Dry Toast

So last night I had a date. I was not really feeling it, as it was after an incredibly long day. With all this gross DC weather, all I have been wanting to nest in my room and watch Law & Order: SVU in my penguin onesie (yes, I totally do own that). But I sucked it up and met up with him at Tonic. Another reason I wasn't totally into it was the fact that his name is was the same as my brother's (all I could think about is calling out his name in bed and how awkward it would be... these are naturally the things I think about). Neverthless I met up with him and he was attractive so I said to hell with it, let's do it.

We sat at the bar and we ordered drinks and began to get to know each other and do the obligatory "So, where are you originally from? What did you study? Chocolate or vanilla?" I kept noticing that he looked exhausted though and he seemed really unenthusiastic about anything. He was also kind of a Debbie Downer- I could not get him excited or passionate about anything. As I later recalled to my mother that night, he had absolutely no joie de vivre. And that is when I finally had him diagnosed: he was dry toast.

Urban Dictionary, the well-recognized academic source for the modern generation, defines dry toast as "dull, boring". And that could not describe him any better. He was dull, banal, insipid... It was painful at times. When I asked him about school, his job, his family- everything- he was just so apathetic. He just couldn't find an emotion more powerful than mildly comatose. I felt badly that he was so tired, but I feel like even if he was cranked up on speed and fifty bottles of 5 Hour Energy, he would still not be any more energetic. Everything was so just blegh with him.

Luckily, the date lasted only an hour and we walked out of the restaurant and I pointed him over to the metro at which point he said, "Wait, I need your number"... And here I was thinking that the date was equally dull for him so we would be able to just part ways- he back to his home in Van Ness where he could stare at paint dry or whatever he does for fun, and me to the nearest deli to load up some carbs and tomato soup (I'm convinced I am catching a cold). So his question totally caught me off guard. And readers, let it be known that I am literally the worst liar in the world. I can't tell a lie to save my life. So when he asked for my number, I kind of blew it off and was like "oh, I have yours I'll send you a text later". To which he replied, "Well, why don't I just add it now" and he showed me his open phone with my name in his contacts menu, waiting for a number to be added. Seriously, the boy had some nimble fingers. I kind of stuttered and somehow blurted out "oh well I don't know my phone number, Sorry!" Seriously? The idiotic things that come out of my mouth even shock me sometimes. He looked really confused so I made up an even more elaborate lie of how I had just gotten this number and hadn't memorized it yet. I was like a fish out of water, grasping for some air while just thinking of how I could get back into the damn water.

But I somehow recovered and said, "Okay, I'll just call you now so you can have my number". So I awkwardly scramble with my phone and say "I'm so sorry, I just got this phone and still don't know how to use it. Gosh, I suck with technology". Seriously? Where do I come up with these ridiculous lies? It was painfully obvious how I was lying so horribly and blatantly to his face, but he ended up getting my number and we ended the date with a nice side hug.

But Delilah, on the other hand, saw things a little differently. She gave him props to coming out to the date even though he was obviously exhausted. She couldn't really explain away his dry toasted-ness, however. I will be surprised if he does contact me, though, especially after that ridiculously embarassing good-bye we shared. I'm a little bummed because with our exchanges on OkCupid, he was so personable and hilarious. I'm kind of iffy on this one, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but if he does call, I do need to have my mind set otherwise I will no doubt launch into a barrage of useless lies that make absolutely no sense. So what do you think? Was he just having an off day and should I give him a second shot if he does call back or is it on to the next one?