If at first you don't succeed...

Lately the quality of messages in my Okcupid inbox has been on the decline. I swear sometimes I really do fear for the continuance of the human race. If these are the lines men are using to try and pick up women I think we may all just have to rely on drunken one night stands for procreation purposes. Below are some of the more amusing messages each sent by men who have tried to contact me on more than one occasion, all purple comments are my own.

From the creepy Iranian who won't stop messaging me:

It will be pitty if you just visit my profile.

please let me to feel your sweet taste by your friendship.

here is my email xxxxxx I wait to hear from you.life is short,let don't choose the opportunity.yours for ever I think I'll pass.

From the "25" year-old who looks more like 45:

if you take me out on a date showed me an old movie and around dc. i promise i will remember you forever, i will even tell my grand kids about you. i'm a man of my word! :) I'm not even sure how to react to this one. He does look like he could potentially already have "gran kids" so I'm not sure if the sentiment really caries any weight.

From the man who who looks like a pedophile:
so would u rather have sex in the morning or at night :)
Yes, this is the first message he ever sent me.

From a student at the University of MD:
Dispite how tall you are I would love to get to know u!!
Wow, way to sweet talk a girl. You can't spell and I think you just insulted me, great.

From a 19 year-old:
The debate continues! You're adorable, so adorable in fact that I've decided im going to adopt you as my new little sister. Don't worry, we'll spend all our time together climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. (Coffee flavored). Actually you seem like a pretty cool person, I'd love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha. Wait! You're not crazy are you
The subject of this message was "Ice cream or Cookies?"

From a 40 year-old in Ecuador:
Subject: Angel!
ehe ehe :`( , why you are taller !!
lol i won`t have a 1% chance XD
Try 0%

Are there any other good stories out there? What are some of the best/funniest lines you've heard? This whole Okcupid experiment has been interesting so far, but I think it might be coming to an end soon. I'm not sure if I have the energy to keep fishing through the myriads of profiles trying to find someone worth going out with. I think it might be time for a quick review of my open letter to the men of the online dating world...

To every man who is using an online dating site,

There seem to be a great many of you who lack common sense, courtesy, and finesse. Dating whether online or off is a challenge-I know-but really I'm sick of your inability to communicate effectively. With that in mind, I would like to suggest on behalf of women everywhere that you take note of the following if you ever want to get laid again:

1. Choose Your Picture Wisely

Pictures of your hairy chest and beer gut are not impressive to anyone. Please remove them, they are neither appreciated nor sexy. The same goes for pics of your with drunk chicks draped on your arm, pictures where only half your face is visible, and snapshots of you with random children (Who do they belong to? This can lead to all kinds of confusion).

2. Don't Bore Us

Never start your "About Me" profile section with "I'm really bad at writing these things", "I suck at describing myself", or "I don't know what to put here". If that is the case please just leave it blank. We ladies don't care to read about how much you suck at finding positive things to say about yourselves.

3. Over Sharing

Mentioning on your profile that your ex-girlfriend is a complete bitch who broke you're heart into a thousand tiny pieces is a quick way to lose our interest. Bitterness is not attractive on anyone.

4. Acting Desperate

Don't try to instant message us constantly. If we haven't responded in the past 30 seconds calm down and politely wait for us to respond. Asking "are you there?!?!?!??" is not an acceptable alternative. This shows desperation, yet another thing we don't find sexy.

5. Thoughtful Messaging

When sending ladies messages ask appropriate questions. Never demand to know how many people we have slept with, how much money we make, or our bra size.

Trust me, chicks will respond to you much more often if you take these suggestions into consideration. Just because you are using the internet to talk to a woman does not mean you should forget all your manners.
Sincerely,

A single girl who just wants to find a decent guy to talk to/maybe date/maybe just hang out with/who the hell really knows anyway

If at first you don't succeed...

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