An Open Letter To My Future Trainer

Today I almost fainted during my workout.

I believe this was a sign from the Exercise Gods that I need to get a personal trainer.

Of course there are hundreds of trainers at my disposal in this city and it shouldn't be that hard to find one.

However, I am more critical of my trainers than I am of my doctors.

So rather than waste my time searching, I would like my future trainer to come to me.

If you'd like the honor of being my personal trainer and you fit the following criteria, please inquire within.

You are not just my health coach, but my life coach. My hope is that you are educated enough to have an intelligent conversation with me and offer me good advice when I need it. You are my personal therapist, as well as my trainer.
If you're not in great shape and do not have a low percentage of body fat, I cannot take you seriously when you give me orders. Fatties need not apply.
If you have a barb wire tattoo, thanks, but no thanks.
I like to make jokes. I'd like it if you can make jokes too. It's not fun doing 50 squats. Please keep me entertained so that I'm not thinking about swinging a dumbbell at your face.
Be realistic. If your whole life is protein shakes and boneless skinless chicken breasts, we can't be good friends. If you want to preach to me how drinking is bad and how I have too many carbs in my diet, I'm going to tell you to suck a medicine ball.
Last, but not least, be happy. I'm in no mood to deal with your mood. I'm paying you to make me look and feel good. Leave your baggage in your locker, and come to me with a positive 'tude. The gym is my temple, please don't F that up for me.

Why should you want to be my trainer?

I work hard. I pay well.

If you're interested in whippin' my ass into shape please contact me at Lindsay@Dietstarts2mrw.com .

Until then, I'll be the out of shape girl fainting at the gym.

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