Didi, the vending machine skank

So, bright and early today, my friend Didi walked into the room and sat down next to me holding a bottle of Aquafina in one hand and a bottle of Lipton iced tea in the other. "Guess what?" she cheered "The vending machine was broken or something and I didn't even have to put in money to get this water! The machine was just like 'Make your selection.' So I got this water and then I got this iced tea. Two for the price of one!"
Hours later after I was done fiddling around online, I was suddenly parched. Perhaps I will have such luck with the vending machine?
I pulled out two perfectly crisp dollar bills and put them into the machine. The machine was like "Make your selection."
So I was like, "I want cranberry juice!" (And no, I don't have a yeast infection this time.) So I pushed "E3" and again the machine was like "Make your selection." I pushed E3. Hard. "Make your selection." So then I was like "E3 motherfucker!" Even though the machine doesn't actually have a "motherfucker" button, but I think it totally should. Then all of the sudden, all of my change got returned....in nickels of course. Two dollars in nickels. Then, I got angry and kicked it. An orange juice fell out. I don't even like orange juice though, so I left it.
I shook my fist at the machine and cursed the gods of vending.




Random quote of the day: "You don't want to look like an idiot while you are trying to defend your manhood."