I want … life

It’s so easy to look back and say I miss the good old days, I want to go back. I want to be young, reckless and carefree again. The past is safe, you know what happened, you know now how it ended but what about now? I got a tattoo to remind me to never forget now, cause it might be all you have. Appreciate and enjoy what you have now. And even better, what about the future. Although it’s unsure and there is the possibility that you may not always succeed, sometimes fail miserably it’s thrilling and exciting and ready to be explored!

Bell Book & Candle wrote a song Rescue me, it’s my all time favorite song because it’s about being alive, not half heartedly alive, but fully alive. It’s about feeling everything, living everything. All your senses to be alive, hunger, anger, crying, laughter, pain, joy and especially love. Because the greatest gift of all is Love. Pain is an inevitable part of life, if you don’t have pain, you’ll never fully experience ecstasy, cause you won’t know any better. Most people, I think everyone has been hurt in some way. It’s a choice what you do with that pain. You can use it as an excuse for everything that’s wrong in your life (wise words from the Damselfly) or you can use it to be more aware, more compassionate, a better you.

Today I realized that there are actually a lot of things in my life that can take away my passion, make me hide my heart from the world and everyone that could possibly hurt it. But I want life. And even if it’s painful sometimes at least I’m feeling something and that way I know that I’m living. So bring on Life just the way it is, I’m ready for it. I have faith, I believe that everything is going to work out just the way it should.

At this stage, I don’t know how it should work out, but I’m glad. That would take away from the excitement, the chase to have the life I’ve always dreamed about. Maybe next year this time, me and the Damselfly will be conquering New York with red lips to give us the edge, dressed to kill so that no one can miss us. Maybe I’ll still be in dear old South Africa in a job I love. Or even in Korea, finding myself. And Heaven forbid, planning my wedding! The opportunities are endless. It doesn’t matter where I end up, I’ll enjoy the now and still keep on dreaming about the future. I found this inspirational quote in my inbox today;

"Interestingly, koi, when put in a fish bowl, will only grow
up to three inches. When this same fish is placed in a large
tank, it will grow to about nine inches long. In a pond koi
can reach lengths of eighteen inches. Amazingly, when placed
in a lake, koi can grow to three feet long. The metaphor is
obvious. You are limited by how you see the world."

-- Vince Poscente

I want to swim in the ocean.