to shine

Yeah you've only begun to shine Won't you shine shine shine shine over shadow
Shine shine shine shine over shadow
Shine shine shine shine over

And I think you need to stop following misery's lead Shine away Shine away Shine away
Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are
We're all waiting
Waiting on your supernova
Cause that's who you are
And you've only begun to shine