All of the Above

The folder marked 'BLOG' on my desktop stares at me. It is empty. 'Feed me!' It says. I have recently resolved to write in my blog more often, at the very least on a weekly basis. I've done research. Apparently I need to pick a topic more concise than simply my own life. I would write about my illness, but which one? Or do I write about all of them? I'm tempted to just rebel and write whatever fuck all I want. But is my life entertaining enough to really sustain a regular blog?

I am a twenty something struggling to be something more than myself. I have fibromyalgia syndrome (although lately I have come the question this diagnosis given to me at 17) and mental illnesses, the latest guess is a mix of severe anxiety issues and bipolar disorder. Hell I don't know if that's the politically correct term for it anymore. Right now I'm in a manic phase, which I like better than the other side, the dark side. It's like being two different people. But I am not just a bundle of disorders, symptoms, and medical jargon, I know this.

I am an artist. Mainly I paint, but I toy with other things too. I feel really misleading stating this right now because I can't remember the last time I picked up a paintbrush to just….paint. To enjoy myself. But I want to. I still look at my watercolors and feel that urge to just sit, it's more a need for the feeling I get when I paint than for the actual outcome, who cares what I paint, or if it's good, dear lord, just LET ME PAINT.

I am a Buddhist, I light incense everyday and say my prayers, I observe precepts every 15th of the month, I go to weekly temple meetings, and every Sunday I make a Tsog offering. I am not militant, or what could be termed as orthodox, but I have my beliefs and I stick with them.

I live in a house with my engaged to be engaged boyfriend and our three dogs, we moved in at the beginning of the month, it is my first house and I am at a loss. What do I DO with all this space. But I have no money to do any really decorating, so when people ask, I tell them it's minimalist.

I am a waitress, another thing that just started this month, I have been in entertainment of for the better part of 10 years and this is my fist job in the food service industry. I have no clue what I'm doing, but I mimic what I see others doing and what I've seen in movies and I seem to be getting along ok. But then, The most tables I have yet to have at one time is 3. So pray for me.

I guess this means I will be writing about many things in this blog, all of the above. Maybe I should rename it that, 'All of the Above'. I dunno gotta ask Jess.