How to Become a Hollywood Assistant

I wrote an Ehow a bit ago about how to become a Hollywood Assistant and all the not-yet-jaded kids seemed to like it. However, I should have put a disclaimer, "But you're a fucking jackass if you think you REALLY want to be a Hollywood assistant."

So little do they know...

You see that picture of that girl? You want to look like her? Tired eyes, frizzy hair, walkie talkie strapped to belt, listening to her boss scream obscenities in her ear as she tries to drown it out by shoveling into her mouth phallic looking hot dogs from craft service that sadly remind her that Hollywood is one big sausage fest? Is that what you want to be?! HUH???

But anyways, here is the sweet, positive Ehow I wrote encouraging YOU to become some pathological-egomaniacal-big-chip-on-his-shoulder-because-kids-called-him-fatty-still-has-mother-issues dude's assistant (P.S. rent "Swimming with Sharks").

Step 1-
Interning- Unless your Dad is Harvey Weinstein (God help you) and you're well-connected, this is one of the only ways you're going to get your foot in the Hollywood door. It's simple; go to college, check your school's database of internships, or cold call companies saying that you're a student and you're looking for an internship. People LOVE interns! You're free labor! Make a good impression during your internship and I'd say 50% of the time their is a job opportunity waiting for you after you've completed it (this depends solely on if the company/person you are working for needs hired help, if not, they'll gladly refer you to others if they liked you). This is how I got my job. It's probably the simplest way to break into the business. HOWEVER, the important key here is make a good impression and do a good job. If you don't, it's back on the train home for you.

Step 2-
Networking- They say, "It's who you know" and they are absolutely right (whomever "they" are). I got all my jobs in Hollywood through people I knew. Period. That's how it works. Once your foot is in the door, the degree doesn't matter, only your reputation and your ability to sell yourself. If you don't know anyone in the business yet, it's important that you attend industry events and chat it up with industry folk. People in the film business are a lot nicer than you think, albeit, they might be seeing what they can get out of you at the same time. Ask people if you they know of any assistant gigs available, chances are they do. People are quick to play matchmaker in this town.

Step 3-
UTA Joblist- Is the "secret", coveted job list that circulates around town every couple of weeks. The list is meant for certain college alumni and people with connections in the business. If you're lucky to get your hands on it (it's not that hard), you'll find the best of the assistant gigs listed. This is where high end agencies and talent are looking for the best of the best. Ask around your friends who has the latest copy, and in some instances you can find it floating around on the internet.

Step 4-
Job Listing Websites- Websites are becoming a common and credible way to finding good assistant work. Check out websites such as Entertainmentcareers.net, Mandy.com, Realitystaff.com, Showbizjobs.com. Even Craigslist is a great place to find film & TV work (search under the "TV/Film/Video" section. Also, if there is a specific show, company, or entity that you like, it's worth checking out the website or even cold calling them. A lot of these companies have job listings on their own website.