In Which I Cannot Believe It

There is an adult bookstore in a nearby town. It's in a small building set back from the road, the window-less facade painted a somber shade of blue. The main entrance is off to the side, behind a tall wooden fence that also guards the parking lot from the view of those driving by. A sign hangs crookedly between a weathered set of wooden posts near the road, bearing the name "First Amendment Adult Bookstore".

I've never been inside the store, but I can't deny my curiosity about it. I've got nothing against porn myself, but I have to wonder what exactly the draw is to read an adult book. It seems to me like there would be a lot of unnecessary effort involved.

For starters, it's not very easy to read a book with only one hand. Sure, you can hold a book with one hand easily enough, but since I'm assuming that reading an adult book is like watch an adult video, and that at some point there is going to be some manual stimulation, how do you turn the page? It's got to be frustrating to have to stop every so often to turn the page. Additionally, how does one keep the pages from getting soiled?

Now let's just assume, for equal argument's sake, that you aren't helping yourself to the buffet while reading. How difficult must it be to concentrate on reading while pitching a circus tent in your pants? I don't know if I'd be able to keep anything in my brain long enough to follow even the most basic of plots when a majority of the blood in my veins is going to an entirely different place.

I could be entirely wrong here, but I wouldn't expect to find quality writing in an adult book, like one would would expect upon picking up the latest James Patterson or Jodi Picoult. Then again, I suppose that you don't read adult books for their (non-sexual) entertainment value. I mean, you wouldn't pop in a skin flick into your DVD player if you were looking for skilled acting or general cinematic excellence.

So many other questions beg themselves to be asked. Do they sell used adult books? Do they make adult books in braille for the blind? Is there a best-seller list for adult books? Do the authors ever do book-signing gigs? And I guess, most importantly...

Do adult books only come in hard cover?