In Despair

I am going to be honest about not updating anything here for quite sometime now, I just want to stop lying to myself.

I haven’t been writing because I’ve been DEPRESSED.

I don’t think I have ever uttered those words nor shared it to anybody before but this own hit me real hard. For most of my days it was crucial low that I don’t even have any reasons to get up in the morning, or if I do get up there’s nothing for me to look forward onto making myself productive, I felt like everything I do I’ll just fail, or everything I touch fails. In any other days I’m always optimistic and always expecting that if challenges come my way it is just a matter of time that the rainbow will appear and/or a ray of sunshine will right be on my face. This one felt forever long and the more I thought about that it will somehow fade in to something better the more I got sucked into depression, the more I felt horrible sad and I even felt like everyone was up against me. It felt like I’ve been robbed with all the joy I have in my heart and all I feel was sadness, loneliness and everything was meaningless.

As I had been trying to put myself back all together the trials and tribulations just kept on coming, piling on me day by day, walking by faith with God was even harder even knowing that this challenges aren’t supposed t o be look at the way I am looking at. I strongly believe that He is a truthful God that will deliver us and His merciful heart will pour grace and blessings in out life in due time but knowing it and not acting on it is totally a different thing.

I had to look at myself again; I had to ask for help, something that is completely foreign to my nature. Asking my husband to pray with me was a very difficult thing for me; I have always prayed silently in front of him or let him lead both of us in prayer. I cried as I prayed with him, I cried like I never had, I cried my heart out not just in front of God but to the man I truly love. I lifted my burden, pain, anger, and anxiety that had built up inside me, somehow I kept on praying to Him but never did I let Him take over of whatever I did prayed for, somehow I forgot, somehow I thought that I was listening to Him when I was completely doing the other way around. At this point I felt FREE… exhilarated by how God makes his own little funny ways of showing how much He truly LOVES each and one of us and to remind us that we are his children.

For the first time in several weeks I felt that being inadequate and broken was all I needed to feel to run to His open arms; to surrender to him; to be embrace by His love; to find hope in Him not in this temporary world we live in and to be conformed by it. If going through the struggles in life is the only way to merely be dragged onto the floor just for me to be reminded and shaken to rely on His words and to feel His holy presence in me, then I will take all of it and praise His glorious name.

For I know He will never leave us nor forsake us.

All in King James


For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you.

2 Corinthians 2:4

also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.

Leviticus 26:16I

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

Behold, my servants shall sing for joy of heart, but ye shall cry for sorrow of heart, and shall howl for vexation of spirit.

Isaiah 65:14


Mrs.Zeus