the need for speed

So, speed dating....I think the best part of the night was probably the passion fruit mojito. Once I arrived at Chi-Cha Lounge, my "spidey" senses were ready. If it was cute and had a penis, I was ready to turn on my charm.

While fortifying myself with a mojito, I noticed a very furry, very grey-haired and very past 35 male eyeing me while fiddling with a Hurry Date brochure. I chugged my mojito. If this was indicative of the type of menfolk that I would have to endure, it was going to be a very loooooong night. Glancing around, one viable option was seated on the bar stool next to me. Alas, he promptly stood up chatted with the manager and left. He wasn't here for Hurry Date. I ordered another mojito.

The date organizers ushered us into a side room and went over the rules (girls sit on one side of the table and the boys rotate around, each "date" lasts 4 minutes). They also let us know that though they guarantee 10 dates, we did not have that many people (nine boys to eight girls) and we would get a coupon for another Hurry Date. Whee, I get to do this again.

Here's some highlights of the dates:

Tall nerdy type. Never had a shot. Especially when he told me that the favorite place he had ever visited was Sarasota, Fla. No offense Sarasota, but you're really not that great when compared to, say New York City or even Miami Beach.

Another nerdy type who looked rather like a co-worker. There was a slight panic when I thought it was my co-worker.

This was was actually cute and had potential. Taller than me, light brown hair, dressed nicely. Then he opened his mouth and it stayed open. One we got past our names, I learned that he loves his job at the Pentagon, he's very important at his job, he just went to the Caribbean as was on his CrackBerry constantly checking in, and when he returned everyone told him how missed he was because he is just so vital. Thrilling really, tell me more. Of the four minutes we had, 3 were him talking non-stop.

Dear Furry BarBeast,

Please note that you are not fooling anyone with your vintage t-shirt and designer jeans. You are old, you are furry and you are a little sweaty. Accept this and move on. Kthxbai!

The Furry BarBeast did give me the opportunity to have a little fun. He was the last date of the night and until then, I hadn't spun any wild tales. But this was too good to pass up. I noticed an accent when he introduced himself so I asked where he was from. Beruit, Lebanon. Great. For some reason Arab guys really like me. And already having planted my flag there, I feel no need to ever repeat the experience.

I knew I could say a word about belly dancing or I'd never get out of there alive. So, I brought back an old bit: I work for a wildlife conservation non-profit organization with the goal of saving the buffalo of the West. I'm originally from North Dakota. Oh, and my roommate and I have 4 cats.

The best part of the night really was that mojito. And the bartender. He wasn't that cute, but looked like fun. He went out of his way to tell me his schedule. Shame I can't remember his name.