The Bloggers With The Most To Say
Dinners That Don't Suck
There are lots of things that suck about being healthy.
First of all, it ain’t cheap. I typically avoid reviewing my credit card statement until the last possible second because I average three charges to Whole Foods per week. Yikes.
Secondly, I live in America. Specifically, in Chicago. Where people would rather pile themselves into a sardine packed bus than walk a few blocks. Not only are the people abnormally lazy in this town, but it doesn’t help when in the middle of May I feel the need to put my heat on and wear a winter coat because the weather sucks so bad. Shitty weather = shitty workouts.
Finally, being healthy can be painfully boring. Why the hell would I subject myself to plan chicken breast, broccoli and brown rice on a daily basis? Where am I? In prison?
So how am I supposed to look my best and be my healthiest without trying that hard?
It’s time to get creative.
Here are some great “recipes” (I use this term loosely because they are more just a list of items that when you put them together may create a decent dinner).
Also, I realize both of these recipes call for lean ground turkey. If you hate turkey meat I’m very sorry for you and your ass. Don’t worry though, we can work on your taste buds.
First, I’d recommended starting with dark meat. Typically, the dark meat has more flavor. Or you can always swap that out for ground chicken or ground beef. Obviously, ground turkey is the healthiest option which is why I chose it for both recipes.
Furthermore, before you tell me that two recipes will hardly get you through a week of eating let me say two things: one, I can’t give up all my dinner recommendations right away. Two, I have an addiction to Whole Foods which requires me to have a full-time job; I can’t spend my entire afternoon writing out recipes.
But as always, emails and comments are welcomed and encouraged, whether you love it or hate it.
Unless you’re going to tell me that I shouldn’t use the term “carb face”. Then please, don’t comment.
And remember, eating healthy sucks, but maybe it will suck a little less if we can all bitch about it together.
First of all, it ain’t cheap. I typically avoid reviewing my credit card statement until the last possible second because I average three charges to Whole Foods per week. Yikes.
Secondly, I live in America. Specifically, in Chicago. Where people would rather pile themselves into a sardine packed bus than walk a few blocks. Not only are the people abnormally lazy in this town, but it doesn’t help when in the middle of May I feel the need to put my heat on and wear a winter coat because the weather sucks so bad. Shitty weather = shitty workouts.
Finally, being healthy can be painfully boring. Why the hell would I subject myself to plan chicken breast, broccoli and brown rice on a daily basis? Where am I? In prison?
So how am I supposed to look my best and be my healthiest without trying that hard?
It’s time to get creative.
Here are some great “recipes” (I use this term loosely because they are more just a list of items that when you put them together may create a decent dinner).
- Non-Carb Face Pasta
- What to buy:
- Gluten Free Pasta (I promise you it doesn’t taste any different than the normal stuff). This may not save you in calories, but gluten is what gives your face (and ass) that balloon effect.
- A chunky tomato pasta sauce. If the sauce is white or includes the words “vodka” or “cream” you might as well say hello to cellulite and good-bye skinny jeans.
- Ground turkey breast. It really doesn’t get any healthier than this. Lean and mean baby.
- Canned Peas. If you don’t like peas and want something healthier (and have the extra 5 minutes to spare) try chopping up asparagus heads.
- How to cook:
- Cook pasta as you always would. If you’re me, and completely black out EVERY TIME you make pasta, read the label on the bag.
- Cook ground turkey until the pink be gone. Then dump tomato sauce on top of the meat. Then either dump the peas on top or asparagus heads. Mix it up so it looks like homemade sauce even though it’s not. Pretend that you’re Martha Stewart - or not.
- Dump your “homemade” pasta sauce on top of your gluten free pasta. Consume this with water. Not soda you fat ass. That defeats the purpose of your healthy meal.
- If you don’t like it, it’s not my fault. I swear.
- What to buy:
- Sexi Mexi Bowl
- What to buy:
- Lettuce
- Avocado
- Lean Ground Turkey
- Canned black beans – don’t you dare think of buying refried!
- Canned corn
- Salsa
- Packet of taco seasoning. Your choice! See, I let people make their own decisions.
- Corn tortilla chips
- Brown Rice (optional)
- Cheese (optional)
- Fat-Free French Dressing (optional)
- How to cook:
- Cook turkey meat. Once there is no brown left, add packet of seasoning and water (follow directions on packet, each type is different), bring to boil, then let it simmer for about ten minutes.
- Now here you have to make another choice. Salad or rice? Or both?
- If you go salad – on top of lettuce add the meat, two tbs of beans, two tbs of corn, crumble four chips on top, sprinkle of shredded cheese (optional), 1/4 avocado and either salsa or what I LOVE is adding fat-free dressing.
- If you go brown rice – on top of rice add the meat, two tbs of beans, two tbs of corn, crumble four chips on top, sprinkle of shredded cheese (optional), 1/4 avocado and salsa.
- And please don’t tell me how this is a Chipotle burrito bowl. I promise this won’t make you run to the bathroom in pain.
- What to buy:
Also, I realize both of these recipes call for lean ground turkey. If you hate turkey meat I’m very sorry for you and your ass. Don’t worry though, we can work on your taste buds.
First, I’d recommended starting with dark meat. Typically, the dark meat has more flavor. Or you can always swap that out for ground chicken or ground beef. Obviously, ground turkey is the healthiest option which is why I chose it for both recipes.
Furthermore, before you tell me that two recipes will hardly get you through a week of eating let me say two things: one, I can’t give up all my dinner recommendations right away. Two, I have an addiction to Whole Foods which requires me to have a full-time job; I can’t spend my entire afternoon writing out recipes.
But as always, emails and comments are welcomed and encouraged, whether you love it or hate it.
Unless you’re going to tell me that I shouldn’t use the term “carb face”. Then please, don’t comment.
And remember, eating healthy sucks, but maybe it will suck a little less if we can all bitch about it together.
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